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The Hitman Diaries [Kindle Edition]

Danny King
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (38 customer reviews)

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Book Description

Ian Bridges has a job he excels at, works his own hours and earns good money, but he's not a happy man. He wants more from life and longs to find that special lady to share his success with. The problem is the only women he ever meets in his line of work usually end up dead.

Still, Bridges is not to be put off and he's determined to find his Miss Right even if it means him having to kill every women in Britain.

'King's writing is sharp and his humour as black and Donald Rumsfeld's heart' – Maxim

'Danny King is quick becoming the Nick Horny of British crime fiction' – The Big Issue in the North

'King's prose has no limits of resource, invention and cracking humour' – London Student Guide

'A politically incorrect read that'll make you both wince and smile' – Tangled Web UK

'The Hitman Diaries is very funny and so compelling that once started it has to be finished – a fundamental quality of successful crime novels. A grubby, guilty pleasure' – The Times

'One of the few writers who can make me laugh out loud' – David Baddiel

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Review

?One of the few writers to make me laugh out loud. Danny King

s brilliant at making you love characters who essentially are quite bad people (David Baddiel ?It?s blokeish humour ahoy in this thoroughly enjoyable tale... King?s writing is sharp, his comedy as black as Donald Rumsfeld?s heart and he has a real penchant for dialogue as spoken by criminals... the book?s hitman protagonist himself [ cry or vomit? Jack)

About the Author

Danny King was born in Slough in 1969 and has worked as a hod carrier, postman, journalist, porn mag editor and burglar. He is the author of six previous books, the first of which he recently adapted into a sitcom for the BBC. He currently lives in north London with his wife, Jeannie (who says hello) and needs to get himself a proper job, according to his mum.

Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 678 KB
  • Print Length: 270 pages
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Sold by: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B005MU9TC8
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Enabled
  • Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (38 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #13,058 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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More About the Author

Danny King is an award-winning British novelist and screenwriter.

Born in Slough, United Kingdom in 1969 he has worked as a hod carrier, a supermarket shelf stacker, a painter & decorator, a postman and a magazine editor and today uses these rich experiences to dodge all of the aforementioned. He has written 14 books to date, eight of which were originally published by Serpent's Tail, two by Byker Books, as well as screenplays for both the big and small screens.

His first book, The Burglar Diaries, won the 2002 Amazon.co.uk Writers' Bursary Award and was the basis of his BBC sitcom, Thieves Like Us (2007). And his first feature film, Wild Bill, won both the 2012 Writers' Guild of Great Britain Award and a BAFTA nomination for Outstanding Debut.

He lives in Chichester, West Sussex with wife, Jeannie and two children and divides his time between writing and wondering what to write about. For further details go to dannykingbooks.com.

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An absolute MUST for anyone wanting a laugh! 2 Feb. 2012
By Mark Philpott VINE VOICE
Format:Kindle Edition
This is one of my favourite funny books of all time and I still don't think I have ever laughed so much at the opening of any other book. It was just perfect for my sense of humour and I was instantly hooked.

Now I should point out here, anyone from the overly sensitive PC brigade is not going to care for this book. Some might say it's a morally dubious, slightly sick tale. I say, fine, as long as it's funny I really don't care. And this IS funny, very, very funny. And, I would say, quite sweet deep, deep down.

The story follows the diary of eastender Ian whose profession is, you've guessed it, a hit man.

Ian is very good at his job, sometimes a little too good in fact. His proclivity for death dealing is such that he sometimes bumps people off without quite meaning to. Naturally, this is playing havoc with his chances of finding Miss Right, which is Ian's number one quest in life. Only once he's found true love can he finally be happy and complete; but it's hard when, every time you get close to someone, you end up murdering them (not always by choice either).

This is Ian's dilemma and we follow him through various hits, reluctantly taking on a protégée, dealing with the odd bit of gangland warfare, fighting with the ghost of his dead mother and, of course, a number of very short lived relationships.
The world through Ian's eyes is told in an amusingly blunt fashion (although, Ian is a reasonably erudite fellow compared to the characters in King's earlier work "The Burglar Diaries") and nothing is watered down or shielded from the viewer. From his deeply personal worries about the correct dating etiquette, right through to the best way to dispose of a body at sea, Ian's world is laid bare for us to examine and laugh at.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Read 8 Dec. 2006
By Del
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
You have to read this with your tongue very firmly in your cheek - the way it was written! The first Danny King I have read and it was really good fun to read. Okay the guy is a psycho but what the hell. You really warm to him and emphathise with him to some extent. I loved the unpredicatbility of the book and also the plotting. I all comes together at the end which is what I liked most. The opening scene when he has a night out with an overweight girlfriend is great fun - though not for his victims! A great romp of a read as long as you dont take it all to seriously - these people just do not exist!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Ok, ish. Not quite a 3. 6 Aug. 2014
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I was recommended this on the basis that I like John Niven. This is no Kill Your Friends. The writing style is a fairly poor imitation of Niven/Easton Ellis, though I wouldn't go so far as to say it is bad. For a cult novel there is no real humour after the first chapter. The main character is fairly dull. The other characters are fairly dull. The plot doesn't twist - it just ends where you'd have expected it to after the first couple of chapters. Not the worst book I've read, but well below average.
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By Aidan
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I've read a few Danny King books, they all tend to be about characters you really wouldn't want to meet in the real world but can really enjoy the company of when they're safely on a page. The Hitman Diaries' central character is, you guessed it, A Hitman, he kills indiscriminately, if he's told to or he deems it necessary the person in question is dead. A horrible character trait, and yet Danny King has turned this person into a likeable fella that you really warm too and ultimately hope can sort his (very) messed up life out.

