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The Vampire Relationship Guide, Volume 1: Meeting and Mating [Kindle Edition]

Evelyn Lafont
4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)

Print List Price: £4.61
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Book Description

Josie's an average girl who just wants one simple thing out of life--to have sex with a vampire. When she receives an invitation to a party thrown by one of the world's richest vamps, she doesn't stop to question her luck; she jumps into her favorite stilettos and heads out to the event of a lifetime, hoping that she'll come home with a sexy party favor.

But the great undead aren't just pointy toothed hotties waiting to satisfy Josie's carnal desires. With a single-minded focus on fulfilling her sole sexual longing, Josie unwittingly entrenches herself in the twisted world of vampire relationships with no one to guide her but herself.

EXCERPT OF THIS PARANORMAL COMEDY ROMANCE

By the time we got to Rocket Burger, I felt like I’d been ridden hard and put away wet. And if I’d just been having sex that would have been great, but considering that I felt this way after a ten minute drive with Walker, it didn’t bode well for the rest of the evening.

Walker, as a vampire, generally didn’t get hot. So when the air conditioning went out in his truck he saw no need to fix it. In order to keep me from suffocating or sweating literally to death on the ride to Rocket Burger, we had to drive with the windows rolled down. Naturally this didn’t really cool me off so much as whip my hair into a crazy frenzy, get sand and road dust stuck to my face, and evenly spread my sweat all over my body. In short, I was disgusting.

We got out of the car and Walker asked me something but I couldn’t hear him over the roar of hundreds of motorcycles all revving their engines for bike night. Since I also can’t read lips I simply looked at Walker stupidly, unsure how to even react to the sounds he was obviously trying to make.

“You have a hair,” he shouted, “going up your nose!”

Of course I did. I ran my fingers through my hair and tried to make it look sexily tousled but I’m sure I didn’t achieve the look. “Can we get a table?” I shouted back to him.

He smiled and grabbed my hand and then pulled me toward the building. Rocket Burger is made up of two different sections--the original restaurant which is closed-in and air-conditioned and the ramshackle shack portion of the restaurant which has a lovely and quaint dirt floor, picnic tables, and random two-by-fours with plywood crookedly affixed to them as “walls.” How it has survived hurricane season in Florida for over fifty years is anybody’s guess.

Walker led me to the unair-conditioned ramshackle portion of the restaurant and we sat down at an empty picnic table. Since my white shorts were already looking less than clean, I didn’t bother to wipe off the seat. To hell with it, I thought. It’s not like we’re ever going on another date.

The waitress came to our table and asked what we wanted to drink. We both ordered beer and I went ahead and put in my hamburger order too. Walker, apparently, wasn’t hungry because he didn’t ask for anything in the way of food. Maybe I wasn’t the only one that wanted to get this over with quickly.

I was surprised when Walker’s hand reached across the table and rested on top of mine. One of my eyebrows went up and I looked at him. “Really? Is that how you feel this date is going? It’s going well enough to touch each other?”

He laughed. “I’m a man, Josie. We could be swinging bats at each other’s heads and I’d still want to touch you.

***
Book Blogger Reviews:

"The snarky wit and humor Evelyn Lafont uses will leave you gasping for more." -Stephanie Gutenberger, www.bookloveblog.com
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"I wasn't sure what to expect from this book but whatever it was it sure went way beyond it. It was awesome. I loved it.Josie was smart, funny and totally sarcastic kinda girl that I love."-Amber, www.awesomesaucebookclub.com
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"I read half of this little novella last night in the bath. I thought I was going to have to sue Evelyn for the cost of a new kindle, the amount of times I nearly dropped it in the water from laughing so har


Product Description

About the Author

"Hi, my name's Evelyn. I write about stuff with fangs." Evelyn Lafont is a keyboard hussy: a full-time freelance writer and author. She lives in Florida with three cats and a totally alpha hubby whose obsession with getting Hugh Jackman's arms has earned him the nickname, "Wolverine." She seems to think that being married to a much, much older man qualifies her as an expert on vampire romance. Her love of everything zombie and dystopian often pulls her away from the paranormal romance genre into some kind of weird sci-fi, horror, erotica mélange ... but then her hubby's defined biceps drive her right into the arms of werewolf erotica. Visit http://www.evelynlafont.com to subscribe to her newsletter, get free stuff, find out about upcoming releases and read her many real-life tales of mishappery and wonder.

Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 967 KB
  • Print Length: 180 pages
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Publisher: Helios Media, Inc. (3 Dec. 2013)
  • Sold by: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B004UI6HGE
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #493,503 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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More About the Author

"Hi, my name's Evelyn. I write about stuff with fangs."

Evelyn Lafont is a keyboard hussy: a full-time freelance writer and author. She lives in Florida with three cats and a totally alpha hubby whose obsession with getting Hugh Jackman's arms has earned him the nickname, "Wolverine."

She seems to think that being married to a much, much older man qualifies her as an expert on vampire romance. Her love of everything zombie and dystopian often pulls her away from the paranormal romance genre into some kind of weird sci-fi, horror, erotica mélange ... but then her hubby's defined biceps drive her right into the arms of werewolf erotica.

Visit http://www.evelynlafont.com to subscribe to her newsletter, get free stuff, find out about upcoming releases and read her many real-life tales of mishappery and wonder.

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Customer Reviews

4.2 out of 5 stars
4.2 out of 5 stars
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A light, fun and satirical vampire read. 20 Jun. 2011
By Cait
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I read half of this little novella last night in the bath. I thought I was going to have to sue Evelyn for the cost of a new kindle, the amount of times I nearly dropped it in the water from laughing so hard. The story follows Josie, who has decided to persue a relationship with out favourite blooksucking fiends who in this universe are out and proud. Josie is hilarious. She's the perfect mix of sarcasm, adorable naivete and humorous commentary. Her comebacks were longwinded, often obscure and occasionally slightly stupid. She's fantastic. Move over Sookie Stackhouse, cause Josie's here to stay and she's funnier, less whiny and a damn site better looking. She does appear to be having an equally eventful stay in the vampire romance camp however.

For a novella there was an impressive amount of world building in this novel. We learnt a lot about LaFont's take on vampire lore,which is imaginative and realistic and obviously well conceived. I loved that we also found out this information through Josie's occasionally tactless and offensive questioning-which removed the need for out and out exposition allowing the story to flow well. I loved how LaFont stayed true to the Anne Rice claim that vampires are all beautiful because why would you turn an ugly person? That made me giggle, me and my boyfriend had a debate about that explanation vs the beauty being a part of vampirism only a few nights ago-I knew he'd appreciate that addition.

There was much more of a storyline than you expect from the synopsis, which was a very pleasant surprise. I loved the development of the plot, Josie ends up with not one but two fit vampires clamouring for her attention. Naturally, one is a complete dick. And not in that sorta charming Jace-like way, he's actually a dick. It's hilarious.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars ARC Review: The Vampire Relationship Guide 31 Mar. 2011
By Amazon Customer VINE VOICE
Format:Kindle Edition
The Vampire Relationship Guide Volume 1 is the first book in a series by Evelyn Lafont. This short novel is full of mystery and humour.

Josie works in a bridal shop, the worst place to meet the man of her dreams. The only thing is the man of her dreams isn't technically a man - he's a vampire. All of Josie's dreams come true when she is invited to a vampire party. This could be her chance to meet Mr Right..fangs and all.

Well not only does Josie land up dating one vampire, but she ends up dating another one too. Gregory is the vampire of Josie's dreams; gorgeous, rich and a gentleman. Walker is the exact opposite of what she is looking for; a smoker and awful and rude to women. Who does she end up with? Well I will let you read that to find out.

My favourite part of the book was the ending where Josie realised who Mr Right for her is. She has been on a rollercoaster of a ride and to be honest, I was a bit confused as to who she should trust. There is one sex scene in this book and I must admit it is rather hot, so if hot and steamy scenes are your thing, you will love this book. Josie constantly has sex with vampires on the brain. She is so quirky and lovable as a character. I also loved the detailed explanations as to how the vampires in Lafont's novel had to stay away from the sun etc. Brilliantly executed.

Overall, thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and I would definitely recommend it to my friends and fellow bloggers. It's a nice short read and has all the right elements that is needed in a vampire romance. Can't wait for the next instalment.

Disclaimer: I was sent this e-book ARC as part of a book blog tour from The Bookish Snob Promotions. I was not paid to review this book and everything I have said is of my own honest opinion.
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4.0 out of 5 stars Good Read 6 Oct. 2013
Format:Kindle Edition
A good, fun, lightweight read. I enjoyed this and would recommend it to other readers. Looking forward to reading the next one in the series.
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5.0 out of 5 stars excellant book 25 July 2013
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
loved the story which is more of an adult read as of late. Interesting story but definitely 18 only and cant wait to read the second book
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