- Hardcover: 384 pages
- Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing PLC (16 Sep 2002)
- Language English
- ISBN-10: 0747551561
- ISBN-13: 978-0747551560
- Product Dimensions: 23.6 x 15.5 x 3.8 cm
- Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (55 customer reviews)
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 56,810 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- See Complete Table of Contents
They F*** You Up
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Product Description
Review
'A classic. An absolute, slam-dunk tour-de-force guaranteed to make you think more deeply than ever about what made you who you are. Oliver James gets us to prise open all the cobwebbed cupboards of our lives and teaches us how to dust down and tidy up the mess we find inside ... It may be the most frightening book since The Shining, but it's also the most helpful since the Highway Code' Jeremy Vine 'With fascinating case studies from Prince Charles to Jeffrey Archer, this accessible book explains how our childhood experiences dramatically shape our lives' Daily Mail 'He presents some compelling evidence for his case in this popular examination of recent research into how we develop ... An interesting read' Irish Times 'Taking Larkin's words as a starting point, psychologist Oliver James looks at what makes us what we are and argues forcibly in favour of nurture, claiming that how we are cared for during early childhood is the fundamental factor' Daily Express
--This text refers to the
Paperback
edition.
Review
Clinical psychologist Oliver James argues that we are shaped far more by nurture than nature and that everything about our adult lives largely depends on our childhood experiences. This explains why siblings can be so unlike each other, and James gives an example of this through interviews with the identical twins Gail and Gillian Blakeney from the TV soap Neighbours who have identical genes but very different psychological profiles. Other more famous celebrity interviewees include Jeffrey Archer and Stephen Fry, and there are fascinating psychobiographies of Woody Allen, Mia Farrow and Prince Charles. However, the main thrust of this highly accessible book is to help us to move forward from being actors in a play scripted by our early childhood history to becoming the author of our own authentic experiences.
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
33 of 35 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
It always pains me to read luke-warm Amazon reviews of a book that has really impressed me so I feel I must add my enthusiastic praise to this page. As a layman to the field of psychoanalysis, I am fascinated by the insights James has provided me with and I truly believe he has written an acurate and useful book that many people will benefit from.
If you can't afford the £40/hour to see a shrink, you could do worse than blow the money on expanding your self-knowledge and understanding with a copy of this.
18 of 19 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
Well... may be not. It could certainly make you stop and think. While parts of it are debatable, especially in terms of the stuff on genetics and the focus on the first six years, it is in most ways an outstanding book. It is refreshing in that it does not try to be a self-help book. Yet, by avoiding the gimics and nonsense of many self-help books, it presents a superb account of how we as individuals come to be.
Personally I found it very helpful, it gave me a lot of insights into my own insecurities and provides a real anchor point for understanding. There are also some useful exercises throughout the book to do an 'emotional audit.'
This book is very well written and cogently summarises a lot of theories, as well as illustrating points with interesting biographies of well known people.
This book should have a wide appeal: to anyone who has struggled in relationships, to a student of psychology or related discipline, or to the intersted general reader.
Personally I found it very helpful, it gave me a lot of insights into my own insecurities and provides a real anchor point for understanding. There are also some useful exercises throughout the book to do an 'emotional audit.'
This book is very well written and cogently summarises a lot of theories, as well as illustrating points with interesting biographies of well known people.
This book should have a wide appeal: to anyone who has struggled in relationships, to a student of psychology or related discipline, or to the intersted general reader.
28 of 30 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
It is very important that you read Oliver James' introduction to this book if you choose to buy it. If you've decided to read a book sub-titled 'How to Survive Family Life' the chances are you may already hold at least the foundations of a grudge against your parents. Oliver James makes it clear that he does not wish to make family strife worse. The book's title is inspired by a Philip Larkin poem and readers should know that the poem's ultitmate advice is not to have children. This book ends on a much more upbeat note. In fact throughout the book the author contends that a person's pyschology is moulded by their parents and that this is a much happier position than if personalities, and therefore personality disorders, were all 100% genetic. He maintains that with education and support parents can change for the better. He also believes that people can use analysis of their childhoods to see why they behave the way they do and perhaps understand themselves for the better - and at the very least ensure their own children get an easier ride of things. The book treats the reader, and therefore every reader, as if he/she was a patient and it is somewhat frustrating not to be able to talk back. Interestingly (please note if you are a publisher) I liked it because I didn't feel beneath it in the way I do with many 'self-help' titles.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
Not revelvant to my life
I was enamoured by 'They F*** You Up' and was very interested to find out his theories on not making the same mistakes yourself. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Kirsty Campbell
Highly recommended
I highly recommend this book. As a first time parent to be I found the research into how your parental style can affect the way your baby grows up illuminating. Read more
Published 4 months ago by R. D. Norris
A must for everyone struggling with family dynamics/mental helath...
A real eye-opener! Wish I'd read it before I had my child as the information helps you understand yourself and why you sometimes react in negative ways to every day stresses,... Read more
Published 6 months ago by KT D
Really useful for counselling courses.
Says a lot about family life today. Takes Bowlby's attachment theory and using modern examples expands on it. Shows how early family life really can shape how we are.
Published 7 months ago by KAW
Helps You Understand Your Self
This is a good read for anybody who wants to understand why families can be a burden on our personal growth. Read more
Published 8 months ago by Nathan Strange
Most of it is soooo true
I love this book as I now I understand a lot of things about my mom, dad and my childhood. There are parts I wouldn't necessarily agree with but most of it true and help you to... Read more
Published 12 months ago by Monica
Dont waste your time!
I was recomended this book so I immediatly purchased it....What a bloody waste of money. I have tried 5 times to read it but its too complicated. Read more
Published 15 months ago by minifish
Money well spent
In depth analysis of parenting and how it plays a part in how we develop, made me aware of just how difficult it is to be a perfect parent, everything plays a part, even... Read more
Published 17 months ago by siomatan
4th copy so far
I recommend this book so highly that everytime I lend it to friends they never want to bring it back so I have to keep buying it again
This book can really make you... Read more
This book can really make you... Read more
Published 17 months ago by MarkyMark
They F*** You Up
very interesting read although does not always read smoothly. Definitely an eye opener and will enlighten anyone who reads it - be careful not to take it too literally though!
Published 21 months ago by mmmm
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