Shop now Shop now Shop now Up to 70% off Fashion Shop All Amazon Fashion Cloud Drive Photos Amazon Fire TV Amazon Pantry Food & Drink Beauty Shop now Shop Fire Shop Kindle Listen with Prime Shop now Shop now

Customer Reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars46
4.4 out of 5 stars
Format: PaperbackChange
Price:£10.68+ Free shipping with Amazon Prime
Your rating(Clear)Rate this item


There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later.

on 14 September 2014
I was struck by the following line from page 235 of Alan's masterpiece - "The traumatic effect of growing up in a world where we must hide the truth of our strongest feeling causes our development to stall". I could not agree more with these words. Alan's work shows that there is a way through and it's brilliant to read such an enlightening piece.

This is, without a doubt, a very profound book that smashes you in the face with the issues gay men face and makes you sit up and really think. For me it has felt like the first time in my life that I've truly opened my eyes. I have been putting into place some of the skills Alan has suggested and it's amazing to see that by doing so I feel a sense of inner happiness and joy that I can't remember feeling for a very long time - probably the innocence I felt when in my very early year of 6-8.

This is a must read and cannot advocate it enough. Indeed, it is that good, I've made this the first book for the staff network LGBT network book club in my workplace. Brilliant!
0Comment4 of 4 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNoReport abuse
on 27 April 2013
This book touched me...I think it would touch any gay guy as we have all, at some stage in our lives, had to deal with the painful reality that our sexuality is not what society deems to be preferred. The struggle we go through leaves us scarred and causes us to act in certain ways without understanding why. Downs explains this masterfully and allows us to gain a deeper understanding of why it is hard to be gay and what one needs to do to overcome the unique challenges of homosexuality.

Downs put a great deal of emphasis on the concept of shame...something many gay men have deep-rooted within. This shame often leads to destructive behaviour...to a world of promiscuity, extravagance, drugs and instant sexual gratification...all done in the name of a temporary boost to a fragile self-esteem. The message we get from this book is that inner-acceptance is key. No amount of boyfriends, sex, fancy cars or ripped bodies will be able to compensate for feelings of inadequacy which lie within.

A powerful message and one all gay men would do well to carefully consider. This book is truly a must read. I have so many more meaningful goals for having read it myself.
0Comment2 of 2 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNoReport abuse
on 26 April 2014
Okay, It is pretty 'West Coast' elite. And drips a bit too much with a lifestyle which is gnawingly pretentious to the average Brit. BUT: this is the context of the writer and his experience and it is as such because he is writing from his genuine perspective (and significant professional experience).

If you are able to draw back your own prejudices towards his contextual position; beneath his veneer and presented through his mindful position is actually an insightful and considered account and Journey through the emotional and psychological landscape of the average gay man: at its core an in built sense of shame through the nagging 'I'm different therefore I am wrong' at a critical developmental stage which leaves an impact on the adult gay male.
0Comment2 of 2 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNoReport abuse
on 3 December 2013
This appears to be a book aimed at successful (for which read very wealthy) gay men. Although there are some valid, but hardly original, observations about the closet, what really annoyed me about this book was some of the stereotypes and generalizations. Not to mention, the attitude to secretaries and assistants! "Kyle hated his job...he was little more than a secretary to an executive assistant", which is later described as a "dead end job"! (pp.93-94).

What Mr Downs fails to realize is that this kind of attitude to secretaries, PAs and assistants is exactly that of many a man (not all) in "a straight man's world". And sadly some women who feel they have to match these kind of men to be respected in the business world. There are many gay male secretaries, and often behind every powerful man, is a good gay male secretary. Of course, we don't do such important "work" as therapy, nor have such a fat wallet, but please give us all a little more credit.
0Comment8 of 9 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNoReport abuse
on 31 May 2014
Magnificent. I have a new perspective in life and I feel more authentic within myself just by reading this book.

I'm only 20 and I think more gay people should read this I recommend this book to friends, family and clients of mine in the salon, I don't mean to bring it up but I do!!
0Comment3 of 3 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNoReport abuse
on 5 March 2014
Written for any sexuality and a must for every gay man, let alone someone who wants to understand a gay man! Its challenging, real, honest and easily readable rather than psyco babble. Prepare to be challenged and to recognise yourself on many a page!
0Comment3 of 3 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNoReport abuse
on 28 March 2014
This book has something for everyone. Non-gays can understand the journey common to many gay (men) and it provides a useful paradigm to guide gay men forward. And don't be put off by the title, it's still useful even pif you are not "rageful".
0Comment3 of 3 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNoReport abuse
on 20 May 2014
At first I thought it an American self help book, and then it hit me, there was an underlying and fundamental truth which applied to me and I totally started on a therapeutic thought process which had positive results. This has a universality and is based on a profound idea, many people would benefit from this book, gay or otherwise.
0Comment2 of 2 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNoReport abuse
on 13 July 2013
My opinion as a Cognitive Behavioural therapist and a gay man is that this is simply a great book. Down's model of Shame-Rage-Mood regulation through Addictions- Splitting and compensation is explained brilliantly. The book requires quite a bit of intellectual effort from its reader, which is understandable given the complexity of issues we, as gay men, bring into therapy. Every gay man should have a copy at home to keep referring at as he goes through the different stages of his life. Like our own little bible! :)
The final chapter on how to put everything into practice is the perfect addition. Many thanks to Alan Downs for compiling such a little gem. A great psychological health tool to be used alone or with the support of a good therapist.
0CommentWas this review helpful to you?YesNoReport abuse
on 21 August 2013
This book with its insight into the fundamental structure of developmental needs being unmet for gay men in society being unmet from early years, provides a rationale for the reasons, thinking and behaviour which manifests in adult years and ultimately the reasons as to why dysfunctional behaviour in terms of attention seeking and validation in the pursuit of authentic relationships becomes so fundamentally important for subjective well-being. It is well structured and written in language that is easy to read and understand. Highly recommended and an essential piece of work for anyone who would like to know more and understand what drives gay men in terms of objectives and desires in contemporary society.
0CommentWas this review helpful to you?YesNoReport abuse