I arrive in a Transit van, which I seem to do rather a lot. Before me is a scene of utter devastation. It s like the aftermath of a Tourettes sufferers beer festival ... I do solemnly and sincerely declare and affirm that I will well and truly serve the Queen in the office of constable, with fairness, integrity, diligence and impartiality, upholding fundamental human rights and according equal respect to all people; and that I will, to the best of my power, cause the peace to be kept and preserved and prevent all offences against people and property; and that while I continue to hold the said office I will to the best of my skill and knowledge discharge all the duties thereof faithfully according to law ... ...by doing lots of pointless, ineffective things, ...but in a streamlined, efficient and business-like manner. Ah. Knew that we d gone wrong somewhere a long the line. Welcome to This Victorian Playground...