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The Book of Ultimate Truths (The Cornelius Murphy Trilogy 1) [Kindle Edition]

Robert Rankin
4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (33 customer reviews)

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Book Description

Cornelius Murphy is a big-haired seventeen year old tall school leaver, devoted avoider of regular employment and Stuff of Epics. And together with his diminutive companion and bestest friend Tuppe (the stuff of epics to a slightly lesser degree) they set out in a 1958 Cadillac Eldorado to travel the length of the British Isles in search of the missing chapters from a great and wonderful tome: The Book of Ultimate Truths. Penned by self-styled Most Amazing Man Who Ever Lived, Hugo Rune.
Although few people remember Rune today, in his time he was lionised by society for his many achievements.
He spoke seventeen languages, played darts with the Dalai Lama and shared his sleeping bag (on separate occasions) with Albert Einstein, Lawrence of Arabia, George Formby and Marilyn Monroe. He was worshipped as a god by an East Acton cargo cult and once scaled Everest in a smoking jacket and a pair of plus-fours to win a bet with Oscar Wilde. He travelled to Venus in the company of George Adamski, reinvented the ocarina and was yearly burned in effigy by the Chiswick Townswomens’ Guild.
He was an expert swordsman, a world traveller, a poet, a painter, a guru unto gurus and a passionate hater of Bud Abbot. He won a first at Oxford, squandered three fortunes, made love to a thousand women, imbibed strange drugs and almost pipped Einstein for the Nobel Prize. He was barred from every Chinese noodle parlour in West London and died penniless in a Hastings boarding house in his ninetieth year.
He penned nearly eight million words, wrote the songs that made the whole world sing and knew all the answers to all the big questions. And he was, as his acolyte Aleister Crowley once said, One Hell of a Holy Guru!
His greatest work The Book of Ultimate Truths explains in terms understandable to the layman just what life is all about. Why there are always two small screws left over when you reassemble that broken toaster. Where all the yellow handled screwdrivers go to. The truth about the A-Z street directory and the Forbidden Zones that lie hidden all around us. The spontaneous generation of crowds. Where the flat hedgehogs upon country roads really come from. The real deal about Time, the Creation of the Universe and pretty much everything really.
Throughout his long life he was constantly under attack from the Forces of Darkness that sought to stop him revealing these Ultimate Truths.
And now Cornelius and Tuppe must battle these same Dark Forces if they are to seek out and publish the missing chapters of Rune. The going won’t be easy, as they encounter demonic Scotsmen, mad monks and cake-obsessed evil fairies, but it will be a lot of fun and The Book of Ultimate Truths must be republished. The survival of Mankind depends upon it.
The Book of Ultimate Truths is the first instalment of a three part Epic Adventure to out-Epic-Adventure all three-part Epic Adventures that have gone before. The further adventures of Cornelius, Tuppe and Hugo Rune can be found in

by Robert Rankin,
also available for your kindle from AMAZON

Product Description

From the Back Cover

He had walked the earth as Nostradamus, Uther Pendragon, Count Cagliostro and Rodrigo Borgia. He could open a tin of sardines with his teeth, strike a Swan Vesta on his chin, rope steers, drive a steam locomotive and hum all the works of Gilbert & Sullivan without becoming confused or breaking down in tears. He died, penniless, at a Hastings boarding house, in his ninetieth year.

His name was Hugo Artemis Solon Saturnicus Reginald Arthur Rune, and he was never bored. Hailed as the 'guru's guru', Rune penned more than eight million words of genius including his greatest work, The Book of Ultimate Truths. But vital chapters of The Book were suppressed, chapters which could have changed the whole course of human history. Now, seventeen-year-old Cornelius Murphy, together with his best friend Tuppe, sets out on an epic quest. Their mission - recover the missing chapters. Re-publish The Book of Ultimate Truths. And save the world.

