The Flight from Intimacy
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Synopsis
Do you know someone who has trouble being close to others? Acts self-centered and egotistical? Never asks for help, even when needed? Has to look good at all times? Works long hours but never gets finished? Expects perfection in self and others? Is seldom vulnerable or weak? Has difficulty relaxing? If so, this person may suffer from counterdependence, the little-known flipside of the common psychological pathology of codependence. "The Flight from Intimacy" reveals counterdependency as the major barrier in creating intimate relationships. People with counterdependent behaviors appear strong, secure and successful on the outside, while on the inside they are weak, fearful, insecure and needy. They function well in the world of business but are often failures in the world of intimate relationships. Being in a relationship with this kind of person can be extremely frustrating and even dangerous."The Flight From Intimacy" shows readers how to recognize and deal with these people. And if you recognize yourself in the list above, this book will also help you learn how to change. It will teach you how to use your committed relationships to heal your wounds from childhood.The book provides you with proven ways to use your conflicts as opportunities for creating intimate, partnership relationships.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
By Tami Brady
TOP 500 REVIEWER
Format:Paperback
In Breaking Free of the Co-dependency Trap, the authors looked to the true causes of co-dependency. They stated that 98% of the human population is co-dependent and that this reflected stilted emotional development caused by unmet needs in the first six months of life. Essentially, psychological development is halted at this point so that the individual can find what he or she needs to resolve the situation.
Counter-dependency is another major concern to healthy human development. Counter-dependency is the opposite of co-dependency. Whereas co-dependent people look to others (or substances) to solve their issues; individuals who are counter-dependent refuse to depend upon anyone. They attempt to be completely independent and isolate themselves from others.
Counter-dependency begins between the ages of six months and three years. At this age, children are beginning to explore their surroundings. If they have the unconditional love and security of their parents, children eagerly learn about their surroundings and begin to become independent people. If during this exploration the child is abused or otherwise traumatized, the child learns that the world is an unsafe place and that he or she can't trust anyone. To the outside world this individual might seem to have it all together but underneath they are miserable and completely alone.
Counter-dependency is another major concern to healthy human development. Counter-dependency is the opposite of co-dependency. Whereas co-dependent people look to others (or substances) to solve their issues; individuals who are counter-dependent refuse to depend upon anyone. They attempt to be completely independent and isolate themselves from others.
Counter-dependency begins between the ages of six months and three years. At this age, children are beginning to explore their surroundings. If they have the unconditional love and security of their parents, children eagerly learn about their surroundings and begin to become independent people. If during this exploration the child is abused or otherwise traumatized, the child learns that the world is an unsafe place and that he or she can't trust anyone. To the outside world this individual might seem to have it all together but underneath they are miserable and completely alone.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
By jeffrey
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
I have spent many years reaserching the human condition and have at last found the book that offers the missing parts of the puzzle of life. If you are serching for your true self and wondering whats wrong with "Them" then look no further.
5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars
On one level this book is interesting and useful, but it has some very questionable value judgements
12 July 2011
By lightinglife
Format:Paperback
This is a book exploring what the authors call 'counter-dependence', though I have heard it described in other ways as avoidance, narcisissm, emotional anorexia, etc. They describe it as the flip side of co-dependence, which is accurate.
In terms of what the book describes, it is useful. It is certainly a real phenomenom and accurately described. It is also very in depth.
However the book makes a lot of judgements about various things which I think are questionable. It makes arguments on scant evidence, such as the level to which it criticises twelve step groups (and some of the things it says about SLAA I have not encountered at all in my own work). I think it is dangerous to criticise such groups inaccurately as they are a lifeline for many and have helped many people - I hope none are put off by this book.
It also makes a number of value judgements about personality, culture and spirituality which I find rather narrow-minded and questionable. Basically they seem to say that 'new age' type spirituality is the only healthy kind and dismiss religion and other ways of looking at the world.
The theory it outlines is detailed, but I am left thinking that it is rather untested and subjective.
The methods it suggests for healing these issues are also quite unusual and I suspect would be beyond many people's taste.
In terms of what the book describes, it is useful. It is certainly a real phenomenom and accurately described. It is also very in depth.
However the book makes a lot of judgements about various things which I think are questionable. It makes arguments on scant evidence, such as the level to which it criticises twelve step groups (and some of the things it says about SLAA I have not encountered at all in my own work). I think it is dangerous to criticise such groups inaccurately as they are a lifeline for many and have helped many people - I hope none are put off by this book.
It also makes a number of value judgements about personality, culture and spirituality which I find rather narrow-minded and questionable. Basically they seem to say that 'new age' type spirituality is the only healthy kind and dismiss religion and other ways of looking at the world.
The theory it outlines is detailed, but I am left thinking that it is rather untested and subjective.
The methods it suggests for healing these issues are also quite unusual and I suspect would be beyond many people's taste.
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