Trout Mask Replica

Ok so you've never heard Beefheart before, you heard about him through listening to Zappa or reading one of those twenty billion top fifty album thingy's in a music magi etc. Am I right? Well if I am then you should buy this album....I don't think your going to like it, well at least your first listen. You'll put it on and hear noise. Nonsensical, chaotic, dissonant noise. The sort of sound that comes from a bunch of people who have never played an instrument in their lives. It will hurt your head. But that will pass, put it aside and go back to it again and again. Eventually you'll hear it in a completely different way. The dissonant noise you used to hear are in fact melodies, just melodies you've never heard before, the crashing sounds are in fact extremely complex rhythms and time signatures that have up until the point of this albums creation have never really been used. That's the magic band explained now lets move onto Beefheart himself.

I first listened to Captain Beefhearts vocals on this album and couldn't understand why so many people considered him to be of a genius status. He just seems to shout, there's not much of a melody coming from his vocals its just him yelling words. But that's just it, listen to the words, read the lyrics, he's not a singer he's a poet, a poet with the wildest imagination.

Trout Mask Replica is without a doubt one of the hardest albums in the history of popular music to grasp, but it is also the most rewarding. After understanding this album I've been able to look at music in a completely different way, and truly appreciate the skill of these musicians. How they were able to create this music when listening to what came before them is to me incomprehensible (if you know of any bands before them that made anything remotely similar please let me know). But most importantly I grew to love these songs. Sure even today there's a few of them that I flick over but not many of them, each song is a burst of experimental rock bliss that makes you think about what you put into your ears. The songs are genius, the album is genius, BEEFHEART IS A GENIUS!

I am the manager of a wallaby farm in the Flow Country of Sutherland. At certain times of the year, when the dust blows forward and the dust blows back, the wallabies become restive but we keep them manageable by playing very loud music. We have experimented with many artists and genres but this is the only album in all of popular music history that subdues them completely. When the musicians play in different time signatures they break down into little groups, one group nodding its heads with the drums, another tapping its feet to the slide guitar, a third switching its tails with the Captain himself. They are motionless, mesmerised by the sheer metaphysical force of the unaccompanied Well. With this music they cannot go back to that Frownland. We thought maybe they liked just complexity and tried Mahavishnu Orchestra and King Crimson and Magma but all those excellent bands seemed self-conscious and a bit serious by comparison and they soon got unmanageable again. Those late records, Doc at the Radar Station and so on, they're also excellent but they're not quite in the same place as Trout Mask Replica and the wallabies' behaviour shows they agree. So the wallabies and me, we think it's ridiculous that TMR averages out at a lower Amazon star rating than Ice Cream for Crow, for instance. Our theory is that TMR is so famous that people are attracted to it who are just never going to get it and they wind up slating what they can't understand. I explain this to them and they nod sadly.
We're sure the Captain would like the word "wallaby" and we imagine a Magic Band tribute group: the Bulbous Wallabies. Sadly the great black birds that wheel overhead are not the same that gather outside the Captain's porch and it'll never happen. No matter, we still have this unparalleled masterpiece.

Sits down with cup of coffee, scratches head, tries to figure out how the hell to review this album objectively, candidly and above all else, truthfully. Well here's a clue, check out my title of this review. Exactly. Those of you who live in Republic Of Ireland (and maybe the UK?) will know exactly what i'm referring to with it. For everyone else... lets say it's Saturday night. You're looking forward to a night on the tiles after your average run-of-the-mill crappy week. You approach a bar/nightclub sober as a judge and the doorman very unpolitely utters those immortal words.

That's pretty much how I feel about this album. It's like I'm trying to gain access to this highly exclusive club, trying through numerous listens like i've been instructed to (havn't you heard? You need to listen to it TEN times to "get it"). While i'll certainly agree that great music is worth striving for, does it have to be at the expense of mild suffering (don't shoot me!)

Upon reading numerous reviews on this highly controversial album, it seems as though it has this rabid hardcore following that if they see or hear ANYBODY speaking ill of this daring piece of work they'll slap you on the wrist, tell you you're a bold boy, and send you to bed without any supper. Very sensitive bunch. Maybe it's a sign of the times but i've seen people handing out cyber DEATH THREATS over a show called The Wire. Apples and oranges I know, just using it as an example of some peoples fanboyism (yes I used the "F word).

Onto the songs and everything else. "Frownland" opens it up and straight away everything you've come to know about "normal" music will kick in and tell you to NOT like it. This is where peoples opinions/theories etc get interesting. You see this albums style is like nothing you've ever heard of. Take "Back In Black" by AC/DC for instance. Compare this side by side with "Frownland" and you get two types of music totally at odds with each other, when you look up the meaning for "Opposite ends of the spectrum" these two songs will come up. One (Back In Black) is trying to tie you into the groove, that perfect kick/snare/high-hat pounding groove that you simply MUST dance to. It's catchy music done to a tee.

Now back to "Frownland", "Dachau Blues", (a brilliantly sinisterpiece of songwriting), "Pachuco Cadaver", "Bills Corpse", and numerous others of it's ilk. They take melody, harmony and everything we've become accustomed to regards popular music and turn it on it's head. At first it feels like your ears are being raped, but here's my point. I was listening to a Jamie T song about a year ago called "Salvadore". The song had reached it's pre-chorus and after a certain chord/lyric I was certain it was going to go up a key, it didn't and at first I was horrified. "That sounds awful, why didn't he do what he was supposed to do....SUPPOSED to do. Since when did music become bound by rules? Suffice to say that by this stage i've grown fond of the segment/song, and it's all down to informing my brain that "no it's going to stay in the same key remember". It's accepted the change, much like people are arguing about within these hallowed comment sections, you have to abandon EVERYTHING you're used to, put in the grind, and you'll get your rewards (more on this theory later).

The album does have innovations, skits for example. We all know them from rap albums, Eminem relies heavely on them for comic relief/shock value. Much like Wu-tang Clan, Dr.Dre etc. This man (Captain Beefheart) pioneered the idea, they're very sketchy but hey, they're the first of their kind. If you want to know if there's ANY conventional songs to be found on this double (yes originally DOUBLE) album, then i'd have to say the only one that seems worthy to be digestable by Joe public would be....."Moonlight On Vermont", and that would be pushing it. Another thing to mention are the "poems" included here and there, purposely badly recorded (you can hear each section ending by a loud sound and being spliced together) another welcome twist, but they do get a bit tedious.

Back to my earlier comment regarding repeated listening offering rewards. This statement holds some creedence but let me make one thing clear. Lets say you lock me in a room and continuosly play Justin Bieber or One Direction (an artist and boyband I cannot stand) or constant re-runs of the god-awful X Factor for days on end, your brain would have two options. Either go insane or formulate a way to maintain your sanity by FORCING yourself to enjoy it. That's the feeling I get from this album, if I keep banging my head off the brick wall it might crumble, and that to me is the dealbreaker. I'm not enjoying it after 5 or 6 listens so f*** it i'm giving up. The three star review is for it's originality, daringness, scope, and for a clutch of songs/skits/poems which I actually do enjoy listening to.

A synopsis...
1.Go in with an open mind, you're not going to get 4/4 beats/love songs etc.
2.Make up your own mind, don't be bullied by the abundance of over the top fanboys skulking round here.
3.Listen to it in two sittings, it was a double album back in the good ole' days of vinyl.

That's it folks i'd say get it as it's without doubt an interesting listen, just don't be suprised if the bouncer stops you at the door.