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The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate (Relationships) Paperback – 31 Dec 1995

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Product details

  • Paperback: 204 pages
  • Publisher: Northfield Publishing,U.S.; New edition edition (31 Dec. 1995)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1881273156
  • ISBN-13: 978-1881273158
  • Product Dimensions: 15.2 x 1.3 x 22.9 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (380 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 324,295 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Product Description


The main idea behind this book is that just as people have unique personality preferences, we all have unique preferences for what we find satisfying and motivating when it comes to love. Your love language is the way that you most feel loved and cared for. The problem is most people love how they want to be loved, and that doesn't tend to align with how their partner wants to be loved. So, you have to learn to speak your partner's love language. The author also believes that focusing intently on speaking the love languages will rekindle relationships where people don't even seem to like each other anymore. --By Eleanor on December 23, 2010

How's your relationship with your mate? Your children? Your parents? Your siblings? It may be a matter of the state of the "love tank". Author Gary Chapman in his book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate believes everyone has a love tank, and that tank is filled by different love languages. These five languages are Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Quality of Time, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Often, we tend to give love in the languages we are most fluent in, which usually ends up being the languages that fill up our love tank. This would be why a husband who does yard work, dishes, car maintenance, etc. (Acts of Service) is floored when his wife says "You never show me you love me. You never cuddle with me, or caress my hair, or make the first move for sex." (Physical Touch). Or, "Why don't you spend time with me? Why do you work so much?" (Quality Time). And, "Why don't you buy me flowers? Why don't you ever get me cards or balloons...just because?" (Gifts) Or "You never tell me what I mean to you. Why don't you ever share with me what I mean to you, or what my good qualities are?" (Words of Affirmation) But, if her language is primarily Acts of Service, she'll feel so loved and honored because her husband does so many things for her, and thus feels "full" in her love tank. This may not sound like a big deal, but considering the divorce rate is 50% (as one relationship instance), and so many seem to be unhappy with their primary relationships, the concept of love languages may very well be a signficant factor in understanding self and others, and in relationship growth. --By Janet Boyer HALL OF FAMEVINE VOICE on October 7, 2003

This book is absolutely incredible. Having serious marital problems, I was desperate for any kind of help. I was about to turn to counseling when I heard about this book. I decided to buy it so that my husband and I could read it together. Not expecting too much, one lazy morning I suggested to my husband that we lay in bed and begin reading this book out loud to eachother. We read 120 pages that morning! We could not put it down! Both of us shed a lot of tears that morning, this book really hit home. That morning when we woke up, everything seemed hopeless for us. After reading this book, we had hope that our problems can be resolved. Our attitude toward eachother has greatly changed since we read this book. Basically this book explains that people feel loved in different ways. For example, my love language is "quality time" and my husband's love language is "personal touch." Without quality time with my husband, I feel unloved... my husband feels unloved when we have a lack of physical contact. Our love languages are so different... before reading this book, I just thought that my husband wanted more sex for selfish reasons. When in reality, personal contact is what he needs to feel loved. Before reading this book, my husband hated when I nagged about spending time together.. but now he realizes that spending time with me is the best way to tell me that he loves me. --By A Customer on January 12, 2004 --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

About the Author

Married more than 45 years to Karolyn, Dr. Gary Chapman is just the man to turn to for help on improving or healing our most important relationships. His own life experiences, plus over thirty-five years of pastoring and marriage counseling, led him to publish his first book in the Love Language series, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Millions of readers credit this continual New York Times bestseller with saving their marriages by showing them simple and practical ways to communicate their love to their partner.

Since the success of his first book, Dr. Chapman has expanded his Five Love Languages series to specifically reach out to teens, singles, men, and children.

He is the author of numerous other books published by Moody Publishers/Northfield Publishing, including, Anger, The Family You’ve Always Wanted, The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted, Desperate Marriages, God Speaks Your Love Language (Jan 09), Parenting Your Adult Child, and Hope for the Separated. He co-authored The Five Languages of Apology with Dr. Jennifer Thomas.

Chapman speaks to thousands of couples nationwide through his weekend marriage conferences. He hosts a nationally syndicated radio program, Love Language Minute, and a Saturday morning program, Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, that air on more than 100 stations. Dr. Chapman also serves as senior associate pastor at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

Dr. Chapman holds BA and MA degrees in anthropology from Wheaton College and Wake Forest University, respectively, MRE and PhD degrees from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, and has completed postgraduate work at the University of North Carolina and Duke University.

Dr. Chapman and his wife have two adult children and two grandchildren, and currently live in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.


--This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.

