Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay
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More About the Author
Product Description
Product Description
A book that deals with that most crucial of decisions - should you stay with your present partner or should you go? Brilliantly incisive, witty and extremely informative.
About the Author
Mira Kirshenbaum is an individual and family psychotherapist in private practice and the clinical director of the Chestnut Hill Institute in Massachusetts. She is the author of four books, including the phenomenally successful Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay (available from Plume), and has appeared on many national television shows, including The Today Show, Maury Povich, Geraldo, Sally Jessy Raphael, and an ABC News special with John Stossel. She is married, has two grown children, and lives in Boston, Massachusetts.
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
20 of 20 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I bought this book for a friend who has been trying to decide whether to leave her marriage for several years now. But I had a browse through it, and found it hugely interesting and easy to read.
I disagree with some of the other reviewers who suggest that the book encourages you to leave on the basis of a single negative response. On the contrary, the book is full of shades of grey (as in real life). The author is clear when an answer means:
- you should stay and work on the issue;
- most people who left were happy with their decision;
- etc.
but I did find that she always left open the possibility of exceptions to every rule.
It is not as cut and dried as "you've answered no and therefore you should leave", but it does make the reader examine types of behaviour that perhaps the reader wouldn't have considered or categorised before, and it explains what those behaviours mean, why they might be happening, and whether they are fatal for the marriage.
I found it very balanced between 'stay' and 'go' (it certainly isn't a marriage break-up book) and it was full of useful anecdotes. I sincerely hope my friend will find the courage to read it, and that it will help her with her choice.
One very useful thing that the author points out throughout, is that an ambivalence about whether to stay in the marriage is the worst of all worlds. If you are going to stay - then do so, and work on the problems. If you are going to leave - then do so, and get on with your life. But drifting on, in ambivalence, for years and years and years is simply a waste of both your and your spouse's lives.
I disagree with some of the other reviewers who suggest that the book encourages you to leave on the basis of a single negative response. On the contrary, the book is full of shades of grey (as in real life). The author is clear when an answer means:
- you should stay and work on the issue;
- most people who left were happy with their decision;
- etc.
but I did find that she always left open the possibility of exceptions to every rule.
It is not as cut and dried as "you've answered no and therefore you should leave", but it does make the reader examine types of behaviour that perhaps the reader wouldn't have considered or categorised before, and it explains what those behaviours mean, why they might be happening, and whether they are fatal for the marriage.
I found it very balanced between 'stay' and 'go' (it certainly isn't a marriage break-up book) and it was full of useful anecdotes. I sincerely hope my friend will find the courage to read it, and that it will help her with her choice.
One very useful thing that the author points out throughout, is that an ambivalence about whether to stay in the marriage is the worst of all worlds. If you are going to stay - then do so, and work on the problems. If you are going to leave - then do so, and get on with your life. But drifting on, in ambivalence, for years and years and years is simply a waste of both your and your spouse's lives.
13 of 13 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
This text provides a clear question and answer format allowing the reader to "score" their current relationship.
Unlike other reviewers, I did not find it 'too wordy'. I believe understanding our personal relationships deserve more than a soundbite editorial. The Author manages to be pragmatic while taking into account the complexity of the inner struggles the being dealt with by the reader. I have recommended it to many friends in need. Staying & leaving equally distributed among those who used the book, but all felt more capable of understanding & explaining the reasons for their decisions.
12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
The information in this book was very informative and will apply to anyone in an ill fated marriage or not. Did not like the way she kept referring to "She". Sometimes it was distracting. It covered most everything anyone wants to know that may be confused looking for some kind of an answer but yet informative enough to be read by a marriage that looks good. I read the whole book in about 10.5 hrs and will read it again, after I pass it to my soon to be ex-wife. Not that this book made my decision but helped me answer a few lost questions.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
If you are a romantic
If you are a romantic person and don't suffer from feeling quilty about people you leaving behind, this book will work fine for you. Read more
Published 5 months ago by Fluffy
Good to buy
The book arrived in very good conditions and in 3 days. I am so happy with it. I didn't have any problem.
Published 14 months ago by Natalia
Not helpful for the ambivalent, and isn't that the point of it?
I actually think this book does very well, to begin with, by addressing several key issues that are sometimes overlooked in a relationship before problems develop (if the... Read more
Published 14 months ago by Lizzy
Excellent!
A really excellent book - can't recommend it highly enough as it has turned my life around. Read it!
Published on 9 Jan 2010 by crumb
An accurate,enjoyable book
I am really satisfied with the book I bought and this is mainly because I knew it before I ordered it. Read more
Published on 31 Oct 2009 by Ms. A. Szijjarto
Get out of your ambivalence!
I found this book very helpful for deciding whether or not to carry on with a relationship I'd been in for 2 and a half years. Read more
Published on 14 Feb 2009 by Sue Green
excellent book
This is the best book I have come across in helping you decide whether a relationship is worth saving. Read more
Published on 14 Jan 2009 by Ms. Lynn Cotton
This book destroys Marriages.
Should I stay or should I leave is a difficult question to answer, especially if you've been married for a long time, over 20 years in my case. Read more
Published on 12 Aug 1999
The best guide to a most difficult decision
This book takes a diagnostic approach to helping me make the most difficult decision of my life. I was trying to decide if divorce was the right choice and it really helped where... Read more
Published on 24 Mar 1999
Not very inspirational, but it made some valid points...
If I followed the advice in this book, I'd be divorced, homosexual, athiest, and generally no one I'd want to be around. Read more
Published on 3 Nov 1998
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