The Selfish Society: How We All Forgot to Love One Another and Made Money Instead [Paperback]

This book is an analysis of how society has developed in the way it has done. The author argues - convincingly in my opinion - that if children are not brought up to understand the feelings and viewpoints of other people they will turn into adults who are only concerned for themselves. It is because generations of children have been brought up not to consider others and to always put themselves first that we have a society which is not interested in looking after the weakest and wants only individual satisfaction. I remember my own upbringing in the 1950s and 1960s where the worst sin I could commit was to be selfish and as a result I am prone to put others' needs before my own to my detriment at times.

Counter-intuitively, the author suggests that by not providing for all a growing infant's needs, and by not spending time interacting with their children parents are producing monsters. By having all its needs met a child learns to accept other people's feelings and needs. If a child is emotionally starved of attention in its formative years it will grow into a very needy adult who has no trust in its own needs being met.

I found the first few chapters a little heavy going - partly because I am not that interested in children. But the last half of the book is excellent. The author analyses politicians both in the UK and the US and shows how their known upbringing has influenced their political styles and policies. She shows that both in America under George W Bush and in Britain under Tony Blair, Government changed to the leader making decisions aided by his particular cronies. She quotes figures for the UK of how rarely the Cabinet meets now compared with previous Governments. There are also chapters analysing how feminism influenced society in the 1970s and 1980s and made it possible for married women with children to work outside the home. Though she suggests the effects on children may have been as mixed as they have been on their parents.

The author does not presume to judge the changes in society - merely analyses them and shows their effects. I found it quire refreshing to read an author who neither praises nor condemns feminism. She traces the effect consumerism and capitalism have had on society and how they have influenced us all to the extent that material wellbeing is the most important thing in life for many people. She suggests we get the Government which reflects the sort of people we are. If we are selfish - the politicians will be selfish. But there are signs that things are changing - the emphasis on charitable efforts, ethical purchasing and green living - suggest that people are starting to look further than their own immediate interests.

I do think there needs to be a balance between putting others first to the extent that none of your own needs are met and the author herself does touch on this where she is discussing working mothers and their own intellectual needs. It will take time for society to change but the author suggests that things are changing and it will be interesting to see what happens after the looming General Election (May 6th 2010) in the UK and whether we get a Government with a different philosophy.

The book is well worth reading for the connections it makes between the upbringing of children and the future of society. It is well written in an easy accessible style with plenty of references in the notes to each chapter to follow up if you want further information, though there is no separate bibliography. There is also a comprehensive index.

I looked at the news today. Why do our politicians behave like overexcited schoolchildren during debates or baby-kissing automatons when on the election stump? How can bankers become so divorced from the rest of us that they still claim huge bonuses after the taxpayer has bailed them out? Despite the ever increasing funds poured into social welfare, why do we still talk about "Broken Britain" and lament the seemingly intractable social problems reported every day? Why do some disputes like the Palestine/Israel problem stubbornly resist international diplomatic efforts? It's clear that politicians of every hue don't have the answer; however, in my opinion, this book does give an important insight on this wide range of problems.

The old Jesuit saying is "Give me the child for the first seven years, and I'll give you the man" - the thesis of Sue Gerhardt's accomplished book goes one better, "Give me the infant for two years and I'll show you the man"! Drawing on her own experience as a psychotherapist (particularly in the setting of the Oxford Parent Infant Project that she co-founded), as well as cutting-edge neurological and psychological research, she builds a convincing case for how essential it is to meet the emotional and developmental needs of babies during the first two years of their life. In a clear and comprehensive manner that's accessible to all, she shows how even the very structure of the brain is modified during this phase of life depending on the infant's environment, in particular the behaviour, responsiveness and availability of its primary care giver (usually the mother). She goes on to show how these changes affect the way a child goes on to see and experience the world and other people, and the terrible price paid by the individual and society in general for inadequate parenting. Her argument is then expanded to show how many of the `progressive' social changes of the recent decades (parents returning to work soon after their child's birth, the greater proportion of families where both parents have full-time jobs, the promotion of nurseries as a substitute for a parent's care, etc.) have had an increasingly negative impact on the emotional development of infants, which has contributed to (some might even say `explains') the issues outlined above - hence the book's title.

Sometimes this book makes for uncomfortable reading, because it asks of all of us what type of society we want - an increasingly individualistic one (remember Mrs Thatcher's "There's no such thing as society") or one established on emotional maturity based on real respect for the individual as shown by meeting their needs during the first two years of life. It looks at the inadequacies of parenting in all strata of society - not just `problem families'. It calls for a radical rethink of policies favoured by all political parties for supporting families - not just the provision of more nurseries, where parents can farm out their babies whilst they get on with their careers.

The issues raised in this book and their implications for society are so great that it is almost impossible to overestimate the importance of this book. I expect many will criticise it because it has a powerful message that many of us do not wish to hear and the solutions proposed involve us all in rethinking how we want our society to move forward and being prepared to make the changes. As we reach the limits of materialism in the West, where the main measure of national success is increasing GDP, this is a timely book that holds up a mirror to our behaviour and dares to suggest that there is another way.

Another insightful read from Sue Gerhardt. Yet again she draws attention to how our negative parenting, family breakdown and self centred lifestyle choices are having deleterious consequences for our children and the future of our planet. Please read and pass on to all you know, the world could benfit from the philosophy contained within.