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The Matewix [Hardcover]

Charlie Hamilton James
3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)

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Book Description

20 Oct 2003

Utterly unauthorised, utterly silly spoof of The Matrix trilogy.

The Matewix is a hilarious adventure starring the ineffectual computer geek Newo.

This book has none of the action of the film, or more specifically it’s a story of a nerd who couldn’t get any action. Our hero has a rather bad speech impediment, which gets him into all sorts of twuble in a world that’s not quite what it seems…

‘If you take the Red pill, Newo, there is no going back. You will leave the Matewix and enter a world more real to you than you can possibly imagine. But Newo; if you take the Blue pill you will sustain an erection for up to twelve years…You must decide Newo.’

Newo stared long and hard at the pills. Then reached out his hand, ‘I’ll take them both’, he said and eagerly gobbled them down whole.

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Product details

  • Hardcover: 282 pages
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Entertainment (20 Oct 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0007176902
  • ISBN-13: 978-0007176908
  • Product Dimensions: 16 x 11.8 x 2.4 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 1,211,940 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

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Product Description

About the Author

Charlie Hamilton James, the son of a sperm donor and a prolific dinner lady,
was raised by caterpillars in the Engadine region of Switzerland in the
latter part of the eighteenth century. His first book Kingfishers won
critical acclaim as possibly the best and only coffee table Kingfisher book
available for under a tenner. As well as writing he also enjoys, Netball,
extreme cross-stitch and heroin; he was also the first man to swim with wild
mackerel. He currently lives on boat in the Aegean sea with a haddock called
Martin. The Matewix is his second book and possibly his worst.

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars the funniest book i have ever read 13 Aug 2005
I have read quite a few spoof books, such as barry trotter and star bores, however nothing comes close to the side-splittingly funny The Matewix, starring a computer geek called Newo, who has a wather bad speech impediment. newo is found by a very odd man called Amorphous and his friend Titty, and Newo is taken out of the Matewix into the real world. they then set off to find the Cheese Maker, who is the only one who knows how to destroy the Matewix.
The matewix covers the first two films, and there are moments of pure genius. little things, such as amorphous' bizarre crush on Newo, the blue pill (giving Newo a twelve-year erection) combined with a Laura Ashley dress, the Smiff Clones and the Cheese Maker's scary way of making cheese are just a few things that had me crying with tears of laughter. I especially found funny the bit when Amorphous is sent back into the matewix as Laberta Butternut-Squash, and Titty and Newo try to rescue him.
WARNING: the book does have a few sexual references (such as the twelve-year erection) and constant swearing (usually by Nairobi), so it is not intended for young children.
however, if you like spoof books and have a good sense of humour, then buy it. it's bwilliant.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars TOILET HUMOUR AT ITS BEST 30 Nov 2003
By Bruce
Inless you have no sense of humour atall I cant see how you cant find this book amusing.......Time to get back to the world of the real and have a laugh!!!
Funniest book I,ve read in a long time and would make an even better film than the original. Reminds me of the early days of Monty Python!!!!
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9 of 10 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars But you already know 30 Nov 2003
I loved the Matewix. I thought it was c**p at first but when you peel back the layers of chaff there's a bloody funny book. Buy it, stick with at and get a dictionary for the end bit - it's hilarious!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars . 30 Nov 2003
By Bisley
I enjoyed this very much, as it says on the cover 'utterly silly', so if you take your comedy too seriously(!) then this book isn't for you. However lovers of Monty Python and others of this genre will find much to like here and in the light of the steaming pile that is the third film (Revolutions) , I think this would have made a much better sequal...
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Showed so much promise 8 Mar 2005
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
I picked this book up and at first, couldn;t put it down as it was quite humourous, but as i got on the same old schoolboy jokes just wore thin. Let me warn you don't buy this book for your kids as the text in parts is quite adult in nature.
If the book stuck to the original tone at the start then I feel it would have been much funnier.
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