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on 24 February 2015
This is a well-written self published book.Its an account of a quest,there are only a small number of basic stories people can tell to themselves and the world,the plots derive from the human psyche,Jung called the themes archetypes-the theme of the Quest is predictable it has a generic rhythm...
(1) Crisis,terrible ordeal hero encounters monstrous figure of evil.
(2) Overcoming the monster,overthrowing the darkness.
(3) Hero receives help succor & guidance is able to liberate the treasure.
(4) There is a renewal of life centred around a new more secure base.
At one point during the author's quest the psychopath conveniently informs the author that he is a monster and she is a total innocent.
At the end of the book the author brings in another story the Ugly Duckling-this has the rags to riches plot...humble heroine is transformed from an undeveloped state into splendour.The truths she learnt consisted of the following... you were not stupid you were innocent,its ok to feel insecure and vulnerable and facing the pain of being exploited by a psychopath sets you free.There is no exploration of the unconscious energies that brought the two of them together the experience is reduced to an airy fairy collision of the sacred with the profane type narrative. The tone of her writing is pleasant,gentle and quasi spiritual,I like new agey woo but this didn't really speak to me because there was no depth to it.
This author has invested in an entirely positive image of her parents-she writes [page 58]
"What I did not realize then was that the world is teeming with human predators...I was naive I was not aware of the complex nature of humanity I was missing important information because I was blessed to have loving parents who never lied to me and never abused me"
Really? they never lied to her and they never abused her, I sense denial in this statement because 'every' family,just like every individual,has a Shadow,a dark repressed side.I think perhaps the reality is she was in the habit of using adaptive betrayal blindness due to childhood betrayal....(Freyd, 2003)"The child may become blind to betrayals and fail to identify the experience as abusive. Such betrayal blindness or unawareness of abuse has adaptive value in that it maintains the attachment between child and caregiver such that the child can continue trusting and depending on the caregiver". Betrayal blindness is a state of mind in which you choose to keep a secret from your self. You lie to your self & turn a blind eye to questionable actions & behaviour. You don't allow yourself to look at what's actually happening. If a child uses this as a survival strategy in order to maintain an attachment relationship with a parent it is inevitable they will bring that learnt behaviour into their adult romantic attachments.
Romantic relationships are all about re-enacting childhood so if you get involved with someone and let them get close its for a reason,such relationships can help people heal their psychological wounds by way of raising their consciousness,but in order to take down a defence mechanism like denial a person first has to become aware that they are using it.
Perhaps at some deep and unspoken-of level, despite her horror of being in a relationship with the psychopath, she got some primal gratification, and somehow the psychopath picked up on it,sensing the needy little child in her that was on a healing mission-when someone really wants to heal something, the universe usually conspires to make it happen.The author acknowledges that this was a healing relationship of sorts & she uses the pseudonym Healing Journey.
The relationship with the psychopath was a traumatic experience that reconnected her with her inner guidance which increased her feelings of self love ,traumatic events often have the effect of putting people back in touch with the truth of who they are and no doubt some increase in self awareness has occurred but I don't really think it runs that deep because the writing is very much focused on a victim paradigm - its poetic and erudite but its also a little bit whiny and filled with victim thinking.
Although the author received a wake up call and altered her perceptions I didn't feel the real (more complex) lesson had been learned.Blame can be very therapeutic and appropriate but staying in the victim role for an overly prolonged period of time keeps the person in the role of child and in the childlike fantasy that the world is made up of monsters and angels.