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Customer Reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

91 of 93 people found the following review helpful By Larry Hehn on 31 Oct. 2003
Format: Paperback
Would you like to become a better communicator of love to your spouse? Would you like to reap the rewards of having a spouse whose "love tank" is full, and keeps yours full as well?
Love is a choice, not an emotion. Gary Chapman explains that after the "falling in love" stage of a relationship, which can last up to two years, we settle back in to reality. The rose colored glasses are removed and we begin to see our spouse for the person they really are, warts and all.
When the sparks begin to fizzle, Hollywood tells us that it is time to move on to another relationship. Chapman, on the other hand, reveals that we now have the opportunity to solidify and deepen the relationship through learning how to effectively communicate our love for our spouse.
He introduces us to the five love languages: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Each of us express our love using these different languages and their dialects. If our language is different from that of our spouse, our expressions of love may not be understood and appreciated.
This book helps us identify and use the love languages that are meaningful to ourselves and our spouse. Chapman uses real-life examples to illustrate each language, with a dash of biblical passages to support his material.
The love languages are simple, and they work -- not only between husband and wife, but with children as well. My wife and I are polar opposites in love languages. By learning to express our love in ways that are more meaningful to each other, our honeymoon is thirteen years strong.
Get this book, read it, share it, apply it, and your "love tanks" will never be empty again.
Larry Hehn, Author of Get the Prize: Nine Keys for a Life of Victory
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39 of 40 people found the following review helpful By Honeypie on 17 May 2007
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book is excellent in every respect. It is for indiviuals and/or couples, is very easy to read, not preachy, full of practical ideas and exercises (rather than endless theory)and most importantly full of HOPE for a more fulfilling life. It provides insights that can help those who just want to improve the good marriages they already have. But it can really help those struggling with a troubled marriage, whether as a result of infidelity, those wondering why they don't love their partner they way they used to or just the the ups and downs of marriage. Importantly, the author gives ideas that can be practiced whether or not your partner wants to participate in the improvment process. Strongly recommended.
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22 of 23 people found the following review helpful By Retep Kcollop on 19 Nov. 2006
Format: Paperback
My wife tried to get me to read this book soon after we got married. Being a guy, I didn't want to read some girly book about love though! O what a mistake! Nine years later, I had a change of heart and discovered that I had missed out on so much in the last nine years because I didn't understand the language my wife was speaking. If you want to be able to show your spouse that you love them and/or you are confused about why they don't seem to show you love, then read this book. It will open up a whole new world of understanding for you!
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71 of 76 people found the following review helpful By A.Trendl on 5 Oct. 2004
Format: Paperback
In an effort to help mates understand how to love each other, Gary Chapman tries to organize the communication of love in five styles. He tries to help the reader understand which style(s) they respond to most, and to ask the reader to think what language the one they want to love 'hears' most clearly.
In "The Five Love Languages: Five Love Languages," Chapman isn't saying love only happens the way he says. Instead, he is giving a framework to love one another better. This way, we (especially we men), aren't shooting in the dark. Often, we want to love better than we do, and work hard, but miss the mark because we are, in essence, speaking another language.
Chapman tells us that we often love the way we'd like to be loved, and that so does our spouse love us the way they'd like to be love. This can help us discover who we are, and more importantly, how we can love.
Some romantic relationship books take the angle that men are different than women -- and that's true, but rather this a book about communications styles. In fact, he'll assert that men and women might prefer any of the five 'languages'.
The success of this book isn't in learning the styles, but in the active use of them in our relationships. It is easy to read, but with deep consequences.
I fully recommend "The Five Love Languages: Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.
Anthony Trendl
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26 of 28 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on 6 Aug. 2000
Format: Paperback
Are you sure you know what makes your mate feel loved? If you can answer "yes" without hesitation you are either very lucky or (more likely?) too hasty. Reading this book made me understand more fully what I thought I knew already: Human beings are different. One person's way of expressing love may mean little to another person. Gary Chapman identifies five basic ways of expressing love: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Giving Gifts, and Physical Touch. If you and your mate speaks different "love languages" AND NONE OF YOU REALIZE IT, disappointments and problems are in store. E.g, imagine you give your mate a gift that you put a lot of work or money in, but s/he would much rather just be together with you for an hour. Both of you will be disappointed, you because the gift what not taken as the love sign it was meant to be, your mate because you spent time on the gift instead of spending time on him/her. Turn the story around and imagine the joy possible if you both know what will make each other feel loved and both express love in the mate's love language. The book is an easy read, full of examplifying stories from real life, and avoids the pitfall of easy solutions to hard problems. There are a few Scripture references in each chapter, which is a plus from my point of view, but the book can be read without those by anybody ready to think of the loved one before thinking of oneself. One reservation about me: I am a bachelor, and this is mostly a marriage book, though the principles of the book can be applied to family and people around me. At least I know what to give my cousin when she is married at the end of the summer!
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