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Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out on Relationship and Recovery Paperback – 1 Jan 2004


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Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out on Relationship and Recovery + The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond + The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?: A Woman's Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go
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Product details

  • Paperback: 260 pages
  • Publisher: Adams Media Corporation; First Printing edition (1 Jan. 2004)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1558503048
  • ISBN-13: 978-1558503045
  • Product Dimensions: 14 x 1.8 x 21.6 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 220,049 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Deep within the human psyche, evolved over millions of years, are the eternally true, ever-present needs, drives, and desires that propel us through life's experiences. Read the first page
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41 of 41 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on 29 May 1999
Format: Paperback
I am recovering from a 10-year relationship with a man I loved and thought wonderful, who shared with me great world adventures and great times on many levels - but who at the same time was slowly, subtly, making me doubt myself through criticism, public humiliation, tuning out, rude remarks and sudden outbursts of anger. Because this was mixed with fun, adventure and "love", the total effect was confusion and - by the end of it - a complete dismantling of spirit. Patricia Evans' two books have guided me through a long (now 3 years) healing period, which even now is marked with a deep, unidentifiable pain - especially on encountering my ex-husband. The power of Patricia Evans' books lies in their specific outlining of what is actually happening in a relationship where one's deepest self is not honored or cherished. Any woman who is feeling an unidentifiable unrest about her marriage owes it to herself to read these books!
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19 of 19 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on 19 July 1999
Format: Paperback
I have been married for 16 years as a verbally abused wife. For 15 1/2 years I just thought my husband was "mean and evil" until I saw Patricia Evans book in the bookstore "Verbally Abusive Relationship and how to recognize them". This book had my husbands name all over it and finally my eyes were opened to what I had been going through for so long. I am now in the process of getting divorced and am relieved to know that I will be getting my life back and living it as I please. Every woman must read this book.
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15 of 15 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on 20 Dec. 1998
Format: Paperback
If ever some was confused it was me. I tried to be a great husband. But if I said one thing, it was wrong, and if I said the opposite it was wrong. I am a man, and was so surprised when I read this book. My love, my wife, had been helping a friend through abuse, and then I saw a book by Patricia Evans, so I thought "Here is a book for her to use". I picked it up. Wow it was my life. She lied to me. She redefined me. She manipulated me. I took about 3 months to read the book, it hurt so much to see my long term love in this ugly light. Patricia Evans helped me so much and now I am free, to Love me properly.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful By Rolf Dobelli TOP 500 REVIEWER on 18 Jun. 2008
Format: Paperback
Author Patricia Evans meticulously researched, described and documented verbal abuse in her previous book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship. This time, she gives domestic abuse a human face by including the experiences of verbal abuse survivors, recounted in their own words. You witness their struggles, confusion, pain and courage as they endure abuse, rediscover themselves and, ultimately, hopefully, move on. Particularly heart-wrenching are the stories of women whose abuse was denied, not only by their abusers, but also by their family, friends and even their counselors, exacerbating their feelings of isolation, guilt and bewilderment. One survivor says, "When I talked to a therapist about it, she said to go shopping." Evans covers the same ground as in her previous books, but the addition of excerpts from victims' letters makes it worth the read. If you feel you might be suffering from verbal abuse, or care about someone who is, getAbstract recommends Evans' book. For relationship counselors and therapists, it's required reading.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Cee Jay on 9 Dec. 2012
Format: Paperback
This book has been crucial reading for me. I've often wondered why people treat me so badly when I try my hardest to be nice to them. It's all explained in here: they're abusive because they're abusers. Nothing you say or do has any bearing on that, I can now see: they abuse because they are abusers. Simple as that. If they don't abuse you, they'll abuse someone else. This book is mainly about abuse within marriage, but the principles are the same if your abuser is your boss, your friend, your sibling or your parent.

Every little minor thing that happened, all those tiny things that seem so inconsequential but that add up to make you feel paranoid, mad, crazy ... it's all in here. It's not just me, it happens to other people too: now I know I'm not mad, and I'm not making it up, and the reason that nobody else sees what these abusers are like is because they HIDE their behaviour from people they want to impress. Their victim/mark/target gets all the negative stuff that the abuser feels they can't dump on their boss/father/friends, etc.

The book explains how and why an abuser will continue to abuse even after the relationship fails, and how the victim will quite likely be picked up by another abuser. The book explains why explaining (your feelings, to the abuser) won't work. The book shows that abusers ENJOY what they do, because they want power over you, and they won't give up their behaviour unless THEY want to (what you want isn't important to them). Reality 1 and Reality 2 are something I'd not come across before, but it makes perfect sense: the reason you can't communicate your sadness to an abuser is because they are in R1 (having power over another), and have no concept of R2 (mutual respect).
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on 22 Aug. 1997
Format: Paperback
Evans' book brings to light a serious problem in relationships, especially for inviduduals who know something is terribly wrong but have no name for what they suffer. The letters from survivors are vivid, the descriptions of their situations all too clear to someone who has lived in abusive situation. This important book also has firm action plans for recovery, giving hope for the future.
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