- Paperback: 224 pages
- Publisher: HarperCollins; Revised edition edition (7 Feb 2000)
- Language English
- ISBN-10: 0006382525
- ISBN-13: 978-0006382522
- Product Dimensions: 19.4 x 12.8 x 1.6 cm
- Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 298,652 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Product Description
Review
‘The old bargain has been shattered. Women want more than a man who makes a good living: they want a man who provides warmth and commitment.’ Vogue
‘It’s a question most women and many men have struggled with…this book comes up with the best answer so far.’ Woman
Product Description
‘This book highlights the fact that women are brought up to understand men’s emotional needs but men are not brought up to understand women’s.’ Woman
Many women today feel that they pour love, commitment and understanding into their relationships, but that it is not returned in kind. He seems secure and independent, she feels insecure and clingy.
The truth is that men and women are both dependent. But his needs are catered to so well – first by his mother, then by his girlfriend or wife – that he doesn’t know he has them, while her needs for closeness and tenderness are constantly rebuffed as he retreats from intimacy.
Susie Orbach and Luise Eichenbaum set out to explore this crisis in the relationships of men and women. They explain how men have learned to ‘manage’ their dependency needs very differently to women, and why women feel dependent and hungry for love. Finally they show why dependency on both sides is the essential core of any successful relationship.
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I first read this book a long time ago and have returned many times since. It is excellent at exploring, how it is that the men we choose for partners, have become the way that they are. I have reccomended it to many of my counselling clients. It is readable, funny and easy to relate to.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
I was blown away by this book, so ahead of it's time. It contains work of such profound value, I am amazed it has not been updated in recent years. Suzie Orbach is one of the greatest feminist writers around today, and this might be my favourite of her books. It helps us to understand family structures, what burdens our mothers may have inadvertently placed on our shoulders. How we are taught of the simple acts of giving and caring as young girls which are later detrimental to our adult relationships, as we automatically take the position of carers and in doing so suppress our own needs. We may feel ashamed to ask for intimacy and are criticized as being needy for doing so, while men don't need to ask for intimacy as women automatically offer it to them. The book contains many interesting and thought provoking points, my male partner also read it of his own accord and enjoyed it. We each took something different from it and no doubt will return to it in the future. I cannot recommend it highly enough.
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