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Ninja Versus Pirate Featuring Zombies (The How to End Human Suffering Series) Paperback – 24 Apr 2012


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Product details

  • Paperback: 225 pages
  • Publisher: ChiZine Publications (24 April 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1926851587
  • ISBN-13: 978-1926851587
  • Product Dimensions: 12.7 x 1.9 x 18.4 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 2,196,248 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By Pablo Cheesecake (The Eloquent Page) TOP 1000 REVIEWER on 15 May 2012
Format: Kindle Edition
In a world where ZOMBIES control banks and governments, only one young man sees the way things are and emerges from the CHAOS and destruction: GUY BOY MAN. While he tries to end human suffering worldwide and in his high school, Guy Boy Man meets a cute PINK-HAIRED girl named BABY DOLL15 who has a UNICORN that follows her everywhere. An EPIC ROMANCE begins, but forces BEYOND THEIR CONTROL are intent on keeping the young couple apart. One of those FORCES may--or may not be!--Guy Boy Man's closest friend, a handsome African-American NINJA named SWEETIE HONEY; another could be four EXOTICALLY BEAUTIFUL, genetically engineered and behaviourally modified EASTERN EUROPEAN girls; yet another, the principal of their HIGH SCHOOL . . . not to mention an impending standardized test known as the ZOMBIE ACCEPTANCE TEST! Will Guy Boy Man find a way to be with Baby Doll15 in a WORLD WHERE EVERYONE IS DOOMED to become either zombies or zombie food??!!

There is absolutely no way to get around the fact that this book is extremely weird. The zombies may or may not be actual zombies. The main protagonist may be a highly intelligent genius or may in fact be an idiot. To say this novel is open to interpretation may well be the largest understatement of the 21st Century so far.

If I was going to try to compare this novel to anything it would be a mash-up between the television show Todd and the Book of Pure Evil and one of those really surreal Japanese cartoons where you know some sort of story is unfolding but you're not quite sure what everything means. Marshall's writing style certainly takes a little bit of getting used to, but once I had accepted the seeming randomness of it all, it started to make a bizarre sort of sense. Everything just felt a little bit inconsistent though.
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Format: Paperback
REVIEW SUMMARY: Surreal, demented, and hilarious.

MY RATING: 4.5 stars

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: Guy Boy Man, a spiritual leader/pirate, is determined to end human suffering. Apparently doing so requires copious amounts of bad language, violence, misogyny, and a Gothic castle (in America). His glorious mission becomes complicated when moderately attractive Baby Doll15 makes him a proposition he can hardly refuse...

MY REVIEW

PROS: I can almost guarantee you've never read a book like this. I was averaging at least one laugh a page (sometimes more) while marveling at Marshall's audacity to continually push the bounds of absurdity (and common decency).

CONS: Are you the type of person to get easily offended? Can you watch a South Park marathon without forming a parental coalition to ban crass entertainment? If you answered "yes" to the first question and "no" to the second, please don't even bother glancing at the cover.

BOTTOM LINE: If ever a book was meant to be burned, banned, or buried and booby trapped...Ninja Versus Pirate Featuring Zombies
delights in adolescent humor delivered with a mature comedic sense of timing. You'll be so busy laughing (or screaming in outrage) that you're bound to gloss over some of the excellent descriptions and biting philosophy.

Have you seen The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret? You know the intro to the first season where Todd is a defendant in the British court of law, with a ridiculous (and ridiculously long) list of charges being read against him? I can imagine that happening to James Marshall should Ninja Versus Pirate Featuring Zombies ever wind up in the wrong hands. And let's face it - it's bound to happen eventually.
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Format: Kindle Edition
OK, first up, how can you not be curious about this book with that title? It has Ninjas, it has Pirates and it has Zombies ...... it has something for everyone!