About the Author

Robert Rankin is the author of Web Site Story, Waiting for Godalming, Sex and Drugs and Sausage Rolls, Snuff Fiction, Apocalypso, The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag, Sprout Mask Replica, Nostradamus Ate My Hamster, A Dog Called Demolition, The Garden of Unearthly Delights, The Most Amazing Man Who Ever Lived, The Greatest Show Off Earth, Raiders of the Lost Car Park, The Book of Ultimate Truths, the Armageddon quartet (three books), and the Brentford trilogy (five books) which are all published by Corgi Books. Robert Rankin's latest novel, The Fandom of the Operator, is now available as a Doubleday hardback. For more information on Robert Rankin and his books, see his website at

Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 416 KB
  • Print Length: 356 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 055213922X
  • Publisher: Far Fetched Books (29 May 2012)
  • Sold by: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B0087G5YJQ
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Enabled
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (33 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #66,503 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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More About the Author

Robert Rankin describes himself as a teller of tall tales. The Morning Star describes him as 'The Master of Silliness', and his publisher describes him as The Master of Far Fetched Fiction. He is the author of more than thirty novels, of which he has sold millions of copies, and he is published - and making people laugh - around the world.

Despite his remarkable publishing success, Robert has never taken himself too seriously. He loves going on tour, signing books for readers, and his appearances at signings and conventions are legendary, often including a stand-up routine, a song (accompanied by his 'air-ukulele'), and an always-entertaining question-and-answer session. Robert Rankin is a great entertainer, whether in person or through his novels, with wit, humour and an incredible personal warmth.

But that's not all! In addition to being a talented writer, comedian and musician, he's also an incredible artist . . . so incredible, that he creates his own stunning book covers.

Reading his books can and will inspire you, scare you, thrill you and, above all, entertain you. His novels are an outlet for the soul, and food for the imagination.

The Brentford Trilogy:

The Antipope
The Brentford Triangle
East of Ealing
The Sprouts of Wrath
The Brentford Chainstore Massacre
Sex and Drugs and Sausage Rolls
Knees Up Mother Earth
The Brightonomicon

The Armageddon Trilogy:

Armageddon: The Musical
They Came and Ate Us
The Suburban Book of the Dead

Cornelius Murphy Novels:

The Book of Ultimate Truths
Raiders of the Lost Car Park
The Most Amazing Man Who Ever Lived

The Trilogy That Dare Not Speak Its Name:

Sprout Mask Replica
The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag
Waiting for Godalming

The Witches Trilogy:

The Witches of Chiswick
Knees Up Mother Earth
The Brightonomicon

Eddie Bear Novels:

The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse
The Toyminator

Standalone Novels:

The Greatest Show Off Earth
The Garden of Unearthly Delights
A Dog Called Demolition
Nostradamus Ate My Hamster
Snuff Fiction
Web Site Story
The Fandom of the Operator
The Da-da-de-da-da Code

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An adventure... Of the epic kind 1 Jun. 2012
Format:Kindle Edition
The book of ultimate truths remains one of Rankin's greatest works and is a must read for any lover of far fetched fiction.
As the start of the Cornelius Murphy trilogy it's also a great place for new readers to Rankin to dip their toes in the water. Trust me, you'll laugh like the drain of legend.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Surreal appeal 18 Dec. 2004
Cornelius (tall boy with big hair) and Tuppe (tiny boy with an active shadow) are waiting to be swept up into an epic adventure. They've just finished school and Cornelius is carefully avoiding employment, sure that some grand, heroic quest is in store for him and he must be alert and hold himself in readiness for when it begins. Then one day Cornelius receives an offer of employment that he recognises as the one he's been waiting for and only by his own inner magic or deep intuition can he find his way to the job interview. He's given a mission that involves a journey across the country via strange roads where he and Tuppe encounter weird and grotesque people and situations. They meet a dangerous and outlandish adversary who has extraordinary powers but fortunately the boys have some peculiar powers of their own. There's another world out there, hidden behind the everyday world of our experience. Cornelius and Tuppe are determined to find it.
Robert Rankin is bursting with ideas and this story is a trip. I recommend it to those who enjoy comedy fantasy/sci-fi books.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Bizarre Tale of Epic Stuff 13 Sept. 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
My first Robert Rankin read - but definitely not my last, I can't believe I haven't read anything by him before now! This is the story of Cornelius, a very tall 17 year old with wild hair and his best friend Tuppe, who is so small he can shop for clothes in Mothercare and has a moving shadow. It is set in the real world - but only just - it seems to be a real world bordering on a parallel universe - things are just ever so slightly out of true in it, with garden tools that talk back to you, and a strange cross breed of a squirrel and a fish for example. The story is the tale of an epic trip made by the two to recover the lost papers of legendary author/guru Hugo Rune, in order that his book The Ultimate Book of Truths can be republished in its entirety.

