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The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond [Paperback]

Patricia Evans
4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (51 customer reviews)
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Book Description

30 April 2010
In this fully expanded and updated third edition of the bestselling classic, you learn why verbal abuse is more widespread than ever, and how you can deal with it. You'll get more of the answers you need to recognize abuse when it happens, respond to abusers safely and appropriately, and most important, lead a happier, healthier life.

In two all-new chapters, Evans reveals the Outside Stresses driving the rise in verbal abuse--and shows you how you can mitigate the devastating effects on your relationships. She also outlines the Levels of Abuse that characterize this kind of behavior--from subtle, insidious put-downs that can erode your self-esteem to full-out tantrums of name-calling, screaming, and threatening that can escalate into physical abuse.

Drawing from hundreds of real situations suffered by real people just like you, Evans offers strategies, sample scripts, and action plans designed to help you deal with the abuse--and the abuser.

This timely new edition of The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Expanded Third Edition puts you on the road to recognizing and responding to verbal abuse, one crucial step at a time!


Frequently Bought Together

The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond + Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men + The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing
Price For All Three: £24.68

Buy the selected items together


Product details

  • Paperback: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Adams Media Corporation; Expanded third ed edition (30 April 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1440504636
  • ISBN-13: 978-1440504631
  • Product Dimensions: 14 x 1.6 x 21.6 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (51 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 21,112 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

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Product Description

Review

"The book that helped change Brandy's life." Oprah.com "A groundbreaking book..." --Newsweek "A great, great book." --Sonya Friedman, CNN"

About the Author

Patricia Evans is the bestselling author of four books, including The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out, Controlling People and The Verbally Abusive Man: Can He Change? She has appeared on Oprah, CNN, national radio, and in Newsweek and O, The Oprah Magazine. Patricia lives in the San Francisco Bay Area and can be reached via her website at www.VerbalAbuse.com.

Inside This Book (Learn More)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
41 of 42 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful, well worth the time and money! 9 Jan 1999
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
This is an important book for EVERYONE to read. I was raised by two very abusive people and often worry I will be one too. This book helped me to see things I may do that are abusive. It also helped me to realize that the person I love does NOT have a split personality but IS verbally abusive. (We all justify it somehow!) It also gave insight into how I should respond so that the abuse will stop or I will move on to a healthier relationship!
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36 of 37 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
This is the best book I have read about verbal abuse. I am an attorney and come across women (and a few men) who are in verbally and emotionally abusive relationships. Because verbal abuse is usually done in secret, it is not witnessed by others. This book helps the victim understand how to recognize abuse, validates the victim's perception of what is happening and offers solid suggestions as to what to do to control abuse and to protect oneself.
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14 of 14 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An all too common problem 6 May 2011
By Sophia
Format:Paperback
Do you stop yourself mentioning trivial things because you know they will cause an argument?
Do you find your partner getting irritated by something you've done nearly every day?
Do you wonder at times whether you're in the dock on trial for your life with a barrister firing questions at you to which there is no right answer?
Do you wonder whether you are actually going mad and losing your memory because you know things didn't happen how you've been told they did?
Are you walking on egg shells all the time trying not to say the wrong thing - even though you don't really know what the wrong thing is?

If you answer `yes' to any of these questions then you could be in a verbally abusive relationship. One of the major problems is you may be so used to the snide remarks and the rows that blow up over trivial things and out of a clear sky that you do not recognise it as abuse. No one should be called names or spend their life in fear of saying the wrong thing. Adults discuss things calmly and rationally. Yes everyone has arguments from time to time but not everyone feels the need to cover up trivial mistakes because you just know they will start a ten minute tirade about how stupid you are.

