The Expendables [Blu-ray]

Ever felt like the balance of movies has been somewhat distorted in recent years? You know, back in the day, you would be ok to go see your partners favourite choice of "girl film" at the flicks because you were already thinking six months ahead and you knew there was a new Stallone, Schwarzenegger or Van Damme blockbuster about to hit the cinema and she'd have to accompany you to that one to return the favour... It's what made sitting through yet another romance with your partner even slightly bearable for us guys.. Well those days are long, long gone.

Action heroes these days are considered people like Orlando Bloom, Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp. Fine for the girls, but just not acceptable for lovers of classic action films. Not at all, I'm afraid. So for the last 10-15 years it's been a case of us guys going to see whatever goop our partner has picked out of the local cinema listings and just enduring it without any return for ourselves, without that light at the end of a tunnel such as the thought that "it's okay, because the new Arnie film comes out next week and watching this with her means I'll get to go see that without any complaints"... Nothing.

Proof can even be seen in the very few action movies we've actually seen, they manage to work the current action-hero-less situation we've been in in recent years. Remember Bruce Willis in Die Hard 4.0 ("If there was somebody else then believe me I wouldn't be doing this, but the fact is there is nobody else right now and that's why I'm doing it!"). Remember when making 2008's terrific Rambo, Sylvester Stallone said he wanted to make an action movie the way it was supposed to be made, and then post it to somebody like Orlando Bloom with a note saying "That's how it's meant to be done"...

THE EXPENDABLES IS THE MOVIE WHICH RESTORES THE BALANCE.

It restores the balance for men everywhere and it makes up for the last decade of nazel-gazing unconfident action hero pretenders ruining our movie-going experience. The Expendables doesn't just give a classic action movie it goes even further and it does it because it has to. It has an awfully long time to make up for. And it does not disappoint. With widespread reports of men growing bears just whilst watching the trailer, one thing has been established; Real "Man Movies" are back.

There were many pretentious, wannabe taken seriously movie 'experts' saying this was a bad movie even before they had seen it. Anybody who lived through the era of Stallone, Lundgren, Schwarzenegger and Van Damme will already be able to tell you that's EXACTLY how it was back then too. People didn't really realize how lucky they had it back then, with Lethal Weapon 3, Terminator 2, Commando, Running Man, Rambo, Rocky, Die Hard, Universal Soldier and a whole raft of other action classics being delivers almost one after the other for over half a decade... Yet there were still people who panned them and called them predictable or cheesy. If you are one of those types, The Expendables has no time for you. One thing which Stallone has really learned as a director is that he does not need to try to please everybody, and this is catered for the exact audience he wanted to cater for.

With Rambo, he made a movie for Rambo fans who were tired of watered down PG13's like The Marine and he did it exceptionally. With Rocky Balboa he made a movie specifically for Rocky fans, to end the story. It would seem Stallone works to his best skills when he is NOT trying to win an Oscar, when he does not give a damn what anybody thinks other than the people he is making the movie for. And The Expendables is no different. This was catered for fans of classic 1980's action movies, where heroes never ran out of bullets, never got shot, always had time to pause for a moment whilst killing somebody to deliver a line, and so on. It's made specifically for fans of this type of movie and if you're not one of them they are very open with you; don't watch it. They will not be trying to please you in it, and that makes it all the more fun to watch! It's been an interactive movie from the start, with Stallone regularly asking fans what they wanted in the film and more recently he has been seen posting on his Twitter asking who fans want to see in the sequel (with Dwayne 'The Rock' Jonson and Jean Claude Van Damme among favourites for roles). It shows the current plight of action movies when this film contains the biggest action stars around and only Jason Statham from today's generation of action heroes makes the cut. It's a movie which makes a big statement that the action genre has been neglected for more than a decade and it's sick of it.

And he's done it perfectly.

When I went to see this movie, I could instantly see that the balance had been restored.

One look around the popcorn line and you could see who was going to see this movie and who wasn't, because all of a sudden guys were back in the cinema. And they all had partners who looked like they didn't want to be there. PAYBACK.

The odd thing is whilst I was clearly in my element watching this, so was my partner! She absolutely loved it. It's cheesy but it's affectionate cheese, you can tell just how much Stallone cares about this genre and the almost pantomime relationships between he, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger - a relationship which is captured fantasically with a tongue-in-cheek scene between the three with a lot of real-world references that fans will love, such as Stallone's great "He wants to be President" parting shot at Arnie.

