- Paperback: 224 pages
- Publisher: Cassell Illustrated (8 Mar 2001)
- Language English
- ISBN-10: 0304354295
- ISBN-13: 978-0304354290
- Product Dimensions: 21.4 x 13.2 x 1.4 cm
- Average Customer Review: 3.1 out of 5 stars See all reviews (45 customer reviews)
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 65,703 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Product Description
Product Description
A handbook of advice on all aspects of life with a second child. Having two children is different from having one in almost every respect. The book looks at the demanding task of looking after two children, showing parents how to handle the time squeeze, feeling over-stretched, tantrums and confrontations, the complicated dynamic of the threesome, marital disharmony and returning to work.
From the Author
I was very interested to read Amazon readers' reviews and just wanted to respond to those people who thought my book too negative. Research shows that about 50% of second-time parents find it much easier than first time round and about 50% find it much harder. I very much wanted to look at the experiences of those second-time parents who find it harder. Having been there myself, I know how very lonely it can be (especially with the other 50% making you feel such a failure for finding it anything other than a breeze) and, in addition, wanted to write about the experience as honestly as possible. Judging by the testimonies of many of the women I interviewed for the book, as well as letters I've received from readers since, I can only say in response to criticism, that what some readers have found 'negative', others have found deeply reassuring. I guess this just goes to prove that there's as much diversity in our experiences of motherhood as in everything else in life - and thank heavens for that.
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
14 of 14 people found the following review helpful
I read this book when my second baby was six weeks old, but I wish I had found it earlier. At the time I was struggling to breastfeed with a milk supply diminishing daily and barely coping with my elder child's intense rage and fear at having been presented with a brother. On a daily basis we had poo-smearing, food throwing, hour-long tantrums, violence towards the baby ... I truly thought I was going mad and veering between extremes of love and hatred towards my children. Reading this book was profoundly reassuring because I found that I was not alone -- although my son had reacted very badly, nothing he had done was out of the ordinary. In fact, the research she drew upon showed that his reactions were entirely normal. I found Abrams's chapters on the practicalities of dealing with two really helpful and full of reassurance and sound advice, and they helped me to make sense of what was going on and find ways to deal with it. In particular, her advice on dealing with the anxieties of child no. 1 and sibling rivalry/jealously was practical and useful. But the bit I thought was the best was her honest and thought-provoking chapter on the emotional complexities of having, and loving two children. Reading this really helped me to sort out the emotional chaos we were all living in, and I found her honesty about the extremes of feeling that your children experience, and drive you to, very refreshing. Six months later things are getting to more of an even keel, and we have lots more good moments and rather fewer horrible ones. Finding this book was a godsend, because I was heading for a very serious bout of post-natal depression -- reading it was one of the things (the other was the support of my health visitor) that kept me out of the pit. I also liked the chapters on work and the discussion of the ways society needs to support families better. If you are planning your second child, or if you have one already, I would say that this is an essential book. It doesn't tell starry-eyed half-truths, and some might find it negative, but once you've been there, it really, really tells it like it is.
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful
I first started reading this when I was heavily pregnant with my second child, & finished it when my baby was a few weeks old. Like some of the other reviewers I found it rather negative. I'd thought from the title and cover that it would be humourous but found it quite depressing. However I did find some of the information really useful. There were lots of things which I wouldn't have connected with the new baby without reading this. For example I realised that some of the parenting problems I was having with my eldest child were classic signs of a child feeling a bit displaced by a new sibling.
I've recently re-read the book 2 years on and found it really interesting to look back and see that lots of what she talks about was very true for my family, and I wish I'd re-read it earlier - maybe when my baby was about 6-7 months. However I do still feel that there could be a little more focus on the joys of having a second child - believe me, there are some wonderful moments that, for me, far outweigh the problems.
I think the strength of this book (& also what makes it a bit of a gloomy read) is that the author does cover pretty much everything that might go wrong when you have a second child, & hopefully for most families only some of these things will actually happen to you, so I think it depends on your personality whether you want to know all this in advance. Some people might find it useful to be forewarned of possible problems. On the other hand I think some will find it quite a depressing read and would rather just deal with things as they arise and not know about problems they might never have to face. Decide on which type of person you are and use that to decide whether this book is for you!
I've recently re-read the book 2 years on and found it really interesting to look back and see that lots of what she talks about was very true for my family, and I wish I'd re-read it earlier - maybe when my baby was about 6-7 months. However I do still feel that there could be a little more focus on the joys of having a second child - believe me, there are some wonderful moments that, for me, far outweigh the problems.
I think the strength of this book (& also what makes it a bit of a gloomy read) is that the author does cover pretty much everything that might go wrong when you have a second child, & hopefully for most families only some of these things will actually happen to you, so I think it depends on your personality whether you want to know all this in advance. Some people might find it useful to be forewarned of possible problems. On the other hand I think some will find it quite a depressing read and would rather just deal with things as they arise and not know about problems they might never have to face. Decide on which type of person you are and use that to decide whether this book is for you!
19 of 20 people found the following review helpful
I too am saddened to see all the negative feedback about this book - I have read it and it really isn't half as bad as it's made out. Forewarned is forearmed and many mums jst aren't prepared for the life changes that come about with first one child and then the completely different dynamic of two children. Why do we women make having children such a competition - never wanting to admit when there is a problem or that we need help - this book clearly displays some of the real issues about having a 2nd child. BUT there are also handy tips for making the whole thing smoother. Now if you completely don't relate to this book and any of the annecdotes in it then you must be the perfect parent - always organised. Personally I don't profess to be that perfect and so find this book a real breath of fresh air. It's almost humourous to know that thousands of other mums are going through the exact same probs as you - like you're not alone. Thank you a most refreshing read.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
Good preparation for baby number two!
Thanks to Mumsnetters mentioning this book on several occasions, I decided to take the plunge and read this warts and all account of having two children to look after. Read more
Published 11 months ago by Kiwibump
Like it
I had this book saved in my wish list but I found it walking down the street one day which was a real treat, someone had left a pile of books on their front garden wall with a note... Read more
Published 20 months ago by Tasha B
Read it, but don't let it put you off...!
I bought this book when my first son was 4 months old and, soundly warned but unperturbed, I had my second child when my first was 20 months. Read more
Published 22 months ago by Frankie1
You mean I'm not the worst mum ever?!
This book was recommended to me when my second daughter was 10 months old and has helped to save my sanity! Read more
Published 23 months ago by mumof2
Don't read this until you had your second child!
I bought this book after a recommendation from someone who found it useful after her second child. I am considering a second child, and had to stop reading this book as it was... Read more
Published on 31 Jan 2010 by A. King
Love it! Humourous and well put together.
I don't recognsie this book from the negative reviews. I'm onto child number 3 by now and have bought or recommended this book to all the second time Mums I have come across (and... Read more
Published on 1 Jan 2010 by A. Gean Davis
Read it before you conceive!
I bought this book with 3 weeks to go until my second was born. I regret ever having seen it in all honesty. Read more
Published on 27 Feb 2009 by Mrs. M. C. Rigby
Fantastic book
I thought this book was fantastic for helping you think about possible issues with having a 2nd child. Read more
Published on 7 Jan 2008 by Sue Saker
Everything I did not want or need to hear about have a second child
I have just stopped reading this book. I am 7 months pregnant and not in total control of my emotions. Read more
Published on 6 Nov 2007 by T. Leivers
A great resource for helping you realise your fears are normal!
I found this book when I was pregnant with my second child and was having panics about 'how do I put both children to bed at the same time' 'who do I look after first if both are... Read more
Published on 30 Aug 2007 by PJ
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