I found this book enlightening and horrifying. Even more horrifying is that there may be no solution to such problems unless the abusive person wants to change. The book does detail many possible scenarios from the author's casebook and it does provide ways of dealing with the abuse. Simple things such as walking away or saying `Stop that', `Cut it out' etc will start to establish that you are not prepared to tolerate the abuse.
... Read more ›
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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Recomended reading for all! 4 Jan 1999
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
What an eye opening experience this book was for me. It made me realize I was not the one with the problem. I was being controlled by power over reality not mutuality and respect. My only negetive comment about the book is the author assumes verbal abuse is a men`s issue.....This is so very untrue.Many of us male and female grow up in power over homes only to choose mates in that likeness!Everyone should read this book to gain knowledge of this type of abuse!
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58 of 61 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
I stayed in a verbally abusive relationsip longer than I would have if I had not found it so difficult to put my misgivings into words. There was the shame of complaining about behaviors that were on the surface benign or positive or just feelings without words. This book gave me the words and the validation I needed..

I would like to remind the author that women are not the only ones who can suffer verbal abuse, which can be subtle and insidious.

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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars It works! 20 July 2011
By Velvet
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
I didn't realise the way people could be abusive subtlely, so I am much more alert to these 'bingos'.

Also I found it helpful to know why the abuser and realise that they want Power Over Me to control me. I now diffuse the situation (which stifles the abuser).

ALso it was very helpful to find the right words to say in an abusive situation particularly if you are feeling shell shocked.

I have had a couple of successes after reading the book.

The abuser was finding fault with me, even though I helped him out with money about 10 mins earlier as his card got stolen. I reminded him of this and said 'can we stop it, I have just helped you when you had your debit card pinched, with temp money, of £25 can you think about what you said'.
He did and then realised and 'yes, you don't deserve that'. It made him realise what HE was saying and not finding fault with me! He felt a bit guilty!

He also did it a day earlier and I said 'Stop it right now', and we changed the subject. It was a little subdued as he was a bit stuck for words what to say after that. I think he was a little shocked I stood up for myself!

I even started to do more things on my own, somethings without him as there are things he is not interested in. I was starting to lose my confidence and personality. I remember when I went to a Museum on my own, he tried to undermine it saying 'what is the point of it?'. I then said 'Stop it right now (kind of way) and said Well I liked it and I learned a lot. I also said I was
glad that I went without him as he would just spoil it. You know what he said, later, after I spoke about it and about the stuff I learned, that he wanted to go to the museum!

He once asked me about my day, but his eyes were glazed.
... Read more ›
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Very helpful
This was a highly regarded book when I started researching the subject. When I started reading I liked the style of writing and found it very supportive.
Published 28 days ago by Nik E
2.0 out of 5 stars Very narrow minded view points
Not recommended- this book had rave reviews, im not 1 for views that encourage victim mentality. I think people should be directed towards books which first help understanding and... Read more
Published 2 months ago by Tina
5.0 out of 5 stars Hit the nail on the head
After two and a half years, and a roller coaster of emotions, I have finally found some answers. If you are in a relationship, have done months of self reflection & still feel... Read more
Published 3 months ago by MW
5.0 out of 5 stars Incredibly infomative
Educational for the layman as well as a trained therapist. Everyone who is interested in this subject should purchase a copy. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Ms fuller
5.0 out of 5 stars Eye opening
I have just got myself out of a verbally abusive relationship and this book helped me realise that it wasn't just in my head!
Published 5 months ago by Cara Morgan
5.0 out of 5 stars This book could have been written with my relationship in mind.
I now know what I had suspected anyway...that my partner verbally abuses me. I am now armed with the knowledge I need to help me through the trauma that undoubtedly lies ahead... Read more
Published 6 months ago by Mrs. H. Jamieson
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent insight
I purchased this book for a client, it is particularly helpful as it lists abusive behaviour...often 'victims'do not realise they are indeed in an abusive relationship until thy... Read more
Published 9 months ago by angeleyes
5.0 out of 5 stars Life Changing.
After ten years of marriage and knowing there was 'issues' within the marriage... I tried everything from reading many books on how to improve your.. Read more
Published 12 months ago by Nala Pajeme
4.0 out of 5 stars verbally abusive relationship
Excellent read for any one who is or was in an abusive relationship to help understand the abuse how to recognise and to change to prevent going into another abusive relationship... Read more
Published 13 months ago by sam
5.0 out of 5 stars Verbally abusive relationships
A great must for every woman and man. As you move on through the chapters you understand more and more how many forms of verbal abuse exist, and how to defend yourself.
Published 19 months ago by Lucy
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