Dolph Lundgren steals the show with another classic performace as the 'nutter', he always steps up when playing a mentally disturbed character ala Universal Soldier and he's back to his best here. Elsewhere Terry Crews delights as the massive black guy with an attitude and Statham is clearly Sylvester Stallone's choice for the new generation, and rightly so.

In the end the world is all about balance, and for years things have been very one-sided for our partners when it comes to our trips to the cinema. No more. GUYS - GO GET SOME!!! And ladies, the last ten years says you havne't even got a decent complaint to lodge.

The Expendables rocks and is one of the most needed films in recent action history.

"The Expendables" is a merry cheerful genocide between old friends à la sauce testosterone, a very violent and in the same time surprisingly tender, nostalgic, full of humour and less than half serious movie - and I loved every minute of it!

The story is in principle about a group of mercenaries, many of them a little bit aged, who are hired by the CIA to eliminate the military dictator ruling a little island in the Caribbean - but the plot is really really NOT important, and so it will not be discussed further.

The team of mercenaries is small but lethal (of course!). Its leader Barney Ross is (of course!) played by Stallone himself, who also wrote the scenario and directed the film. Ross is the oldest member of the team; he is also a man of few words, without much personal life, very calm and slightly sad. His great pride is to be the fastest man to draw and shoot the gun - "Only light is faster"...

The second in command, Lee Christmas, is played by Jason Statham, who gives an IMPRESSIVE performance!! Christmas is much younger than his commander (and best friend), much more extraverted and with a gorgeous, although unfaithful girlfriend played by Charisma Carpenter. He is an excellent marksman and an accomplished martial arts expert, but his personal specialty is knife fight and especially knife throwing. In homage to the "Magnificent seven" old western classic, Ross and Christmas have at every possible occasion a friendly speed competition between knife and revolver...

The third most important member of the team is Gunner Jensen, a gigantic sociopathic and borderline insane sniper played with great brio by Dolph Lundgren - who gives in this movie his (in my modest opinion) best screen performance ever. Considering the fact that Lundgren almost killed (accidentally) Stallone when they turned "Rocky IV" (Sly spend eight days in ICU), their reunion is a particularly touching cinema moment.

Number four is Ying Yang, played by Jet Li. Much shorter and smaller than his pals, Yang is also a good shooter but (obviously) he is the most dangerous in close combat - although his character clearly also is no more in his prime and will realise it during this mission...

The other members of the team, Toll Road (ex-wrestler Randy Couture) and Hale Caesar (ex-footballer Terry Crews) have less screen time, but they also have their stories to tell and they add some flavour to the whole thing.

Other than the names of some of the mercenaries, the big gag which I appreciated the most is that they all have deep and concerning issues: Ross has the aging problem, Christmas has a girlfriend problem, Jensen has an addiction problem, Yang has money troubles, Road has depression issues (and the whole cinema went amok with laughter when he confessed why) and Caesar has a fixation on absolutely enormous guns, which is most of the times a sign of..., well, you know what kind of problem...)))

Stallone's team is assisted by a former soldier and mercenary known only as Tool (played by Mickey Rourke), who now is retired and earns his living officially by making tattoos to bikers and exotic dancers - but in fact he is a go-between arranging "jobs" for the mercenaries. Mickey Rourke gives in this movie a great performance and it is a pure pleasure watching him on the screen.

This testosterone laced ensemble will have to face not only the usual hordes of evil gun fodder but also three particularly nasty bad guys: a fiendish former CIA agent turned free lance criminal (Eric Roberts) and his two vile and brutish henchmen: Paine (played by ex-wrestler "Stone Cold" Steve Austin) and Brit (played by kickboxer and martial arts expert Gary Daniels). The two apocalyptic close quarter fights between Ross and Paine and between Christmas, Yang and Brit towards the end of the movie are a particularly great treat. Martial arts shown in those duels are nothing like karate from Bruce Lee or Chuck Norris movies - they look rather like battlefield fighting styles (Israeli krav maga or Soviet sambo), very violent and brutal and designed to kill rather than to display one's ability.

As almost everybody probably already knows there is one scene in the movie when Stallone meets Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis. This short scene takes place in a church - and I am almost certain that this is homage to the scene from Sergio Leone's most famous western, when the three heroes meet in a cemetery... Although short, the church scene is a simply incredible moment of cinema! In my modest opinion even if somebody got a Nobel Prize, found the cure for cancer or climbed Mount Everest wearing only strings, still his/her life is not complete without watching the church scene from "Expendables"...)))

