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What Do You Say After You Say Hello Paperback – 30 Apr 1975


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What Do You Say After You Say Hello + I'm Ok, You're Ok + Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships
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Product details

  • Paperback: 512 pages
  • Publisher: Corgi; New Ed edition (30 April 1975)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 055209806X
  • ISBN-13: 978-0552098069
  • Product Dimensions: 10.6 x 3.2 x 17.8 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (41 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 45,340 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Product Description

Book Description

How to have successful relationships in every walk of life.

From the Back Cover

What Do You Say After You Say Hello? explains what makes the winners win, the losers lose, and the in-betweens so boring...

In it, Dr Eric Berne reveals how everyone's life follows a predetermined script - a script they compose for themselves during early childhood. The script may be a sad one, it may be a successful one; it decides how a person will relate to his colleagues, what sort of person he will marry, how many children he will have, and even what sort of bed he will die in...

What Do You Say After You Say Hello? demonstrates how each life script gets written, how it works and, more important, how anyone can improvise or change his script to make a happy ending...


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Customer Reviews

4.1 out of 5 stars

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

75 of 78 people found the following review helpful By Alain English on 25 Dec. 2004
Format: Paperback
"What Do You Say After You Say Hello" is a sequel to Dr Eric Berne's book "Games People Play". In that book, Berne argued that human beings participate in a series of deceptive rituals and manoeuvres ('games') that hamper real communication and intimacy.
In this book, he extends that theory (transactional analysis) towards human destiny that he says is predetermined by a 'script' people compose in early childhood before they have reached six years old. This script will determine whether that person is a winner, non-winner or a loser. Berne's theory is well founded, taking into genetic, prenatal and parental influences that make up a person's life script. The aim of the book is to act as guide for fellow psychiatrists in recognizing scripts and eliminating their more negative aspects in their patients.
According to Berne, a person's childhood-written script follows closely myths and fairy tales, and the differing roles (Hero, Victim, Villain, Ally, etc) than in simple common sense. People are capable of changing their scripts, but more often than not stick by them, as this is easier to do than to effect any real change in their lives.
Berne covers all aspects of the script using popular fairy-tale analogies like Cinderella and Little Red Riding Hood to help illustrate his points. He also includes objections to the Script Theory and a Script Check List for patients.
This book should be a handbook for human psychologists and would appeal to anyone interested in psychology. Casual readers, if they can hack the terminology, might find it interesting as well.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful By Mark Stipanovsky TOP 1000 REVIEWER on 7 Sept. 2012
Format: Paperback
On your deathbed - what will you say?

"I showed them..."

Chapter 10 - Maturity and Death asks the above question and the answer is quite an eye opener because...

What's your because?

I enjoy reading Eric Berne's books and every time I re-read one - something new pops out and intrigues me.

The idea that we all have a "story" or script is nothing new and yet most people put more effort into buying a "sofa" for their house than taking five minutes and analysing their life and how it's taking shape...

The psychology of human destiny aka "What Do You Say After You Say Hello" is quite a bold statement and this book is a follow on from the hugely popular "Games People Play".

Having some prior knowledge of Transactional Analysis will be really helpful - although not essential to get the best out of this book.

It was written in and published in the early 1970's and because psychotherapy language keeps mutating and evolving - similar to the actual theories - the language may make you smile here and there - or even grimace - depends on your "Script" - I reckon...

Anyway, book is split into over 20 chapters with notes and references at the end of each and covers the principles of Transactional Analysis and "Script theory".

The first two parts (chapters 1-10) are basically written as a story about "how our own story is created, reinforced and played out" right up until the "I showed you"...
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48 of 51 people found the following review helpful By Magus on 31 May 2000
Format: Paperback
This is a thorough and thought provking book written by the creator of Transactional Analysis (TA). It takes you from understanding the basics of TA to its implications in Theraphy and life in general. It allows you to look for your own scripts as well as reading those of others and it introduces to the reader the power of names. For those serious about TA it provides a pathway for future research as it is rich in references and for those new to TA, it is definately a book worth chewing and savouring its juices...Enjoy!
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34 of 37 people found the following review helpful By Ms. M. S. Whyte on 21 Jan. 2007
Format: Paperback
If you are new to "transactional analysis" I would recommend that you read "I'm OK, Your OK" by Thomas A. Harris instead because it is much easier to understand than this book which I found very challenging at times. Another book which I would definitely recommend is "Counselling for Toads- A Psychological Adventure" by Robert de Board which was a very interesting read. It teaches the basics of transactional analysis through a story based on Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame.
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27 of 30 people found the following review helpful By elizable on 20 Feb. 2004
Format: Paperback
I am only half way through this and it's excellent. Well written and quirky. It has hardly dated. I often think Berne would have made a great novelist and storyteller, had it not been in his script to be an innovator in psychotherapy.
The problem is not that I can't put it down , but that what he has to say is so thought provoking my brain tends to go off at a tangent every other paragraph. This makes for slow reading and I've found I can't read it in the quiet hours as it wakes me up!
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23 of 26 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on 22 Feb. 2006
Format: Paperback
I read this book as an accompaniment to counselling several years ago and Eric Berne’s simple, elegant style had a profound effect on my psyche and the course my life took after my collision with his ideas. ‘What do you say after you say hello?’ explores the themes of script theory (more recently ‘Transactional Analysis’) - the idea that each of us follows a predetermined script, laid down by happy or bitter childhood experience. This script, built on by our parent’s preconceptions of what they want us to be, is applied by us to various interactions or events to achieve a familiar outcome. This outcome can be success or failure dependent on that which is most recognisable to us through our experiences.
More than anything stated above, what Eric Berne’s book does so well is instil in the reader the fact that change can come from within, in fact this is where the metamorphosis will begin. A true catalyst for change, and contrary to other comments made above, completely accessible to those not familiar with psychoanalytical jargon.
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