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Product Description
Product Description
The notorious dating handbook bought by millions of women is women's answer to THE GAME. Refreshingly blunt, astonishingly effective, and at times hilarious, THE RULES will show women who is a keeper and how to get 'a ring on it', if that is what they want.
The Rules is infamous for telling women how to play hard-to-get: it has garnered more press attention than any relationship book. Should you really turn down any weekend date if he doesn't ask you before Wednesday? According to the Rules authors, Yes! By following THE RULES, the authors claim that you start treating yourself with respect and dignity – and demanding that men do likewise.
Love may be blind, but Rules girls are not stupid! How does he act in the relationship? Is he cheap on dates? Is he critical of you? Remember, the Rules are not about marrying the first man you are attracted to who calls you by Wednesday for Saturday night and buys you flowers. It's about marrying your own personal Mr. Right – a man whom you love and whose character you admire and can live with.
About the Author
Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider have helped countless unmarried women find marital bliss. Ellen is studing for her Masters in social work and Sherrie is a freelance journalist. They have become chat show regulars and household names in the USA.
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First Sentence
No one seems to remember exactly how The Rules got started, but we think they began circa 1917 with Melanie's grandmother who made men wait nervously in her parent's parlor in a small suburb of Michigan. Read the first page
Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Back Cover
No one seems to remember exactly how The Rules got started, but we think they began circa 1917 with Melanie's grandmother who made men wait nervously in her parent's parlor in a small suburb of Michigan. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
48 of 53 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I tried the rules out myself, kept phone calls short, played hard to get, it was fun and I enjoyed the game. Then I met someone whom I've since come to see in hindsight genuinely cared for me. I found the rules hard to keep because I just wanted to spend time with him and open up to him, but I'd been hurt before so I decided to keep using them to protect myself. But...
...he found the book in my room, read through it while I was out, and saw that some things which we had argued about in the past (e.g. why I rarely phoned him, why I was so "busy") and had caused some friction in our relationship were a result of the rules, which I hadn't told him about. He told me he couldn't trust my word or respect me any more for treating him like the subject of an experiment, and left - I haven't been able to contact him since.
It started out like a game and made me feel desired and in control for a while but it has left me in a bad place emotionally, I feel like I've blown perhaps what could have worked and lost a degree of my own self-respect too. I regret BIG TIME ever picking up this silly, destructive book and applying it to my life.
The rules won't win the love of any man worth winning, just men who are desperate, dull and predictable in their behaviour. The best advice to women in this book is "be an uncommon creature" - but I've come to realise that such a woman would use her own wisdom and character, not a list of shallow rules about how to live her life.
I've learnt a lot from this book, but not what I was expecting to - above all, that games can end up hurting everyone involved. You're better off reading a book that helps you communicate with and understand your partner better rather than one that teaches you how to play cheap psychological tricks on them.
23 of 26 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
I believe this book comes from a good place in its intention to empower women, and indeed the advice may work, but not as claimed. As a professional dating coach for GetTheGuy.co.uk in London many women quote me `The Rules'. It appears to be game playing at its extreme, telling women to maintain a facade of being busy, interesting and mysterious. Why the authors have such low expectations of their readers that they assume they have to fake these things is slightly bemusing. Basically it is about appearing `Hard to Get'. Of course there's nothing wrong with being a little bit unavailable, so the author's advice - don't talk to a man first, end calls first, never accept last minute dates etc. - is by no means unfounded, but contains some fatal flaws:
1. For every girl playing games there's a guy:
Like attracts like. Such tactics are likely to land you someone who employs similar tactics. You could turn those straight up guys you desire into a game players themselves if they feel the need to resort to such tactics to compete. Guys are much quicker to recognise game playing than you think. Who wins?
2. Is this a sustainable set of tools for getting the guy?
This is a quick fix mentality which says - keep pretending long enough and he'll ask you to marry him (Yes, the authors also stereotype every woman on the planet as marriage hungry). When you stop playing hard to get, will he be left wondering whether the REAL you is enough. Playing hard to get requires no charisma or personality; it takes courage to be yourself. This book is only quick fixes, illustrated by: "If you have a bad nose, GET A NOSE JOB."
3. Would you be attracted to a guy if you knew he was manipulating you?
If the answer is no, then DONT DO IT. If you want great relationships, don't be a hypocrite.
4. Apparently shy guys don't exist, and never have
Their message is: "If a man doesn't walk across the room to seek you out...then he's obviously not interested". Having coached men as well as women I know that a guy may think your a goddess, but that doesn't mean he'll have the confidence to approach you.
