- Hardcover: 256 pages
- Publisher: John Murray (6 Mar 2008)
- Language English
- ISBN-10: 0719564573
- ISBN-13: 978-0719564574
- Product Dimensions: 21.8 x 13.2 x 2.8 cm
- Average Customer Review: 3.5 out of 5 stars See all reviews (22 customer reviews)
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 506,883 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Product Description
Review
'This is an unusually courageous document: the story of a woman who chose to give up her severely brain-damaged child to the foster care system. At a time when such decisions are often seen as monstrous, she makes the case for this as the best decision for herself, her other child, her marriage, and, in the end, for her ill daughter as well. The question of what makes us human beings subtends every decision that a parent such as Julia Hollander has to make, and that philosophical conundrum is played out here. This fascinating book looks at the strange nuances of attachment and detachment, at the very core of the emotional self. It is written with eloquent rage, full of the grandest kinds of love and loss and hope and love again.'
(Andrew Solomon )'A heart-breaking and heart-felt story of a mother's journey to the edge and beyond. Julia Hollander writes with honesty, passion, bravery and great flair'
(Imogen Edwards-Jones )'An agonising conflict tempered by love and bravery'
(Professor Robert Winston )'A very though provoking book ... very moving'
(BFK Books )Product Description
After moving to the country to start a new life together away from the pressures of London, Julia and Jay had it all. Pregnant with their second child, Julia looked forward to a happy, complete family. But giving birth to this baby was not the straightforward experience it had been with the first. There were complications. Every mother's worst fear began to take shape as Julia realised that something was wrong. The months that followed involved endless hospital visits and consultations with doctors as she tried to convert her mother's instinct into a concrete diagnosis. Eventually it became clear that Julia's baby was severely disabled. When the Bough Breaks is an account of one woman's coming to terms with loss and the decision she has to make. It is also a portrait of a mother's love, strength and courage in the most difficult circumstances.
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
18 of 20 people found the following review helpful
This is a beautifully written and expressed book about an extraordinarily difficult subject. It is important to stress that it is also a very loving book. It brings up challenging responses in any human being, let alone any parent. The trouble is people are commenting on this book without reading it. This book is a victim of the publicity machine behind it. I have read it and I am struck by the fact that the author is only too aware of all the troubling ramifications of her story. She describes the darkest times and darkest hours. One thing that really struck me about this book is that we, as humans and particularly as parents, want certainties at dreadful times and doctors want to give us guidance to plan our future - but should a neurologist say "this child has no intelligence". It seems very bald. Afterall, the brain is a mysterious place and some transformation is surely always possible. It is evident that this was the statement that induced total panic.
The book also highlights awful weakness in our caring system, where the birth mother is not offered the support that a foster mother can get.
This book is written with great love and the author's descriptions of the natural world around her and how it links in with her emotions during this terrible period of her life are profound. I think much is missed by those who read extracts and summaries and media reports on media reports. The media eating itself once again.
The book also highlights awful weakness in our caring system, where the birth mother is not offered the support that a foster mother can get.
This book is written with great love and the author's descriptions of the natural world around her and how it links in with her emotions during this terrible period of her life are profound. I think much is missed by those who read extracts and summaries and media reports on media reports. The media eating itself once again.