The book is very funny, I read over half of it on a plane and got some funny looks as I laughed out loud, and even at times touching. Not something you'd necessarily expect with a book of this title, but something I have come to expect from Danny King. I enjoy the way the characters talk to each other and the inner monologue and struggles that go on in our anti-hero's head - this is the real strength of the book. The only reason I didn't give the book 5 stars was because I didn't enjoy the action scenes as much as the rest of the book and there are a couple of weighty action sections that I felt dragged a bit, other than that it's a great read and I'll be dipping into another Danny King book very soon.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Absolute Corker 11 Jan. 2012
Format:Kindle Edition
This is, out of all of Danny King's books, my absolute favourite. I've read this once a year since I first bought it - back in 2004 - and there are always bits that I've missed. Danny King has a fantastic way with words and has a great line in snappy dialogue, without it coming across as contrived. If you haven't read any of Danny King's books before, go for this one first then work your way through the others.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars easy money 11 Jun. 2003
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
A really funny and enjoyable book that i couldn't put down. I became so engrossed in the book that i almost beleived it was ok to just knock people off. When I came back to reality I was desperate to read more of Danny king. I have just finished Bank Robber Diaries (in two days) and am now looking forward to the burglar diaries.
Hurry up Danny with your next book!
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The Hitman And Her. And her...oh, and her... 4 Dec. 2003
By Mark Philpott VINE VOICE
Format:Paperback
Working in a bookshop, I see more books than I could ever possibly read. A lot lot of them just go from hand to shelf without much fuss. Now and then though, a book will jump from the box screaming at me to be read. Such was the case with "The Hitman Diaries".
I found it just as I was going to lunch, read the blurb and snuck it upstairs to quickly read the first chapter. I don't think I have ever laughed so much at the opening of any other book. It was just perfect and I was instantly hooked.
Now I should point out here, anyone from the overly sensitive PC brigade is not going to care for this book. Some might say it's a morally dubious, slightly sick tale. I say, fine, as long as it's funny I really don't care. And this IS funny, very, very funny.
That's all you really need to know but here's a quick overview of the plot.
The story follows the diary of eastender Ian whose profession is, you've guessed it, a hit man.
Ian is very good at his job, sometimes a little too good in fact. His proclivity for death dealing is such that he sometimes bumps people off without quite meaning to. Naturally, this is playing havoc with his chances of finding Miss Right, which is Ian's number one quest in life. Only once he's found true love can he finally be happy and complete; but it's hard when, everytime you get close to someone, you end up murdering them (not always by choice either).
This is Ian's dilemma and we follow him through various hits, reluctantly taking on a protegee, dealing with the odd bit of gangland warfare, fighting with the ghost of his dead mother and, of course, a number of very short lived relationships.
Read more ›
Comment | 
Was this review helpful to you?
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars One of my favourites
Awesomely funny , tremendously dark !
A book to get non readers reading !!!!
It's a book you will read again !!!
Published 3 months ago by Tony McD
5.0 out of 5 stars funny. Great ending too
One of my fav beginnings to a story....funny. Great ending too!
Published 6 months ago by I. R. Ballantyne
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Great book, really enjoyed this and have bought others by the author
Published 8 months ago by Paul Manning
4.0 out of 5 stars Four Stars
Great read as always
Published 12 months ago by Alan Tang
4.0 out of 5 stars a great read, you will laugh...
different and (in places) very very funny.. a great read and an interesting storyline too.
Published 13 months ago by lefka
5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderfully dark!
With the darkest humour and pathos Danny King achieves the almost impossible. He gives us the ultimate anti-hero. Read more
Published 19 months ago by Richard Larkin
4.0 out of 5 stars An enjoyable read
I like my books to provide light entertainment and this one certainly did. Some great quotes, a fast paced story and written in an easy going but eloquent style. Read more
Published 19 months ago by NicDW
4.0 out of 5 stars Readable
Very readable, amusing book. The observational comedy is very good but it's not all about the laughs, there is a good story line as well.
Published on 10 July 2013 by Walnut Baby
5.0 out of 5 stars A killer Read and very funny
I first read this book when it first came out. Reading it again almost ten years later, I remember just how funny this is. It had me laughing out loud. Read more
Published on 19 May 2013 by Hazzard4Life
5.0 out of 5 stars couldn't put it down
really good read, once i'd picked it up i was hooked and it didn't take me too long to read. now reading more by the same author
Published on 25 April 2013 by david-james webster
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