The Emotionally Intelligent Manager: How to Develop and Use the Four Key Emotional Skills of Leadership [Hardcover]

The premise of this book is pretty basic: emotions contain information. I honestly was not all that impressed at first, but I did finish this book, and I do like it. What turned me around was something the authors write in the beginning: "Just to be clear: EI does not equal success; emotionally intelligent people are not necessarily great managers, and not all great managers are emotionally intelligent... An emotionally intelligent manager is not a manager for all seasons, but we strongly believe that such a person will manage, lead, and live in a manner that results in positive outcomes for people." They don't promise you the moon, and they constantly remind you that "We won't be making such wild claims in this book." In a way, that is disappointing, because I expect a book to say that its topic is critical for success and wealth, etc. The authors' approach is more balanced, which I respect. I like to be treated that way. Cannot give it 5 stars - it's not the best, but I learned a few things that although seem like common sense at first, when you dig/read deeper, there is a lot of nuance. The cases, too, are not contrived - especially in the last few chapters. People in those cases are not always the corporate `stars' - again, a balanced perspective that appeals to me.

Emotional intelligence is not about letting yourself being ruled by your emotions. Quite to the contrary, it is about using emotions smartly. Being emotionally intelligent means that you are able to accurately recognise emotions in yourself and others, understand what they mean and why they're present, and problem solve on that basis. The most emotionally intelligence people I know are excellent at regulating their own emotions, they don't `lose the plot' and they do it in an authentic way.

The Six Core Principles of Emotional Intelligence according to Caruso and Salovey

Indeed, The Emotionally Intelligent Manager constantly re-enforces these messages. The authors go to great lengths to communicate that emotions are data. Their approach to the topic begins with six core principles.

1. Emotion is information - emotions are data about people and social situations. Emotions are reactions we and others have to situations and they tell us a lot about those situations. Emotions are separate from moods; they are temporary and occur in response to situations and interactions. An emotionally intelligent person knows how to distinguish between their emotions and the influence of being in a certain mood.

2. Efforts to ignore emotion don't work - research has shown that it takes a tremendous amount of effort to try and ignore emotions, effort that interferes with our cognitive functioning. If we try to suppress and ignore what we feel, we are less likely to remember information. In fact, according to the authors, it is hypothesised that women remember more about social interactions than men because men are more likely to try and suppress heir emotions in social situations than women!

3. Efforts to hide emotions are also unlikely to work - body language often gives away a lot more than we intend. Research has shown that liars can be spotted through careful observations of gestures and fleeting emotional displays. Given that it takes a lot of effort to hide emotions, chances are we'll be found out. Just think of the sales person who's trying to force on a smile when it is obvious he hates his job. In the words of the authors, "your feelings and emotions will be read by some of the people most of the time and all of the people some of the time."

4. Decisions must incorporate emotions to be effective - Whether we like it or not, our feelings impact on us and others and influence the type of decisions we make. Picture the marketing team trying to come up with a new ground-breaking advertising campaign to the youth market. Now, imagine they have just been told that the company is downsizing and their jobs may be at risk. How likely are they to come up with exciting and novel ideas?

Indeed, positive emotions facilitate our ability to expand our thinking, generate new ideas and encourage us to consider possibilities. By contrast, negative moods are more helpful in helping us focus on details and search out errors. If you're about to sit an exam, being slightly down is actually a good idea!

5. Emotions follow logical patterns - Each emotions follows a sequence from low to high intensity. If you are aware of that, you can quite reliably predict how a person will react to a series of events. You are far less likely to find yourself wondering, for example, why on earth a colleague has become so angry. People's reactions to you and to events around you will not seem so `out of the blue'.

6. Emotional universals exist, but so do specifics - Part of the reason emotional intelligence is so important and so powerful is because there are universal rules of emotions. A happy face is seen as a happy face all over the world, the same holds true for displays of anger.

But, it is important to remember that there are culturally and gender specific `emotional display rules' that we learn almost by osmosis. For example, `boys don't cry', and `forthright men are assertive while forthright women are aggressive'.

Another interesting phenomenon is the notion of secondary emotions. Whereas anger, fear and joy are basic emotions we experience without much thinking, embarrassment, shame and disgust are culturally specific. What's embarrassing in one culture - like kissing strangers - is culturally appropriate in another.

I hope that by now, I've convinced the more sceptical readers of the importance of emotional intelligence. The real strength of the Emotionally Intelligent Manager is that it offers a way for everyone to enhance their skills in developing an emotionally intelligent approach to work and life.

The Four Skills of Emotional Intelligence
According to the authors, the emotionally intelligent manager should be skilful in the following:

1. Identifying emotions
2. Using emotions
3. Understanding emotions
4. Managing emotions

The book centres on those skills and much of it is devoted to illustrating their importance using research and case examples. For you to decide if the book is something you should read, I'll outline these skills briefly:

1. Identifying emotions

The ability to pinpoint how people feel is critical but can be quite difficult. The authors include here the ability to identify how you feel and how others feel, being able to express emotions, being able to read between the lines and being able to discern between real and fake emotions. They also refer to an ability to read nonverbal information accurately. Some of you might find it surprising, but research suggests that actual words account for as little at 10% of information in exchanges, the rest being tone, gestures and facial expressions!

