Ghost hunter Cyrus Kriticos (F. Murray Abraham) and his physic assistant Dennis Rafkin (Matthew Lillard) have traced the ghost of Juggernaut (a serial killer called Horace "Breaker" Mahoney) to a junkyard. During the fight many are killed, including Cyrus, but Juggernaut is captured. Just why has Cyrus been collecting the ghosts of vengeful spirits? Enter Cyrus's nephew, Arthur (Tony Shalhoub), and his two children, who since the tragic death of their wife and mother respectively have fell on hard times. They are informed via the family estate lawyer that they have inherited Cyrus's bizarre maze of a mansion. So with babysitter Maggie in tow, they enter their dream home along with the suddenly appeared Rafkin, who is looking to get paid the money that Cyrus still owes him, and the lawyer. From where they unwittingly activate a machine that unleashes 12 murderous and vengeful ghosts.
Produced by Robert Zemeckis and Joel Silver, it's no wonder that this remake of William Castle's fun and creaky 1960 film of the same name is a ball of noise and bedlam. Dispensing with Castle's creepy house formula, the makers here go for attempted psychopathic gross out set amongst a complex story, within a science fiction type mansion. The house works as a spectacle, the glass and metal revolves and slides and acts as a ghost prison-cum-deadly weapon in itself. But the makers forgot one very basic ingredient, it's just not scary-at all. Once the ghosts are unleashed, a vile looking and odd bunch they be, the whole bloody shrieking and banging things antics quickly grows tiresome. All sense of peril and potential hope for gore disappears, rapidly replaced by bad acting and potential harm to our eyes and ears. It's a shame because the premise is a dandy, if only they had thought it thru and hired better writers and a better director than the hopelessly out of his depth Steve Beck.
To rub salt into the already weary wounds, upon searching thru the DVD of the film we find the ghosts have unique and interesting back stories. Now that would surely have made a better film one feels. Some nice design and a couple of tricksy moments aside, this Thirteen Ghosts just about scrapes in as a drunken time filler. 3.5/10