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The Survivor's Guide to Sex: How to Have a Great Sex Life Even If You've Been Sexually Abused Paperback – 6 Nov 1999


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Product details

  • Paperback: 293 pages
  • Publisher: Cleis Press (6 Nov 1999)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1573440795
  • ISBN-13: 978-1573440790
  • Product Dimensions: 25.4 x 17.9 x 2.3 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 522,899 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Product Description

Synopsis

This text offers an affirming, sex-positive approach to recovery from incest and rape. Staci Haines encourages women to learn how to say "yes" to their own desires and on their own terms.

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67 of 69 people found the following review helpful By "xjpsych" on 18 July 2003
Format: Paperback
I went in to a bookstore with a simple request; "Do you have anything written by lesbians for lesbians, concerning how to have empowered sex after rape". No one seemed to be able to come up with any useful suggestions and I thought all hope was lost. Until, that is, I discovered this book. It is not specifically aimed at lesbians, or even women only. Everyone who wishes to be able to enjoy sex after the pain of abuse will find help here. It is also an essential aid for anyone who is having sex with someone who has been through the trauma of non-consensual abuse. It is informative, sensitive and very well written. Its chapters cover areas such as personal triggers, communication of fears, letting go of the physical trauma, and masturbation, right up to BDSM if that's your thing. It also includes a comprehensive resource section. Finally we have a guide in what can only be described as an isolated wilderness. When you think no one will ever be able to help and you are completely alone, Staci Haines has come through for all of us. If you have any issues around sex which stem from childhood abuse or adult rape, or if you are the partner of someone who has been through this, you may well find the help, support and advice that you are looking for here. Thank you Staci.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Charlotte on 28 Sep 2012
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
The survivors guide to sex is a really wonderful book whether you have been sexually abused or not. It helps you discover and understand you responses o sex and feelings of insecurity regarding sex.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)

Amazon.com: 29 reviews
70 of 70 people found the following review helpful
amazing, revelatory, empowering 2 Dec 2003
By A Customer - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback
as a survivor of rape and sexual abuse, i have read a bunch of books on the aftereffects of assault, being a survivor, et cetera, but most of the stuff out there is pretty dry and basic and i just didn't find it very helpful. this book is direct, incredibly right-on, it gives you hands on techniques for staying present in your body, it includes an amazing discussion of triggering. it also uses down to earth language and is not too self-help-y, and it acknowledges that certain terms might be alienating and medicalizing for some people.
FYI: although it is targetted at female survivors of child sexual abuse, i myself am not a woman, and the sexual assault/abuse i experienced occured during my teenage years, not my childhood. i still found the book very useful. there is also a great chapter aimed at partners of survivors.
64 of 66 people found the following review helpful
I've been waiting for someone to write a book like this 16 Mar 2001
By Terry Farrah - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback
For the past eight years, I have been slowly, painstakingly discovering for myself many of the techniques that Staci Haines details in this book. As far as I am aware, I am not a survivor of child sexual abuse, but I have many of the same difficulties - lack of trust, unclear boundaries, easily triggered, difficulty being sexually present.
I looked at books on recovery; they seemed only to tell me that it was OK to not have sex. I looked at TONS of books on sex and none addressed my difficulties - until The Survivor's Guide to Sex. I can say from my own experience that it's not easy to put Staci's suggestions into practice, nor do the rewards necessarily come quickly. But for some of us, this is the only way we're going to reclaim our sexuality.
I highly recommend this book if you feel numb, shut-down, or angry during sex, whether or not you are a "survivor". Chances are you have some deep healing work to do, and this book is the only guide I've seen for doing it.
35 of 36 people found the following review helpful
I have been waiting for this book for years!! 9 Dec 2001
By A Customer - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback
When I first found this book I was hoping it would be different, as a healing survior I have read alot of help books, and although comforting, they usually told me why I had the problems I did but didnt give me much advice on how to start living and having fun again in life, this book was amazing at that, it was what I had been looking to read since I started wanting to heal!! It would be a great book for anyone wanting good sexual information in a society that dosnt offer that much, I found it straight forward and honest and funny ..great book!! I loooved it!!:)
27 of 29 people found the following review helpful
A very important book for survivors 20 Jan 2005
By Deadwood - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
At some point in their healing, all survivors of childhood sexual abuse should read this book. It is straightforward and to the point, and this style helps the survivor feel that sexual feelings and actions are not something to be ashamed of. Many books for survivors tend to coddle the survivor because of the terrible ordeal she underwent, but this one presents a no-holds-barred discussion of sex and provides exercises to become more comfortable with sex. Very important book for the sexual healing process.
20 of 21 people found the following review helpful
This book will change your life. Read it! 15 Jun 1999
By clareandnestor@mindspring.com - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback
This is a truly extraordinary book. It picks up where other books leave off by helping survivors move beyond the abuse into a fully satisfying life -- a life that re-incorporates sex without the painful associations of the abuse.
This book really has it all. It addresses the systemic problems of sexual abuse and sexism in our society and focuses on the particular intersection of these two forces in our sex lives. Haines provides both the context for understanding why it is so difficult for survivors to have an empowered sex life, and the tools to help create that life. And all this in Haines' caring and empathetic voice.
This is also a very practical guidebook designed to help survivors in a real way. I particularly liked the exercises Haines has developed, as well as the quotes from survivors. No woman will feel alone in her experience after reading this book.
Haines is an extraordinary woman. All survivors are lucky she is there to help us. I definitely recommend you read this book. Right now.
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