5. "You have to wait for someone to notice you"
Is this really the face of empowerment for women? Women deserve better, especially from their own. They say women who are forward "always end up heart broken when their forwardness is rebuffed". What are the chances of every guy you are interested in making the move you want? We teach not how to avoid rejection, but how to make things happen in spite of rejection. Would you rather be alone with no rejections, or with the man of your choice with a few healthy rejections under your belt?
Conclusion
If you want some light entertainment, or you just plain dislike the very men you are trying to be with, read this book. If you want genuinely practical and proven advice about being more attractive to men, steer clear.
The book states that "It's better to stay at home and read The Rules than go out and break them". I put to you that it is better to go out and meet new and interesting people than to sit at home and read a book telling you to wait to be noticed.
1. For every girl playing games there's a guy:
Like attracts like. Such tactics are likely to land you someone who employs similar tactics. You could turn those straight up guys you desire into a game players themselves if they feel the need to resort to such tactics to compete. Guys are much quicker to recognise game playing than you think. Who wins?
2. Is this a sustainable set of tools for getting the guy?
This is a quick fix mentality which says - keep pretending long enough and he'll ask you to marry him (Yes, the authors also stereotype every woman on the planet as marriage hungry). When you stop playing hard to get, will he be left wondering whether the REAL you is enough. Playing hard to get requires no charisma or personality; it takes courage to be yourself. This book is only quick fixes, illustrated by: "If you have a bad nose, GET A NOSE JOB."
3. Would you be attracted to a guy if you knew he was manipulating you?
If the answer is no, then DONT DO IT. If you want great relationships, don't be a hypocrite.
4. Apparently shy guys don't exist, and never have
Their message is: "If a man doesn't walk across the room to seek you out...then he's obviously not interested". Having coached men as well as women I know that a guy may think your a goddess, but that doesn't mean he'll have the confidence to approach you.
5. "You have to wait for someone to notice you"
Is this really the face of empowerment for women? Women deserve better, especially from their own. They say women who are forward "always end up heart broken when their forwardness is rebuffed". What are the chances of every guy you are interested in making the move you want? We teach not how to avoid rejection, but how to make things happen in spite of rejection. Would you rather be alone with no rejections, or with the man of your choice with a few healthy rejections under your belt?
Conclusion
If you want some light entertainment, or you just plain dislike the very men you are trying to be with, read this book. If you want genuinely practical and proven advice about being more attractive to men, steer clear.
The book states that "It's better to stay at home and read The Rules than go out and break them". I put to you that it is better to go out and meet new and interesting people than to sit at home and read a book telling you to wait to be noticed.
28 of 32 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
As Valentine's Day is in the horizon I decided to check out this little number to catch a few tricks of the trade. There are a few unsavouy tricks alright and not many treats to enhance the relationship of romancing.
It is one of the most notorious, and controversial, dating books ever published. Readers might remember an experimental programme Channel 4 produced to test the theories of five major bestselling books of which ‘The Rules’, as one, was aired a couple of years ago. It focused on five bright and beautiful career women from London, I think, in dire need of a partner. Each undertook the ethos of this book to the extreme, under the manipulative critique of the two ‘Dynasty/Dallas-cloned’ authors with big hair and small minds. For the viewer it was brilliant and bewildering to watch, a little ‘Doris-Day-meets-Cruella-De-Ville’ (or should that be Glenn Close in ‘Fatal Attraction’?) and had every feminist in the country up in arms, legs and fists. (The end result; all five femme fatales still single. Worked wonderfully, don't you think?)
That aside, the book provides advice on how to behave, speak and act in order to get your man (any man will suffice) to propose. It further demands, (not suggests), that ‘he’ does all the chasing in the relationship, pays for ‘all’ the dates (as if) and that the little lady ends phone conversations before him (some chance), and never has sex on the first, second or third date (no problem, Father). This, apparently, will leave Mr Right begging for more and pave the way to securing his heart forever with a possible marriage. Are we that desperate? I don't think so.
Some women have described following ‘The Rules’ as a godsend; others that it has been destructive and degrading, with cheap psychological tricks treating their subjects like an experiment. It is based on a very cynical attitude towards dating as a precursor to ‘closing the deal’, i.e: getting that ring on your finger.
The best advice to women in this book is to ‘be an uncommon creature’, but women use their own wisdom and character to be unique, and do not need a list of shallow rules instructing how to live their life. Natural individuality shines through by itself and with the choice and courage of your own convictions; anything can be conquered and accomplished. (I’m on a roll here).
