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The Unbitten Onion
 
 

The Unbitten Onion [Kindle Edition]

Kevin Kierstead

Digital List Price: £0.77 What's this?
Print List Price: £3.73
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Product Description

Product Description

When 100 senators play Red Rover... when dogs pee on moving joggers... when conspiracy theories arise over the Bush "Shoe Incident," and the Orkin man is stalked by a single, disgruntled termite, you have a truth in the purest form, which is false. In the format of the lying news company that produces The Onion, you have the only thing better; The Unbitten Onion.

What happens when a sous chef burst into flames? When a baseball umpire steals all the attention on the field? When dead people stop speaking at their own funerals? When coalition forces target all enemy statues?

Thirty-four articles that will make your stomach hurt, your cheeks burn, and your friends look at you with mercy, The Unbitten Onion is a book that you should only read with a phone nearby (with 911 on the speed-dial).

About the Author

http://www.amazon.com/Kevin-A.-Kierstead/e/B004LOZ1YG

Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 128 KB
  • Print Length: 114 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 146092455X
  • Publisher: Kevin A. Kierstead (11 Feb 2011)
  • Sold by: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Language English
  • ASIN: B004NIFCMQ
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
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More About the Author

Kevin A. Kierstead
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com:  2 reviews
1 of 3 people found the following review helpful
I'm Hereby Nominating Kevin Kierstead for Next Onion Reporter Vacancy... 19 May 2011
By Glenda A Bixler - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback
No, I had never heard of The Onion before reading The Unbitten Onion. For those of you who have, and enjoy reading it, I recommend you consider Kevin A. Kierstead's collection of 34 "news stories!"

Ranging in content from politics to life stories, Kierstead provides readers with his unique humorous thoughts on such matters as one bored cop who arrests himself to Ozzy claiming violins are gay...

Now according to the latest World News from the Onion:
Nation Down To Last Hundred Grown-Ups
'Mature Adults Could Be Gone Within 50 Years,' Experts Say
MAY 19, 2011 | ISSUE 47*20

I want to firmly state, without doubt, I am one of those mature adults! And I will be gone within 50 years...

Of course, I didn't have to take such a bold position regarding some of Kierstead's news:

I am not prejudiced and just don't care whether violins are gay or not...

Personally, I feel the bored cop performed his job responsibilities quite admirably.

On other stories, I will offer the following comments:

No, I didn't see the late Pope at Denny's, but I do go there for great breakfasts and know that any Pope would be pleased with his breakfast if he chose Denny's over some other restaurants which I will not name...

I applaud the dead person who refused to speak at her funeral. She was probably relieved to finally be away from a husband who would demand she do so.

For the worker who was 7 minutes late and threatened with police action--better start keeping a CYA file and be prepared for what some companies do to workers these days...

Gallagher's going after his audience with a Sledge-o-matic didn't surprise me--that man is crazy!

Pearl Harbor was an accident? - we should forgive and forget, now that we know the truth.

The 81 year old woman who agrees her place is in her home is undoubedly one of those immature individuals identified by the Onion who will live long and prosper...

Regarding the family whose monopoly game is still going after six years--May you all get "go to jail" cards and never be able to leave...

All political news provided, although potentially news worth, is being ignored on penalty of potential lawsuits and premature death (I need to live as many of those 50 years as is possible; the world needs me.)

Humor lovers-- this collection of news starts back in 2003. If you know there were things you missed during those years, you just might want to read The Unbitten Onion for Keirstead's take on many important topics from your past...

Frankly, his articles are so well written, I am amazed that he's not reporting live from The Onion--maybe a column, Kevin's Korner...

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GABixlerReviews
1 of 4 people found the following review helpful
Very comical and entertaining!! 7 May 2011
By mylulabug - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
This book is very entertaining to say the least. If you are familiar with The Onion you will understand where this book originated from. Lots of fake news articles that are down right hilarious! It has quite an array of short, comical stories that will have you laughing out loud. If you enjoy reading humor then this book is a great choice for you and lets face it, laughter is the best medicine:0) I also recommend The Lost Dialogues of Table 18 by this author!

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