This book is interesting and full of tools to help adoptive parents bring up their kids. Unfortunately, I also find it extremely one-sided and deeply impaired by the author's own life experiences.
It focuses only on a specific type of adoptee, those that were:
Adopted by parents who couldn't conceive
Very damaged by the trauma of adoption
Extremely unhappy about having been adopted
It totally overlooks families that have adopted out of CHOICE, for whom their adopted child/ren was NOT a second choice; also those adoptees who are much more resilient than the author was herself and for whom adoption was not as damaging as it was for her.
Of course prospective adoptive parents need to be prepared for the worst case scenario (for which the book would be excellent), but frankly there are some things on this book that I found a brutal generalization that completely overlook many of those who live in the adoption world.
It should be called "20 things I wish my adoptive parents knew", or "Twenty things adopted kids very unhappy and damaged by their adoption wish their adoptive parents knew".
There are quotes from hundreds of adoptees who have suffered deeply by their adoptions, and it seems this is the type of adoptee that the author favours in her research to fit her theories. It gives very little room for the feelings and views of adoptees that have fulfilling, happy adoption experiences, and no room at all for adopters that chose to give a child a chance rather than to create a new life to bring to the world.
Over all, a good tool for parenting but exclusively focused on the negative aspects of adoption.