Self awareness is obviously a key part of emotional intelligence. Note, however, that the authors emphasise this is about accuracy and insight, rather than excessive introspection that could lead to paralysis.

2. Using emotions

Emotionally intelligent people use emotions to enhance their thinking. People who understand the role of emotions in decision making know that if they're after a productive brain storming session, getting their team into a good mood will enhance its ability to come up with novel ideas. They also pay attention to their own emotions. If they feel uneasy about a client presentation, rather than ignore it as a sign of mild paranoia, they go back and check for errors and misinformation. And crucially, they are able to take others' point of view and understand what it feels like for the other person. As such, they are more likely to gain people's trust and support.

3. Understanding emotions

This is about predicting the emotional future. Emotionally intelligent people understand that emotions follow predicable patterns. This skill is the most cognitive- thinking related of the four. It means having an understanding about emotions, what causes them and how emotions transition.

Knowing that emotions follow certain rules gives us an ability to fairly accurately predict how emotions will develop. You can conduct an emotional `what if analysis'. For examples, you might be after a pay rise and you know that your boss is more likely to listen when she is relaxed and feeling positive about her own role and the future of the company. You can start observing when she is more likely to be in this good space and time your discussion accordingly.

4. Managing emotions

This is probably what you first thought of when you heard the term emotional intelligence. It is about incorporating your own feeling and those of others into your thinking. According to the authors,

"People with a strong ability to manage emotions can be passionate, but they also have good emotional self-control, tend to be even-tempered, think clearly when they are experiencing strong feelings, make decisions based on their hearts and their heads, and generally reflect on their emotions often."

Emotionally intelligent managers know how to distinguish between emotions and moods. They know that emotions convey data whereas moods can arise from an un-known reason. In short, they are able to integrate thinking and feeling. Emotionally intelligent managers don't suppress their feeling and vent them. They are able to reflect and integrate emotions into their thinking and use the insights as a source of valuable information for intelligent decision making and action.

Can Emotional Intelligence Be Developed?

The short answer is yes! But you need to want to...

The book contains many great exercises to help you reflect on your emotional style, gain greater insight and develop each of the four skills.

As a taster, I picked the following, which anyone can do and which is quite fun:

Expressing your own emotions - Apparently, many of us are pretty bad at this without even realising. We may think we look pleased, but in fact we permanently look slightly grumpy. The authors suggest practising making faces in front of the mirror. While sitting in a café with two bored children I devised a game using this principle where I made faces and the kids had to guess which emotion I was trying to convey. Needless to say there were many laughs and very quickly they wanted to take their turn. This game turned into quite a favourite!

Reading the emotions of others - Here the authors recommend hiring a movie you've never watched and watching it with the sound off. Stopping at an intense emotional scene and writing down what you think is happening and what the characters are saying. Later, compare it to the actual words spoken.

Another exercise the authors recommend and one that my husband and I both really like is people watching. Without being too obvious, try and observe a social interaction taking place. It's great if you do it with someone else, so that you can see if you agree on what's happening, and who the people are. I'm afraid my husband is much better at this than I am!

And Finally...

The Emotional Intelligent Manager is not an easy read. It is written by academics and feels like an academic book. I have to confess that I skipped some parts that felt overly repetitive on one hand but had to go back and re-read other crucial bits I didn't get at first read on the other. The book has a plethora of case studies and practical exercises that anyone can do. In the appendix they have many exercises designed to help you gain insight into your emotional style, how you handle emotions and use them in problem solving. Given that self insight is the crucial building bloc of developing emotional intelligence, this in itself is valuable.

If you feel that emotional intelligence is something that you need to develop as it may be holding you back - than rush and buy this book and read and re-read it. If you feel that you've got some of the fundamentals already in place, than I suggest you borrow it from your local library and browse it to find the most useful bits for you. In any case, for anyone who works with people, especially those in managerial positions or contemplating a boardroom career, the emotionally intelligent manager can help you develop a very valuable secret weapon.

I was led to buy this book because of the abundant praise I read about it. I was sadly disappointed. The content is but an endless repetition of the same basic idea: emotions are important. When we expect the authors to come with a revelation, this is what we find:

`Consider a person who has a huge smile on her face. Her eyes are twinkling, her mouth is upturned in a big smile, and she is laughing. How is this person feeling? If you were to say "angry" because you felt that it is possible that the person is angry, you would most likely be wrong.'

Well, I surely didn't need a "scientific" book to tell me that - nor to tell me so many other similar things. I don't tell other readers to avoid this book, but I suggest, if they are disappointed as I am, that they write here what they think of it. It will just improve the publishing market, and will help future customers to beware of too much praise.