It is cracking stuff with some very bizarre moments - a car radio that will only play Max Bygraves and a karaoke machine from the future, to name but two! I was giggling my head off at some of the cultural "in jokes" that are in there. In fact I knew I was going to be in for a good read as soon as I read about Hugo Runes having a cousin called Victor!

The story just flows off the page and into your brain and before you know it half the night is gone! A good light hearted tale of epic adventure with a bit of comedy, fantasy, total bizarreness and magic thrown in for good measure. Extremely good reading - if you like Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, then this would definitely be right up your street.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant 29 Aug. 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
This is well-paced, often hilarious, epic action fantasy comic meta fiction. Robert Rankin is both unique and generic in equal measures: many authors write books that are similar to RR's, but few authors write books of the same flavour. I first read this one a decade or so ago, and recently repurchased and reread it on my Kindle on holiday, and was pleased to see age hadn't spoiled it at all. I could ramble on, but the essence is this: if you're here because you like comic fiction with an action twist, a little bit of fantasy and magic (in a strictly magical realism sense), lots of jokes (bad and good) and the occasional nudge and wink from the author, you really ought to read this book (and the rest!).
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7 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Its a tradition or an old charter or something. 1 Jun. 2012
Format:Kindle Edition
The book that opened my mind to the "real" truths out there in the big bad world. It changed my life! Well ok maybe just my humour. I found a copy in my parents attic 20 years ago, in Wales. I now live 15 mins from Brentford.... and have a thing for sprouts.

The book is just a stepping stone to the world of Mr Rankin's imagination and humour. I don't even believe its his best book, but it is certainly the starting point.

To discuss the plot, story and characters (there's a tall one and a short one) would be irrelevant. This book is more a state of mind! My favourite way to describe Rankin books would be thus; Its like Eddie Izzard, but in a book. Who is in Brentford. Drinking a pint of large. On LCD.

Anyway, if you want to know what REALLY happens inside toasters, amongst other life's mysteries, then buy this book and keep it close at all times! Its more than just a novel. its a reference book, a guide, an old charter or something.

Change your life. Buy this book. 7 out of 5 stars.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Hugo's turn 6 Jan. 2010
A typically strange and bizarre offering from Rankin, as usual based in the real world but incorporating seriously outlandish ideas and happenings. This book gives you a decent amount of background on Hugo Rune, a character that Rankin readers will be fairly familiar with, although i was slightly shocked at the lack of martial arts - it was otherwise just as expected. It was also very nice to get a very very short and probably wholly gratuitous cameo from another old favourite character down the pub.

Definitely worth a read.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars Four Stars
a laugh
Published 1 month ago by grant
5.0 out of 5 stars Rankin at the height of his deranged powers ..
Rankin at the height of his deranged powers ..
Published 2 months ago by Martin G. King
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Had the paperback now on my iPad
Published 4 months ago by Alan
3.0 out of 5 stars I haven't read it yet.
I haven't gotten around to reading this yet, but I like Robert Rankin's other books. I'm sure when I actually get around to reading this one in many years' time it'll be good. Read more
Published 7 months ago by G
4.0 out of 5 stars A Good 'un
Although all good, this - for me anyway - is up there with Mr. Rankin's classic works: Nostradamus Ate My Hamster and The Witches of Chiswick.
Published 7 months ago by Lostmind
4.0 out of 5 stars Book of Ultimate Truths
The two boys start out on an epic journey to find the missing pages from the Hugo Rune book. Hilarious , well worth the read and you'll not be disappointed
Published 13 months ago by ron
5.0 out of 5 stars amazing
One of my favourite books of all time a great read I would recommend it any day of the week
Published 13 months ago by kane smith
5.0 out of 5 stars Laugh out loud!
Great long as you don't mind guffawing in public! One of the most bizarre things I've read,I loved it!
Published 18 months ago by Mrs Amanda Porter
5.0 out of 5 stars Typical Rankin Insanity
All the better for it. Has just enough of the gruesome interspersed with the storyline to keep you reading, without needing time off to vomit. Read more
Published 20 months ago by Janet
5.0 out of 5 stars truer than true
Great book full of laughs and exciting adventures, not to mention the educational value..... I never knew the truth about hedgehogs until I was enlightened by the truth
Published 23 months ago by SLPBRFC
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