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Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason
 
 
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Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason [Paperback]

Alfie Kohn
4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (26 customer reviews)
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Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason + Playful Parenting + How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk (How to Help Your Child) (How to Help Your Child)
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Product details

  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: Atria Books; 1st Atria Books Trade Pbk. Ed edition (30 Mar 2007)
  • Language English
  • ISBN-10: 0743487486
  • ISBN-13: 978-0743487481
  • Product Dimensions: 13.2 x 2 x 21.8 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (26 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 6,006 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Alfie Kohn
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Product Description

Review

"Those seeking alternative methods of raising confident, well-loved children will warmly embrace Kohn's message." - Publishers Weekly "Alfie Kohn does it again: He takes a topic (parenting) that has been studied and written about for years and gives us a wise way of adjusting our lenses so that we really see it clearly. He doesn't give simple rules, he gives deep understanding and a core foundation for parents." - JoAnn Deak, Girls Will Be Girls"

Product Description

This book presents a provocative challenge to the conventional wisdom of raising children. Author of nine books, including the controversial "Punished by Rewards", Kohn expands upon the theme of what's wrong with our society's emphasis on punishments and rewards with regards raising children. Kohn, the father of young children himself, sprinkles his text with anecdotes that shore up his well-researched hypothesis that children do best with unconditional love, respect and the opportunity to make their own choices. Kohn questions why parents and parenting literature focus on compliance and quick fixes, and points out that docility and short-term obedience are not what most parents desire of their children in the long run. He insists that "controlling parents" are actually conveying to their kids that they love them conditionally - that is, only when they achieve or behave. Tactics like time-out, brides and threats, Kohn claims, just worsen matters. Caustic, witty and thought-provoking, Kohn's arguments challenge much of today's parenting wisdom, yet his assertion that "the way kids learn to make good decisions is by making decisions, not by following directions" rings true. Kohn suggests parents help kids solve problems; provide them with choices; and use reason, humour and, as a last resort, a restorative time away (not a punitive time-out).

Inside This Book (Learn More)
First Sentence
I have sometimes derived comfort from the idea that, despite all the mistakes I've made (and will continue to make) as a parent, my children will turn out just fine for the simple reason that I really love them. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
55 of 57 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
Alfie Kohn uses real research to back up his conclusions. The book is very readable and easy to understand but the ideas it contains could very well change your life and your children's lives. Very highly recommended by someone who has read a LOT of parenting books and has never before felt compelled to recommend one.
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50 of 52 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
Like most parents, I have tried star-charts, time-outs, naughty chair, sticker books, you name it. But at the back of my mind there had always been a niggling feeling that these traditional 'methods' were not the right way forward. Unconditional Parenting gave me the power to question those traditional beliefs and the tools to work with my child, to treat him with the respect and unconditional love that every child deserves. So often we enter into parenthood weighted down by our past - how we were treated by our parents. I'm so glad to be able to break that cycle. Read this book and stop treating your children as enemies who must be tamed and controlled.
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44 of 46 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I have found this book fascinating and its really changed the way I parent. The 'using any method to get children to behave' principle is ingrained in our culture but the author argues very convincingly that this is very shortsighted.

Has really helped me view what I am doing with my children in another light and changed what I do
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
A shining light swimming upstream
Like another reviewer i'm on my second reading of this brave and revolutionary book. It's by far the best book on parenting I have ever read and it's really quite a poke in the eye... Read more
Published 2 months ago by Jeremy
Unbelievably deceitful
As a person (and particularly a parent) who avoids all sorts of confrontation, I had high hopes for this book. Read more
Published 4 months ago by asra
Making sense, not fascists
Many modern rearing advise on children still adopts the disproven school of thought that children can be formed by adults, and, even more than that, that children for some reason... Read more
Published 6 months ago by Tobin
Thought-provoking book about parenting
This is an extremely thought-provoking book. It offers a different way of parenting for those people who are not sure about time out etc, but perhaps can't quite put their finger... Read more
Published 11 months ago by mmisl
Hmmm, I'm just not convinced
I think Kohn tried to write a book for professional perhaps, this book is not written towards a parent even though he tried. I found this book at times patronising. Read more
Published 16 months ago by Ms. L. K. Arnold
makes you think
I bought this book when i was having real difficulties with my 3 year old son. Everything we did seemed to turn into a battle of wills and life felt unbearable. Read more
Published 18 months ago by CEH
Fantastic
This is a book for anyone who feels slightly uncomfortable with the 'Supernanny' approach to parenting, but can't put their finger on why. Read more
Published 23 months ago by Georgie
Changed my life
It is no exaggeration to say that this book has changed my life by allowing me to understand things that I found extremely difficult in the way that I was parented and helping me... Read more
Published on 18 May 2010 by C. Groves
You have to read this book, you owe it to your child
I was going to say it will make you a "better and confident parent".
I changed my mind; "you owe it to your child", because this book is about the very best you can do for... Read more
Published on 1 May 2010 by Osvaldo Spadano
Only regret
My only regret with this book is that I hadn't read it many, many years sooner.

This book is crucially essential for absolutely everyone. Read more
Published on 26 April 2010 by LucyG
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