I was immediately confused by this book (in a good way) by the first sentence - it takes, like, 3 pages! And yes, it was confusing to read but it at least gets you ready for the rest of the book - which, at times, can be confusing as hell. One of my favourite parts (which I even highlighted in my kindle. I loved it that much) is GuyBoyMan's description of the pluralisation of the word Ninja. All I'm going to say is, he says Ninjas so as not to confuse blind people.

It's never explained whether the whole zombie ruling thing is real or just some weird facet of GuyBoyMan's imagination or even some sort of hallucination. At times, it seems like it must all be in his head but others it seems like it's all real and others know about the zombies too.

I think this book is definitely worth a read but don't read it if you're going to take it seriously, I went into this book thinking it was all a bit of fun and that's exactly what I got.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)

Amazon.com: 12 reviews
6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
Babies Are Communists 26 Jun. 2013
By Nickolas X. P. Sharps - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback
REVIEW SUMMARY: Surreal, demented, and hilarious.

MY RATING: 4.5 stars

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: Guy Boy Man, a spiritual leader/pirate, is determined to end human suffering. Apparently doing so requires copious amounts of bad language, violence, misogyny, and a Gothic castle (in America). His glorious mission becomes complicated when moderately attractive Baby Doll15 makes him a proposition he can hardly refuse...

MY REVIEW

PROS: I can almost guarantee you've never read a book like this. I was averaging at least one laugh a page (sometimes more) while marveling at Marshall's audacity to continually push the bounds of absurdity (and common decency).

CONS: Are you the type of person to get easily offended? Can you watch a South Park marathon without forming a parental coalition to ban crass entertainment? If you answered "yes" to the first question and "no" to the second, please don't even bother glancing at the cover.

BOTTOM LINE: If ever a book was meant to be burned, banned, or buried and booby trapped...Ninja Versus Pirate Featuring Zombies
delights in adolescent humor delivered with a mature comedic sense of timing. You'll be so busy laughing (or screaming in outrage) that you're bound to gloss over some of the excellent descriptions and biting philosophy.

Have you seen The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret? You know the intro to the first season where Todd is a defendant in the British court of law, with a ridiculous (and ridiculously long) list of charges being read against him? I can imagine that happening to James Marshall should Ninja Versus Pirate Featuring Zombies ever wind up in the wrong hands. And let's face it - it's bound to happen eventually. I mean, if The Catcher in the Rye drove Mark David Chapman to kill John Lennon I'd hate to see the depravity that could be unleashed reading the first book in The How to End Human Suffering series. James Marshall, I hope you have a good lawyer - at the very best you're looking at organized book burnings, death threats, and a visit from the Westboro Baptist Church. At the very worst? As I understand it the NSA has taken a keen interest in digital media...Look folks, I know I posted a warning in the CONS section but please - if dead baby jokes offend you read no further. It's for your own good.

"Violence is not the answer."
I look down the hallway, steely eyed.
"Then I don't like the question."

Oh where to begin? What is Ninja Versus Pirate Featuring Zombies? An anarchist-comedian's manifesto? A survival guide for the (completely absurd) end of the world? A philosophical text to rival history's greatest minds? An unlikely romance destined to make even the fans of 50 Shades of Grey blanch with titillated embarrassment? It is all of these things and more. Ninja Versus Pirate Featuring Zombies reads like Mike Judge's Idiocracy, written by Matt Stone and Trey Parker of South Park fame. This should clue you into two things.

1) The humor is crass. The laughs are dark. My favorite gag of Ninja Versus Pirate Featuring Zombies is a painfully honest sexual encounter. It only gets more crude as the story progresses. I mentioned dead baby jokes (yes, they're truly awful and disgusting) and you will find them within these hallowed pages. This has got to be the single least politically correct book I've ever read. I suspect it will make James quite a few enemies, and any friends he gains from it won't be of the highest quality (just look at me).

"Life is an STD and I've already got it."

