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The Matewix [Hardcover]

Charlie Hamilton James (Author)
3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)

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Book Description

Publication Date: 20 Oct 2003

Utterly unauthorised, utterly silly spoof of The Matrix trilogy.

The Matewix is a hilarious adventure starring the ineffectual computer geek Newo.

This book has none of the action of the film, or more specifically it’s a story of a nerd who couldn’t get any action. Our hero has a rather bad speech impediment, which gets him into all sorts of twuble in a world that’s not quite what it seems…

‘If you take the Red pill, Newo, there is no going back. You will leave the Matewix and enter a world more real to you than you can possibly imagine. But Newo; if you take the Blue pill you will sustain an erection for up to twelve years…You must decide Newo.’

Newo stared long and hard at the pills. Then reached out his hand, ‘I’ll take them both’, he said and eagerly gobbled them down whole.

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Product details

  • Hardcover: 282 pages
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Entertainment; Third Impression edition (20 Oct 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0007176902
  • ISBN-13: 978-0007176908
  • Product Dimensions: 12.6 x 2.4 x 16.6 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 693,114 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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More About the Author

› Visit Amazon's Charlie Hamilton James Page
Charlie Hamilton James
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Product Description

About the Author

Charlie Hamilton James, the son of a sperm donor and a prolific dinner lady,
was raised by caterpillars in the Engadine region of Switzerland in the
latter part of the eighteenth century. His first book Kingfishers won
critical acclaim as possibly the best and only coffee table Kingfisher book
available for under a tenner. As well as writing he also enjoys, Netball,
extreme cross-stitch and heroin; he was also the first man to swim with wild
mackerel. He currently lives on boat in the Aegean sea with a haddock called
Martin. The Matewix is his second book and possibly his worst.

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars the funniest book i have ever read 13 Aug 2005
By Mrs. J. Pitcher
Format:Hardcover
I have read quite a few spoof books, such as barry trotter and star bores, however nothing comes close to the side-splittingly funny The Matewix, starring a computer geek called Newo, who has a wather bad speech impediment. newo is found by a very odd man called Amorphous and his friend Titty, and Newo is taken out of the Matewix into the real world. they then set off to find the Cheese Maker, who is the only one who knows how to destroy the Matewix.
The matewix covers the first two films, and there are moments of pure genius. little things, such as amorphous' bizarre crush on Newo, the blue pill (giving Newo a twelve-year erection) combined with a Laura Ashley dress, the Smiff Clones and the Cheese Maker's scary way of making cheese are just a few things that had me crying with tears of laughter. I especially found funny the bit when Amorphous is sent back into the matewix as Laberta Butternut-Squash, and Titty and Newo try to rescue him.
WARNING: the book does have a few sexual references (such as the twelve-year erection) and constant swearing (usually by Nairobi), so it is not intended for young children.
however, if you like spoof books and have a good sense of humour, then buy it. it's bwilliant.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars TOILET HUMOUR AT ITS BEST 30 Nov 2003
By Bruce
Format:Hardcover
Inless you have no sense of humour atall I cant see how you cant find this book amusing.......Time to get back to the world of the real and have a laugh!!!
Funniest book I,ve read in a long time and would make an even better film than the original. Reminds me of the early days of Monty Python!!!!
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9 of 10 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars But you already know 30 Nov 2003
By Tina Price
Format:Hardcover
I loved the Matewix. I thought it was c**p at first but when you peel back the layers of chaff there's a bloody funny book. Buy it, stick with at and get a dictionary for the end bit - it's hilarious!
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
3.0 out of 5 stars Moments to true brilliance
The Matewix, is a must read for any Matrix fans, while also being a good read of any non-Matrix fans, (like myself). Read more
Published on 10 Sep 2005 by venom_v1
2.0 out of 5 stars Showed so much promise
I picked this book up and at first, couldn;t put it down as it was quite humourous, but as i got on the same old schoolboy jokes just wore thin. Read more
Published on 8 Mar 2005 by E. R. Evans
1.0 out of 5 stars Third Rate.
Suitable reading for any aspiring author worried if he will ever find a publisher. Even this tasteless,third rate parody with its back of the school bus humour, found one. Read more
Published on 16 April 2004
5.0 out of 5 stars Bwoody Hilawious!
Theres a lot of people out there who will hate hearing The Matrix having the piss taken out of it, for those who don't, this is the book for you! Read more
Published on 10 Feb 2004 by Nutter 101
5.0 out of 5 stars Wevolutionawy
If you don't mind seeing the Matrix beuing turned completely on its head and see its own mythology used against it, this is the book for you. Read more
Published on 18 Dec 2003 by Hedgewitch King
5.0 out of 5 stars .
I enjoyed this very much, as it says on the cover 'utterly silly', so if you take your comedy too seriously(!) then this book isn't for you. Read more
Published on 30 Nov 2003 by Bisley
1.0 out of 5 stars The Matewix
Hi, I bought this book today- and it's sh*t. To be perfectly honest, just about good enough to make the book version of the sequel. Read more
Published on 22 Nov 2003 by Dan
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