What's Wrong with You: Seven Logical Steps to Understanding Emotional Illusions (Paperback)

His book appeals at very many different levels. The author starts by taking a very logical approach about how to deal with what's wrong with you by proposing a simple hypothesis - that the cause of all our problems is the suppressed trauma that we all carry around with us; and that we find hard to deal with simply because we don't understand where it comes from. What we fail to understand is that the constant projection of all of this onto others around us is the wisest part of ourselves - our unconscious - drawing our attention to what needs dealing with. Once we are willing to go beyond the confines of our conscious minds and allow our unconscious minds to do its work unfettered, we can begin to heal. Logical? Yes. But having made the case that this is something you must do, he doesn't let you off the hook of having to feel the pain - he makes clear that the only way to emotional freedom is 'through' it - which is daunting for most of us! These feelings of long buried emotional distress, that probably hurt you more that your grown up logical adult mind can comprehend, are real and valid and have to be resolved. But one of the great strengths of this book is that he never lets you lose sight of the goal and it is full of constant reminders about how worthwhile the process is.

Interwoven into his thesis is his own personal story of the loss of his mother as a baby, the subsequent emotional breakdown he experienced as an adult and how he dealt with it - which was to be the turning point in his life. This, along with the extracts of discussions with people he has worked with via the internet (see his Forum) and the exercises he suggests at the end of each section, act as mirrors for the reader to allow you to explore the issues and recurring patterns in your own life and to see them for what they really are - projections of past experiences repeatedly thrown up until you get the message.

I probably did not find anything new in this book - all the elements I am familiar with. What is compelling about it is how the author presents these elements. They are woven together in a structured elegant and logical way that just makes so much sense. Albeit he uses different language, his book covers much of the same ground as many other writers in the field of personal development. He does, however, avoid getting bogged down in the quasi spiritual or relying too heavily on the 'You can if you change your mind' approach to personal development. In a market where there is so much published that gives those of us that are searching for solutions to 'what's wrong with us' a bit of a high before we move on to the next one, this will be read, digested and acted on. And there perhaps is the real strength of this book - it does not offer a quick fix. Rather it provides a clear answer to the question posed, a compelling reason for going out and doing something about it and a wonderful reassurance that, while it will take time, the benefits and rewards will be so much more than we can begin to imagine.

If I have one gripe it is possibly the title and even that is a minor gripe. Let's face it, as a title 'What's wrong with you?' is negative. But then again it starts from where most people who pick up personal development books are at. In doing that, it is honest and real. The positive kick is there, however, in the subtitle - Seven Logical Steps to Understanding Emotional Illusions. I would venture to suggest it goes further than "understanding" and starts the process of stripping away the emotional illusions (or delusions) to get at what is real within ourselves.

I have read a lot of self-help books - this has been of immense benefit to me! I have never written a review before - I simply had to write this. I hope it helps.

It is this lack of fundamental self-knowledge, this failure of our conscious minds to grasp the damaging patterns that we continue to re-inflict on ourselves that this book blames for our frustrations, our worries and our dysfunctions. It tells us that there is a way out, and that way out is through - through ourselves and out the other side into a place of understanding, acceptance, and peace.

Having plumbed the depths of his own psyche following a period of anxiety, panic and depression, Benjamin Fry went on to find out as much as he could about the processes of the human mind. He took the academic route, he took the psychotherapeutic route, he took the lifestyle route - basically he got the t-shirt and he wore it. It prompted him to see the world, and those of us that walk it, in a new way, not through the filter of pre-conceptions and projection, but as things really are. From this sprang theories about emotional trauma and how it holds us back from fulfilling our potential and our desires. Most self-help books are just a variation on ancient themes. This book, however, is one entire unified theory.

The book doesn't just theorize, however. It also doesn't lecture. It includes startlingly honest passages describing the author's own past behaviours, and how they relate to his theories, and also contains contributions of real people who have visited his web forum, and his replies to them. From these the reader is given the opportunity to make their own mind up about the power of the theories. Exercises then enable the reader to try various things out on themselves. The results are powerful and thought-provoking, and have the potential to lead any reader into a wider world.

The overwhelming impression that the reader is left with is that they have been treated as an intelligent adult, not preached at or asked to believe in anything that isn't real, but simply offered some answers that without a proper examination of the self, are impossible to come by. For those of us asking questions of ourselves and of the world, to hear the reasoned words of someone who has been through real pain and fear, and has come out the other side a better person, provides a fantastic starting point from which to learn and grow. This book is an eye-opener on many levels, and I for one believe it, or something like it, should be on the curriculum at every school in the land.