The cast is clearly impressive, but what makes this movie so enjoyable is the tone Stallone adopted for the whole movie. No matter how much we try, it is simply impossible to take this film seriously. The violence is certainly omnipresent and very graphic, but it is also so exaggerated that it finally starts to have an almost comic effect. Stallone also took care to soften the violence of fights by giving the "bad guys" face paintings which make them look more like plastic figures than real human beings - which gave as final result more the impression of a video game for teenagers than a real fight.

Another great thing is that this movie has many surprisingly touching and even tender moments. Stallone did a good choice by giving his character a soft touch: as he gets old he clearly regrets less his youth than the fact that he does not have any family, other than the handful of desperados he hangs with. He also clearly has some bad things on the conscience and as his life enters its last stage, he longs for some redemption. This is why Ross decides to commit himself so heavily in this "job" - not only to earn his wage, but also to save an innocent person... who reminds him of a daughter he never had... And finally the relation between the whole team (and Tool) reminds one of an extended family or tribe reunion - with Rourke and Stallone playing the role of aging tribal ancestors, watching with tender care (and also some concern) their young and not so young braves.

I enjoyed this movie greatly and I really hope that there will be a sequel - if possible with Chuck Norris making at least one cameo! Another great idea somebody launched on internet is an "oestrogen" version of "Expendables" - a remake with an exclusively feminine cast, with Sigourney Weaver, Lucy Lawless and Michelle Yeoh taking Stallone, Lundgren and Jet Li roles... )))

The title of this review (which was inspired by a not so good Mel Gibson's movie) reflects quite well my feelings, when I left the cinema. This movie - and especially the ending - made me feel some nostalgia, gave me a lot of fun, but it also made me feel good. I will certainly buy the DVD as soon as it is available and I will watch it again from time to time to remind me of the old good action movies from the 80s, a time when I was an action movie fan... and young!

The eighties were a great time for us lovers of testosterone fuelled shoot-em-ups, where some muscle bound heroic type would wade in and save the day with lots of good punch ups and some big bangs along the way. Times have changed, and trips to the cinema to see an action film tend to be more restrained affairs as actors and directors try to show us complex characters and difficult moral dilemmas that require a bit more cerebral activity. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, it's just that quite often I yearn for a good old fashioned thriller with no complex undercurrents, just a straight forward high octane action fest with plenty of thrills and spills along the way. And that is just what is served up here.

It's an inspired idea. Line up some of the greatest action heroes of the past and modern day, arm them to the teeth and unleash them on some villainous types. Don't worry too much about plot, characterisation or complex and modern angst dilemmas, just let them blow up anything in sight whilst eviscerating the bad guys in some great hand to hand stuff. It's an unashamed paean to those old fashioned big thrillers, and all the better for it. A friend of mine said he didn't really understand the plot. A what now? A plot? It doesn't need one - which is just as well as it doesn't really have one. And the one it does have has holes large enough to drive a large tank through. But it matters not, just slip brain into neutral, kick back and relax to the sound of lots of bangs and breaking bones.

Writer, director and star Sylvester Stallone does a fine job. I confess to often being surprised at just how good he is in films, and as a director. There are a few directorial touches and flourishes here that I really liked, such as the rolling of the camera to give a character's point of view in a fight. Despite these creative touches though, there is a small problem with lighting in some scenes, which are altogether too dark to see what is going on. Stallone has rounded up a stellar cast. The old guard includes Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis (in cameos), a welcome return to the big screen for Dolph Lundgren, a great turn from Micky Rourke, and a decent panto villain from Eric Roberts. In fact, if they'd had Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme aboard I think they would have had the full set. The young bloods are headed up by Jason Statham, currently the heir to the Stallone/Willis/Schwarzenegger legacy, and include Jet Li, Terry Crews and Steve Austin. All are on form, and all turn in memorable performances and violence.

The film is an action packed rollercoaster full of thrills and nostalgia. Stallone throws everything into the action sequences (including, I'd swear, a kitchen sink) and it pays off. Punctuating the action with a classic seventies/eighties rock track just accentuates the feeling of tribute to that era. In all it's a classic of the genre it pays homage to, even with the lighting problems how could I award it anything less than 5 stars?