2) It's actually quite intelligent. The jokes are simple (deceptively so) but the delivery is spot-on. Marshall takes the absurdity to (well, absurd) levels and still manages to keep the novel in check. For a book that starts off with a three page run-on sentence you might expect the Grammar Nazis to be right on the heels of the Political Correctness Police in their pursuit of Marshall but the prose is anything but immature. The descriptions are often witty and the philosophical insight of Guy Boy Man leaves much to consider (should you avoid being distracted by his demons - Mike and York).

"They said that's 'genocide.' 'Genocide is wrong,' they said, 'not because you're killing a whole bunch of people, but because you're discriminating against the people you're killing."

How's the plot? It's not incredibly important. Ninja Versus Pirate Featuring Zombies is teen romance that is absolutely not appropriate for teens. It's the story of a revolutionary that hates vegetarians (hey - plants are animals too) and might just be worse than the evil overlords he seeks to usurp. Guy Boy Man fights and loves and weeps (masculinely) and teams up with a ninja and solves starvation in Africa (theoretically at least). It's a book where unicorns are real, zombies live amongst us, babies grow on farms, and aircraft carriers are available for purchase to an insanely rich sixteen year old pirate (wearing the Pope's hat and preaching a twisted pseudo-denomination of Christianity).

Will James Marshall be tarred, feathered, chased through the village square only to be hanged, drawn, and quartered? Only time will tell. Will I be reading the second book, Zombie Versus Fairy Featuring Albinos? Faster than a ninja can kill another ninja of equal-or-lesser value. If you're an emotionally disturbed, mentally deranged, easily suggestible, troubled teen...go ahead and buy a copy of Ninja Versus Pirate Featuring Zombies. Place it on your bookshelf between The Anarchist Cookbook and The God Delusion, below the shelf sagging with the weight of Machiavelli's The Prince, The Communist Manifesto, and Trey Parker's Orgazmo. I wonder how many federal watch lists this review alone has landed me on...
A roller-coaster ride into literary mayhem 25 April 2014
By Josh - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback
First and foremost I think I have to start this review with a question: What the hell is this? As I was reading it, three possibilities came to mind.

One: The drunken ramblings of a total psychopath.

Two: A metaphoric, symbolic satire examining contemporary American society and culture.

Three: An outright wild, fantasy adventure played completely straight.

The novel could be any of these or all three combined. Possibly none of them. I just wanted to get that out of the way because, really, it doesn't matter all that much. It's a dense book in the best possible way, and I found when I stopped wondering about the reality of its events, I just enjoyed being taken along for the ride.

High school kid Guy Boy Man is the protagonist, an utterly unreliable narrator and an anti-hero if ever there was one. He's a pirate, self-appointed spiritual leader, and a bit of a jerk, really. He's also a character with one of the most singular voices in fiction I've ever come across. In the three-page long opening sentence, upon discovering that he and, by extension, the rest of the world, are prisoners in his parent's basement, the stage is set. Guy Boy Man "wakes up" and the adventure begins.

There are zombies, but if you're looking for a generic zombie novel or a grand scale, fluffy popcorn read as the title would indicate, look elsewhere. The zombies are essentially the ones pulling the strings, the ones with money, power and control of the world. There's a standardized test called the ZAT through which successful students are indoctrinated into the ranks of the undead and unsuccessful ones remain human (zombie food). Faced with this grand injustice and the knowledge that he himself is bound to fail the ZAT, Guy Boy Man takes it upon himself to end human suffering by ending human reproduction. No people, no zombie food supply.

From here we're launched into a surreal and delightfully psychotic story peppered with an endearing cast of characters. There's Baby Doll15, a pink-haired girl perpetually trailed by a unicorn (a sporadically hyperviolent one at that). There's Sweetie Honey, a well-endowed ninja whose girlfriends are a group of genetically engineered, behaviourally modified Eastern European girls. We also have Mike Hawk and York Hunt (oh yes), Guy Boy Man's ever-present personal demons.

