The Long Ships [1964] [VHS]

A real comic book of a movie with a bizarre cast, nonsensical script, shaky special effects, repetitive music yet a striking visual style with occasionally impressive direction. The Long Ships is one of those films that is so awful that it becomes enjoyable - a real Saturday afternoon popcorn flick that would make a great double bill with that other misguided epic - Taras Bulba.

I'm always amazed that Hollywood has not made more films about the Vikings, especially after the success of Kirk Douglas's film in the late 50s. The Long Ships seems a poor relation in comparison - I'm sure the ships were the ones left over from The Vikings. The director of The Long Ships - Jack Cardiff - was director of photography on The Vikings. But there the similarity between the two films ends.

The heroes of this soggy saga are two all-American Norsemen - Richard Widmark and Russ Tamblyn (the only ones without beards) who lead a motley crew of English, Irish and Scottish Vikings whose thane is an Austrian (the always watchable Oscar Homolka). The bad guys, by an incredible plot device, are the Moors in North Africa led by an unsmiling and uncomfortable Sidney Poitier. At least the rest of the cast know that the film is tongue in cheek (just listen to the dialogue) but Poitier is so gravely serious that you suspect he is auditioning for Othello. The wonderful British character actor Lionel Jeffries is blacked up as a comic mute eunuch in a strangely perverse piece of casting. The female members of the cast were obviously selected for their physical charms rather than any acting ability - and what a great pity it is that Rosanna Schiaffino ever changed out of her initial costume.

The plot revolves around the search for a huge bell made of solid gold - "as tall as three tall men". There is plenty of action along the way. A battle on a beach is particularly well staged - the sight of the Moorish cavalry in the distance is reminiscent of Omar Sharif's entrance in Lawrence of Arabia. But there are also too many shots of model ships in a very obvious studio tank. Much of the film was shot in Yugoslavia with Croatia's famous Lim Fjord standing in for Scandinavia. The contrast between the grainy Nordic scenes and the brightly lit Moorish ones is a nice touch and, hopefully, intentional. Much of the film is a cheerful mixture of disparate elements, recklessly blending action, gore and comedy. The one thing everybody remembers is the Mare of Steel whose effects are discreetly and, some would say, disappointingly edited.

In the end, it is hard to dislike The Long Ships even if it is a bargain basement variation on a better Viking film. But at least it has more humour than Kirk Douglas's movie. Richard Widmark gets the best line after the mighty golden bell goes crashing down a cliff to the sea. But you still wonder what the casting people were thinking about.

The cheaper cousin to the Vikings with Richard Widmark looking a tad uncomfortable in his viking garb. But it is highly enjoyable ramp with both the main leads acting for all there worth, there are some great set pieces the leap from the window and the beach battle scene but a little closer look will reveal some truly funny edits for example vikings throwing axes and horses falling down a long way off. It may not be accurate but at least it shows one reality the vikings did indeed make contact with the muslim world, a great film just to watch and enjoy and wonder how on earth it was made in the first place, the one shining star though is the music enjoy.

Lets not be too critical of a film that does not take itself too seriously. Although it plays fast and loose with Frans Bengtssons book of the same name, it is still a ripping good yarn. Only a handful of films have been made about the Vikings, which is strange given their exciting history. They fought and lived in lands as far away as Greenland, where they obtained the fabled unicorns antler which in fact came from the rare Narwhal whale, to Constantinople which they knew as Miklagard, where they provided the Byzantine Emperors personal Varangian guard. It is a flavour of this roving adventurous spirit that we are given in this film.

The film is bound to be compared with "The Vikings"(58) whose success it no doubt tried to emulate. The cinematographer for that film the legendary Jack Cardiff took on the directorial duties for "The Long Ships". The story concerns the epic voyage of Rolfe, played by Richard Widmark, and his crew of Norsemen in search of a fabled giant bell called "The mother of Voices". The bell being made of solid gold. Perhaps not so preposterous as it sounds. The Vikings were noted for their epic voyages to strange and distant lands and certainly had a thirst for gold, their hoards still turning up with regularity around Europe. The adventurers encounter many dangers and are shipwrecked on North African shores where they fall into the hands of the bloodthirsty Aly Mansuh played by a very dashing Sidney Poitier. After facing "The Mare of steel", a fiendish Moorish form of execution they are enlisted by Mansuh to find the bell. After further wanderings the bell is located at "The Pillar of Hercules", the ancient Greek name for Gibraltar. A battle ensues in which the Vikings are victorious over the Moors and Aly Mansuh dies crushed by the bell. A rather flat ending for him!! The film concludes with Rolfe telling an attentive King Harold about the legendary 3 Crowns of the Saxon kings.

The story resembles the wanderings of Odysseus and its use of classical locations enforces that view. The film certainly has some quirky bits. I think of the mayhem in the harem particularly, but then what is a red blooded Viking supposed to do in a harem? Then of course who can forget the sight of the solid gold bell bobbing like a piece of balsa wood in the ocean. Perhaps that was what it was really made of? Then there was Lionel Jefferies dressed up as a very clownish Moor in a hilarious piece of miscasting, or was it deliberate? I watched this film as a boy and enjoyed it then. Perhaps I have never grown up because I sat with schoolboy enthusiasm and enjoyed watching it again recently. No it is not a classic that is for sure, but it is a fun romp and does actually pick up a feel of the Vikings roving spirit. Sit back, dont take it too seriously and you may actually enjoy it.