I don't know whether you are familiar with the phenomenon of bio-luminescence, but I travelled all the way to the sun-kissed, tax-dodging paradise of Grand Cayman to witness the extraordinary scene in the so-called Bio Bay when darkness falls and the water appears to glow. It is something to do with plankton, I believe. I have to confess I was not really listening to the tour guide, I never do. Is it just me or do those guys invariably give you just too much information, peppering it with pre-used "jokes" they have told a million times, and thus deliver with all the gusto of a Speak Your Weight machine. How are you expected to take it all in? At the end of the guy in Bio Bay's schtick, he asked if anyone had any questions, and I said, "Yes, what was the title of Kajagoogoo's only UK Top Ten hit?" He didn't know.
Maybe it's me. People say I am not able to concentrate on any one thing for any length of time. Anyway, yes, this Thumbs Up Glow In The Dark Toilet Roll? I am not totally sold on the "Thumbs Up" scenario in the particular area of the body we are talking about, but what adults get up to in their own homes is really up to them, and I think maybe to misquote a former Prime Minister, we should understand more and condemn less. But boy, I was more than thrilled with the fun aspect of this product.
Remembering those crespuscular eventides in the Cayman Islands, dazzled by the glow in the bay, the silence only broken by the splashing paddles of the kayaks, and the sound of a little light money-laundering going on behind the shuttered windows of the mansions, it was as if I was back there as I tore off a sheet of the silky soft bog roll, and marvelled at the glow, alive in my hand. I stood there, facing the bowl, trousers and pants round my ankles, transfixed, and would have remained so had I not forgotten to lock the door, leading to my being disturbed in my reverie by my Aunt Rose, our house guest for the weekend. "Look Auntie, it glows," I said, "Yes, I am sure it makes you very popular with the girls," she countered, a little waspishly I thought, "If you're getting too boring, they can read a book by it." "No, the toilet paper," I said, but she was gone.
All of which brings me onto another great feature of this product. Say goodbye to embarrassed-visits-to-the-toilet-in-the-middle-of-the-night-in-somebody-else's-house misery with Thumbs Up (that still doesn't sound right) Glow In The Dark toilet roll. You know how it is when you are suddenly seized with the need for a fully comprehensive clear out in the wee small hours when you are sleeping over at a friend or relative's. You stumble around looking for a light switch, invariably either tripping over in your quest, or switching the wrong light on and waking up half the household, who are then able to enjoy the audio treat of your bowel evacuation in the nearest live equivalent to Dolby stereo, leading to embarrassed hushes over the coffee and toast the following morning.
Well, no more. Simply follow the glow all the way to your goal, take your comfort break, and no-one will be any the wiser, provided you have managed successfully to drown all your babies, if you know what I'm saying.
In summary, this products recreates the luminous glow of a Caribbean sea, it is a conversation piece for your guests, a lighting aid in the darkness, and it wipes the pony off your backside. What could be more agreeable? Er, two thumbs up.