The writing style, like the characters and story, is unique and very kinetic. It's stream-of-consciousness and really gets you into the mind of Guy Boy Man (which leads to what could be some very uncomfortable territory for those who are easily offended). By turns clipped, meandering and quite beautiful, the prose itself is a good reason for fans of literary weirdness to dive right in. I also appreciate the telling-not-showing thrown in to uproariously comedic effect (an early scene with a centaur just did me in).

That said, what may drive some people away is the novel's uncompromising irreverence. To put it bluntly, there's something in this book to offend almost everyone. For myself I was cracking up regularly throughout, but I can certainly see some others putting the book down and not looking back. Either way, I'm sure Marshall will find the right audience for this. We are out here. And we're clamoring for more.

The Good: Great for thoughtful people who aren't easily offended.

The Bad: Horrible for any people who are.

The Ugly: The image of a laughing penis indelibly imprinted upon my memory.

(review originally posted at horrornovelreviews.com)
4 of 6 people found the following review helpful
A laugh riot 30 May 2012
By K. Sozaeva - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback
Book Info: Genre: YA Fantasy/Horror Satire Reading Level: YA (probably 16 on up due to language and sexual content)

Disclosure: I received a free eGalley from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Synopsis: In a world where Zombies control banks and governments, only one young man sees the way things are and emerges from the Chaos and destruction: Guy Boy Man. While he tries to end human suffering worldwide and in his high school, Guy Boy Man meets a cute Pink-Haired girl named Baby Doll15 who has a Unicorn that follows her everywhere. An Epic Romance begins, but forces Beyond Their Control are intent on keeping the young couple apart. One of those Forces may - or may not be! - Guy Boy Man's closest friend, a handsome African-American Ninja named Sweetie Honey; another could be four Exotically Beautiful, genetically engineered and behaviorally modified Eastern European Girls; yet another, the principal of their High School ...not to mention an impending standardized test known as the Zombie Acceptance Test! Will Guy Boy Man find a way to be with Baby Doll15 in a World Where Everyone Is Doomed to become either zombies or zombie food?

My Thoughts: I just love a silly book, and the description of this one led me to believe this would be high up there on the silliness scale. Oana's explanation as to why there were no hs or js in their names cracked me up. Actually, quite a lot of it cracked me up. James Marshall manages to provide a book that is wonderfully grammatic yet full of extra-long, run-on sentences. One of my favorite aspects of it was Guy Boy Man's constant explanation as to what he really means whenever a sentence could be taken more than one way. The descriptions are hilarious. Guy Boy Man is one of the very few people who see that there are so many zombies - apparently most people don't even notice that the people surrounding them are undead.

A sequel is in the works: Zombies versus Fairy featuring Albinos, which is scheduled for release later this year. You know I'll be watching and waiting for it. I definitely recommend this book to anyone who wants a good laugh.
everything and the kitchen sink; a whackadoodle, crazy adventure 1 Sept. 2014
By MC - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Kindle Edition
This is the most whackadoodle book, perhaps ever. The Prologue is one long run-on-and-keep-on-running sentence. I kid you not. It spanned pages, plural! It reads like the stream of consciousness scribblings of a guy holed up in a room totally stoned out of his mind.

Obviously, this book has rather enjoyable moments. Unfortunately, it's not what I'm looking to read at the moment and the disjointedness became a bit much for me a quarter of the way into it. I may come back and finish it at some point.

If you're looking for a crazy, over the top adventure-type story with zombies and unicorns and every other crazy thing, this might just be the book for you.
A fantastically twisted piece of near-bizarro fiction 28 July 2013
By Zachary Jernigan - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This is one hell of a gonzo virtuoso performance. If you're looking for strange and clever and often hilarious literary speculative fiction, this is the place. There's no real plot, and logic is about as far from the author's purview as one might imagine -- and yet this novel holds together like glue glued to more glue. It never derails, not once, and though it may be an onerous challenge for readers of comfort fiction, it never stops being rewarding from a critical standpoint.

A fantastically twisted piece of near-bizarro fiction, NVPFZ is the bee's knees. You should read it.
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