- Hardcover: 288 pages
- Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing PLC (19 Aug 1999)
- Language English
- ISBN-10: 0747544360
- ISBN-13: 978-0747544364
- Product Dimensions: 23.6 x 15.8 x 3.8 cm
- Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (1 customer review)
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 1,180,298 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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More About the Author
Product Description
Amazon.co.uk Review
"My primary reason for writing this book", explains Victoria Griffin at the beginning of her fascinating study of The Mistress, "is self- examination". Writing as a "mistress", Griffin is keen to focus on the personal, cultural, and historical dimensions of her role: "as long as there is Marriage", she concludes, "there will also be the Mistress". Conjuring up the quasi-mythical dimensions of an arrangement between men and women which, in one form or another, has existed for centuries, Griffin tracks her subject back through the figures of Hera (the wife) and the followers of Aphrodite (the women claimed by love and passion) in order to reconsider the changing role of the mistress in late 20th-century culture. Drawing on the lives of a number of creative, often unconventional, women--amongst others, George Eliot, Rebecca West, Jean Rhys--Griffin complicates the emotional scripts allotted to those who play out the drama of a ménage à trois. As such, she offers a cogent challenge to the conventional image of the mistress as a wife-in-waiting, a woman hoping to displace her lover's family in the name of her own. Passion, and relationships, are more complex than that for this book which explores the act of being a mistress in terms of a different way of living: a refusal, or inability, to conform to social demands, certainly, but also a commitment to a love that resists possession. --Vicky Lebeau
Product Description
Griffin asks why our society still treats marital infidelity as an unfathomable aberration, studying various arenas including the political mistress, the writer's mistress and the artist's mistress. She examines how the roles of wife and mistress come about, how each may threaten the other, or how they may co-exist.
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
'The Mistress' begins with an honest and transparent confession by the author as to her motivations and inspirations for writing the book. In doing so, Ms. Griffin establishes her credibility as an informed, experienced practitioner of what she preaches. While such a confession may offend readers who are already pre-disposed against her subject and stance, it certainly acquits her of bias by stealth or deceit.
Before leading the reader through interesting and varied historical case studies, Ms. Griffin provides a fascinating and well-documented account of sexual politics and the "woman as temptress" theme so prevalent through mythological and factual history. This is, in my opinion, the most interesting part of the book. While the individual case studies that followed lend evidence (or at least non-imaginary examples) to her theories, it was the general that most interested me.
Towards the end of 'The Mistress' I felt my interest, or at least my admiration, wane a little. 'A Conversation' will confuse those not already familiar with the stories and the characters to which it refers and I felt the same material could have been covered by Ms. Griffin in a more accessible and coherent way, especially given her obvious and pre-demonstrated ability in formal argument.
Likewise, 'A Balancing Act', the final chapter, is presented in a type of notebook style. While I appreciate Ms. Griffin's admitted desire to avoid reaching or asserting any 'conclusions' in such an indefinite subject, I once again felt she could have presented her thoughts in a more disciplined way. Given the immense thought and research the 'The Mistress' apparently required, it seems a shame to leave an unrepresentative impression of her writing skills in the reader's mind.
Notwithstanding these relatively minor criticisms of style, I found 'The Mistress' to be informative, impassioned and intelligent. I recommend it to anyone with an enquiring and open mind.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com:
7 reviews
12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
Learning from history
3 Jan 2003
Format:Hardcover
At first glance, this book looks more like a history textbook, and if someone were looking for a book to help them get over the pain of an affair, they may feel disappointed. BUT, if you read this book with an open mind, no matter what side of the love triangle you're standing on, you have the opportunity to learn about yourself, your side, and what lies behind all of your motivations and experiences. It is more geared toward the other woman than the wife, but I suggest that the wife read this book in order to understand her own power in the triangle by viewing the side of the other woman.
I picked up this book after ending my second affair with hopes that it would somehow help me to heal from the pain. Although the book did not end up being a "how-to-get-over-it" book, I can honestly say that it was better than any other book that I have read on this subject. It has been my experience that in order to heal and move on from painful experiences, we must first realize the truth behind the actions and this book articulates these truths through narrating the stories of "the other woman" throughtout history.
This book has given me more to work with in my path to healing and understanding. My relationships with my ex-married men are now blame-free and drama-free because I now understand the dynamics of these types of relationships better. If you are thinking about getting into an extra-marital affair, it would do you some good to read this book in order to get a full understanding of what you are actually signing up for. It does a good job of being non-judgemental towards everyone in the triangle, and I believe that all sides should be understood fully.
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
Would make a great textbook
10 Aug 2000
Format:Hardcover
This book starts out wonderfully, with autobiographical insight and a smattering of literary references that bring the concept of 'mistress' from the dim past to the present day. It even changed my views about 'polyamory' just a bit. If I would not choose such a lifestyle for myself, I can now at least see the attraction. And I've realized that my role in my monogamous relationship is far more that of 'mistress' rather than that of 'wife'. I agree with the writer that it is far more satisfying to have someone come home to you because he/she wants to be with you than because he/she is legally bound to do so. Where this bogs down is in the literary criticism (about the last half of the book). While I've read most of the works she cites and analyzes, I haven't read them recently enough to appreciate the depth of her scholarly endeavors, and I didn't feel like dropping _The Mistress_ to go re-read them. I'd love to see a literature class in which this book was taught along with the works Griffin critiques.
21 of 25 people found the following review helpful
A great chance for self knowledge
5 Dec 1999
Format:Hardcover
This book is a great reason for deeper search inside our selves . How can anybody make comments ,accept or even reward something that nobody would wish to happen to his/her own self by his/her life companion ? The subject by itself demands abnegation even for starting to deal with it . As a man I should normaly hide behind the fact that the book is written by a woman and it is talking about the "womans side ". But I know very well that it could be written by a man as well without the need to change almost nothing . (btw , who would dare to name the same book written by a mans hand as "Master" ?
Truth is Pain. Confession demands Abnegation . Reality demands Courage to be described as it is . People dont like truth to be said . They prefer black holes to exist inside them instead of touching their own wounds . Their "settled" way of life and their "civilized" society prefer to call "abnormal" or "illegal" anything goes "out of line". Its easier and more digestable to reject and judge than to project to their own selves anything wich would possibly make them discover their own hidden desires,the sins they dont dare to do ,their own dark side of the moon.
Keeping distance means safety .
Victoria Griffin s "Mistress" is not written for those who chose to be "safe" in their life.
Very good Victoria ! Thank you for giving us the chance to swim deeper in our souls .
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