If you do decide to follow ‘The Rules’ use your own discretion, respect yourself and make it work for you. It is not the bible it brags to be to bag that man. If you follow its advice it promises that you will be the most desirable woman on the planet and he will treat you like a princess. You don’t really need this book to tell you that and how to become Queen Me. You are perfect as you are. Just be yourself and trust your own instincts, and the rest will follow. Let your heart rule your head and vice-versa, not this bin-bag of a book. In your hunt for red-blooded male have some flirty, healthy and honest fun and good luck!
It is one of the most notorious, and controversial, dating books ever published. Readers might remember an experimental programme Channel 4 produced to test the theories of five major bestselling books of which ‘The Rules’, as one, was aired a couple of years ago. It focused on five bright and beautiful career women from London, I think, in dire need of a partner. Each undertook the ethos of this book to the extreme, under the manipulative critique of the two ‘Dynasty/Dallas-cloned’ authors with big hair and small minds. For the viewer it was brilliant and bewildering to watch, a little ‘Doris-Day-meets-Cruella-De-Ville’ (or should that be Glenn Close in ‘Fatal Attraction’?) and had every feminist in the country up in arms, legs and fists. (The end result; all five femme fatales still single. Worked wonderfully, don't you think?)
That aside, the book provides advice on how to behave, speak and act in order to get your man (any man will suffice) to propose. It further demands, (not suggests), that ‘he’ does all the chasing in the relationship, pays for ‘all’ the dates (as if) and that the little lady ends phone conversations before him (some chance), and never has sex on the first, second or third date (no problem, Father). This, apparently, will leave Mr Right begging for more and pave the way to securing his heart forever with a possible marriage. Are we that desperate? I don't think so.
Some women have described following ‘The Rules’ as a godsend; others that it has been destructive and degrading, with cheap psychological tricks treating their subjects like an experiment. It is based on a very cynical attitude towards dating as a precursor to ‘closing the deal’, i.e: getting that ring on your finger.
The best advice to women in this book is to ‘be an uncommon creature’, but women use their own wisdom and character to be unique, and do not need a list of shallow rules instructing how to live their life. Natural individuality shines through by itself and with the choice and courage of your own convictions; anything can be conquered and accomplished. (I’m on a roll here).
If you do decide to follow ‘The Rules’ use your own discretion, respect yourself and make it work for you. It is not the bible it brags to be to bag that man. If you follow its advice it promises that you will be the most desirable woman on the planet and he will treat you like a princess. You don’t really need this book to tell you that and how to become Queen Me. You are perfect as you are. Just be yourself and trust your own instincts, and the rest will follow. Let your heart rule your head and vice-versa, not this bin-bag of a book. In your hunt for red-blooded male have some flirty, healthy and honest fun and good luck!
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
wtf!!!
I did not actually order or read this book. I got an email out of the blue saying that I had ordered and paid for it though and that it had been downloaded to my kindle. Read more
Published 22 days ago by highly disgruntled
Maximum Appreciation
It is a pity that there are only 5 stars to award the maximum appreciation for this book. There are a number of achievements that deserve, alone, five stars. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Maddox Joseph
Not to be taken quite so literally
What many people don't realise is that marriage is a two way process and if marriage is your ultimate aim then it's important to be yourself and not to be dishonest with the man in... Read more
Published 1 month ago by Louise M
The Rules: How to Capture the Heart of Mr Right
It was recommended to me by a friend i thought it was great and bought it for another friend. Everything is so true, it's what we females do and you really need willpower to stick... Read more
Published 10 months ago by Mem
girl power!
every straight female on the planet should read this book!!
It makes so much sense! and keeps you sane during the process of finding a long term fella!!
It makes so much sense! and keeps you sane during the process of finding a long term fella!!
Published 21 months ago by kaz taz
The Rules
The Rules: Time Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr.Right
This could make or break your relationship! Either way it does exactly what it says on the front cover! Read more
This could make or break your relationship! Either way it does exactly what it says on the front cover! Read more
Published on 29 Jun 2009 by Leila-Lils
Not a good direction to go in...
Not a good direction to go in...
The Rules is a short, trite book written for women on how to find and capture a man's heart, or, should I say, trap a man into marriage? Read more
The Rules is a short, trite book written for women on how to find and capture a man's heart, or, should I say, trap a man into marriage? Read more
Published on 27 Aug 2008 by C. Clayton
Excellent Stuff
This book really doesn't deserve the criticism it has attracted. The main problem I think is that people read it and then try to do the Rules verbatim and thats difficult because... Read more
Published on 16 Dec 2002
A book that finally empowers women
I read this book a few years ago, and not only has my self esteem increased but my ability to attract the right sort of men, and weed out the losers is 100 times better. Read more
Published on 20 Aug 2001
just read it
I found this book very useful and not just in my relationships with men - its helped me to get on better with friends and relatives. Read more
Published on 19 Aug 2001
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