Between an ex husband that dove off the deep end and a son living with two strong women and without an appropriate father figure, I have been wondering both what makes men snap like that, and what consequence living without a father might have on my son. How to be a mother and a father to him, how not to hurt my baby in the way I see people around me, and myself, hurting and thus hurting others. I believe every mother and father should read this. It truly spoke to me, and I would not put it down until I was done with it some time early this morning. Written in a language everyone can understand.
Collected exerpts, almost quoted, that I found most enlightening:
Greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of the parent. So each man must examine, without the motive to judge, where his father's wounds were passed on to him. Either he finds himself repeating his father's patterns or living in reaction to them - in both cases a prisoner. (..)
When we ask such questions, father becomes more a man like us, a brother who has suffered the same ordeal. If we are caught up in hate we stay bound to that which wounds us. (..)
We all develop a provisional personality in reaction to childhood experience. We set off into life with this false self and make choices that further estrange us, and by midlife we suffer growing split between the asquired personality and the natural self. (..)
The crux of the middle passage is the requirement that a man (AND A WOMAN, I WOULD ADD!), whatever his reason or station, pull out of his reflexive behaviors and attitudes, radicallyreexamine his life, and risk living out the thunderous imperatives of his soul. (..)
Being a man (AGAIN, I WOULD SAY NOT ONLY A MAN) means knowing what you want and then mobilizing the inner resources to achieve it. It is extraordinarily difficult to know what one wants. How does one separate the inner truth from personal complexes and cultural directives? (..)
Most men (AND INCREASING NUMBER OF WOMEN WHO LIVE AND SWIM IN GUY'S WORLD) use their job to validate themselves, but they do not feel valued even when they have achieved success. (..)
No man may leave home or be in the world without suffering grievous wounds to body and soul. He must learn to say "I am not my wound or my defense against the world. I am my journey".