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Product Description
Product Description
The gay male world today is characterized by seductive beauty, artful creativity, flamboyant sexuality, and, encouragingly, unprecedented acceptability in society. Yet despite the progress of the recent past, gay men still find themselves asking, "Are we really better off?" The inevitable byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, a shame gay men may strive to obscure with a faade of beauty, creativity, or material success. Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author's own journey to be free of anger and of shame, as well as the stories of many of his friends and clients, The Velvet Rage outlines the three distinct stages to emotional well-being for gay men. Offering profoundly beneficial strategies to stop the insidious cycle of avoidance and self-defeating behavior, The Velvet Rage is an empowering book that will influence the public discourse on gay culture, and positively change the lives of gay men who read it.
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First Sentence
We are all born into this world helpless, love-starved creatures. Read the first page
Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
We are all born into this world helpless, love-starved creatures. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
22 of 23 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
At the beginning of this book I had several jaw dropping moments, hearing some one describe perfectly how my life had developed as a gay man from childhood in a generally homophobic world, and what was the source of my internal rage that I had endured throughout my life. 'The little boy with the big secret' as he so perfectly described it. Even the title of the book spoke to me, having harboured an unknown anger all my life that I was keen to make sense of. I was so keen to read on and hear what he had to say. I had read reviews before reading it saying that the book was indeed life changing. It certainly gave me that impression in the first few chapters that it might well be. But as the book progressed it all seemed so one dimensional. It assumed that all gay men are obsessive careerists, with perfect bodies, or the desire to have perfect bodies. Where I wondered was the advice for the less than perfectionist gay, the ones who might be over weight or who have no clue how to dress themselves or style a home. I suspect they would have only become further alienated by this book. As indeed would the people who don't flit from lover to lover, and aren't youth obsessed.
There is a distinct cultural difference between American gay men and european ones, even though there are global similarities obviously. And this is a very American book, which is directed towards American gay men. I do think that there is an increased obsession with success in the USA, that you don't find so much certainly here in the UK, and that is reflected here.
I read on through the book as he went on to highlight our failings as gay adults, and what was the cause of them, I felt that he offered little in way of solution. All I really gained from the book was that I probably needed therapy as a result of my Velvet Rage, but then he is a therapist.
I think this book will benefit some people, but it doesn't go across the board to speak to every (gay) man, as I had thought it might with such a promising start.
There is a distinct cultural difference between American gay men and european ones, even though there are global similarities obviously. And this is a very American book, which is directed towards American gay men. I do think that there is an increased obsession with success in the USA, that you don't find so much certainly here in the UK, and that is reflected here.
I read on through the book as he went on to highlight our failings as gay adults, and what was the cause of them, I felt that he offered little in way of solution. All I really gained from the book was that I probably needed therapy as a result of my Velvet Rage, but then he is a therapist.
I think this book will benefit some people, but it doesn't go across the board to speak to every (gay) man, as I had thought it might with such a promising start.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
A previous commenter rightfully pointed out that the stories within this book are very limited in their scope (all seemingly about beautiful rich successful west-coast American men). They are slightly distracting. But beyond them, between them, there are some beautiful insights. If you can take what is quite generic, and use it to cast a light into your own dark corners, then this book will make you a richer person. If you attach yourself to the (sometimes trivial) examples, or if you find yourself angry at the generalisations, this book will probably irritate you. You will probably benefit more from the bespoke attention of a counsellor.
How we get our shame and seek validation may be quite specific to gay men, but the third section - on seeking authenticity - is a concise (perhaps just a little too hurried) lesson in self-improvement that will ring true for most people. (Pretty much the same message is reflected by Brene Brown in a TED talk called 'The Power of Vulnerability).
How we get our shame and seek validation may be quite specific to gay men, but the third section - on seeking authenticity - is a concise (perhaps just a little too hurried) lesson in self-improvement that will ring true for most people. (Pretty much the same message is reflected by Brene Brown in a TED talk called 'The Power of Vulnerability).
11 of 12 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
A really excellent book. A very easy read but at the same time very analytical but always corresponded to contemporary examples so not just intellectual waffle.
Felt that it helped me understand myself (and friends) a lot more
Be great if there was a follow up with more of a self help / how to slant.
Highly highly recommended!
Felt that it helped me understand myself (and friends) a lot more
Be great if there was a follow up with more of a self help / how to slant.
Highly highly recommended!
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
Not all that is soft and fluffy is real velvet!
The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing up Gay in a Straight Man's World.
Alan Downs, PH. Read more
Alan Downs, PH. Read more
Published 4 months ago by A. J. Russell-pattison
Brilliant, informative read
A very readable book which rings true to many situations. Not written in syco babble but very easily comprehensible. Very enlightening too
Published 6 months ago by mr m alexander
This is an excellent book
Of course, no book can explain away every individual's thoughts and feelings 100%, but this book is an excellent starting point and should be compulsory reading for every gay man... Read more
Published 7 months ago by Cumulonimbus
a good read
I found this book extremely engaging as I could relate to most of the issues brought up by the author. Read more
Published 9 months ago by Geothing
Perfect!
This book gives people such a deep insight into the issues surrounding sexuality, it's amazing! I would recommend it to everyone of all sexualities, I think it's aimed at more then... Read more
Published 13 months ago by B.Clart
There is something in it
That the author was raised as a Christian fundamentalist may explain the template through which he sees his clients. Read more
Published 13 months ago by Mr. D. P. Jay
flawed, but with helpful parts
Way too many generalisations for my taste. All gay men are the same. And they all are exactly as in the show "A-list New York".
Example (p.74) "... Read more
Example (p.74) "... Read more
Published 13 months ago by Yev
Amazing book!
It cleared things out for me and helped me better understand myself and my history within the context I live.
Published 14 months ago by David Ferrer
A must read!
This book was a complete eye-opener from beginning to end, which it actually took a couple of hours to read as it is quite small and readable. Read more
Published 15 months ago by RunpelUK
One of the least self-helpy self-help books I've read
I bought this because I saw it recommended somewhere, maybe in Attitude. I read a few of the reviews, and what was written seemed to gel with my own experiences as a child, even... Read more
Published 17 months ago by P. Hannam
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