16 of 18 people found the following review helpful
This is a fascinating account of a few critical years in the life of a family faced with what turned out to be an overwhelming challenge - the birth of a child with very severe brain damage. Nothing prepared them for the unfolding tragedy: the pregnancy was (until rather late on) essentially uneventful, the birth itself (after some worrying delays in getting appropriate medical help) reasonably quick, and the initial feedback from the medical profession on the whole reassuring. But then things started to go wrong: the return home was delayed by minor concerns from the hospital staff, the early development of Immie not as fast as everyone hoped, her sleep and feeding patterns were dreadful, and gradually the full panoply of medical science was brought to bear, with the eventual revelation by NMR scan that Immie was almost wholly without a cerebral cortex, and would never develop even the most basic mental skills. The strains that all this imposed on the family (elder daughter, husband and mother) were dreadful, and it was only some intensive, and highly skilled counselling by an Oxford voluntary body that saved them from breakup. The lack of appropriate NHS or social service support, and the resulting horrendous financial problems for a family with limited financial resources, was again almost fatal, but at the last minute, thanks to a desperate but painful stand by the mother, a solution was found - a fostering arrangement which enabled Immie to get the painstaking help that she needed without totally crippling the family, but with continuing access by the family to a much-loved but seriously damaged child. I hope that other families with comparable problems, and the social services, will take note of this very courageous account.
21 of 24 people found the following review helpful
This is an extremely thought provoking and moving book, and is beautifully written.
Hollander talks openly and honestly about a subject which many find uncomfortable but it challenges the myth that mothers of disabled children are somehow, miraculously chosen for this task and can all cope with being catapulted into the world of disability - they cannot. As the parent of a profoundly disabled child, who is now almost 18 it struck many chords with me and although I made the opposite decision (and have never regretted it) I could never condemn another for not being able to cope. It's a shame that some other people have chosen to use this site to attack it's author (clearly based on press coverage) rather than having actually read the book. I urge you to read it and make up your own mind.
Hollander talks openly and honestly about a subject which many find uncomfortable but it challenges the myth that mothers of disabled children are somehow, miraculously chosen for this task and can all cope with being catapulted into the world of disability - they cannot. As the parent of a profoundly disabled child, who is now almost 18 it struck many chords with me and although I made the opposite decision (and have never regretted it) I could never condemn another for not being able to cope. It's a shame that some other people have chosen to use this site to attack it's author (clearly based on press coverage) rather than having actually read the book. I urge you to read it and make up your own mind.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Mixed feelings about 'When the bough breaks'
I cannot help but feel she has made a controversial decision and tries to justify it by all sorts of means; her great-grandmother abandoning her grandmother (she states that maybe... Read more
Published on 10 May 2008 by Emma K
I felt I really connected with the author
Julia Hollander (saint jules) makes a brave attempt at writing about her parenting experience. She shares her darkest thoughts and takes the reader on a truly emotional... Read more
Published on 10 May 2008 by Ms. E. J. Marshall
thought-provoking and extremely articulate
A gripping, if extremely painful, read. However controversial its postion, it's surely a good thing that this book exists.
Published on 28 Mar 2008 by Bobbinems
What would you do?
I found this book deeply moving and also full of hope. Julia Hollander's second child Imogen was born with severe brain damage. Read more
Published on 18 Mar 2008 by Damaskcat
Read it for yourself
Having heard and read some of the publicity around this book, I rather dreaded reading it because it is about such an emotive and taboo subject and one which I suspect many of us... Read more
Published on 15 Mar 2008 by sarahl
a beautiful and moving tale of love
This is a beautifully written book, and a very moving story. The natural world seems to be a wonderful framework, and I was very aware of the seasons coming and going, and of... Read more
Published on 13 Mar 2008 by Dr. F. K. Porter
In support
This is a well written and moving account of a very sad situation, and I imagine it will be of great relief and comfort to others in similar situations. Read more
Published on 13 Mar 2008 by virtualclarissa
A Moden Horror
Well written, thought provoking and unusual, sure. But I can't really understand the motivation for writing it. Read more
Published on 13 Mar 2008 by Mr. Antonio Cavaldoro
Read this book
Julia Hollander's book is a beautifully written if brutal account of a harrowing experience, one which I thank my lucky stars I do not share. Read more
Published on 12 Mar 2008 by 15th C. girl
Ambivalence is not a dirty word
Whilst I have not yet read this book, I do have a copy and am familiar with its story. As a psychotherapist, I am not surprised by the extremes being expressed by readers and by... Read more
Published on 12 Mar 2008 by HJR
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