"Engel doesn′t just describe–she shows us the way out." –Susan Forward, author of Emotional Blackmail Praise for the emotionally abusive relationship "In this book, Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offers step–by–step strategies to stop emotional abuse. . . helping both victims and abusers to identify the patterns of this painful and traumatic type of abuse. This book is a guide both for individuals and for couples stuck in the tragic patterns of emotional abuse." –Marti Loring, Ph.D., author of Emotional Abuse and coeditor of The Journal of Emotional Abuse "This groundbreaking book succeeds in helping people stop emotional abuse by focusing on both the abuser and the abused and showing each party what emotional abuse is, how it affects the relationship, and how to stop it. Its unique focus on the dynamic relationship makes it more likely that each person will grasp the tools for change and really use them." –Randi Kreger, author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook and owner of BPDCentral.com The number of people who become involved with partners who abuse them emotionally and/or who are emotionally abusive themselves is phenomenal, and yet emotional abuse is the least understood form of abuse. In this breakthrough book, Beverly Engel, one of the world′s leading experts on the subject, shows us what it is and what to do about it. Whether you suspect you are being emotionally abused, fear that you might be emotionally abusing your partner, or think that both you and your partner are emotionally abusing each other, this book is for you. The Emotionally Abusive Relationship will tell you how to identify emotional abuse and how to find the roots of your behavior. Combining dramatic personal stories with action steps to heal, Engel provides prescriptive strategies that will allow you and your partner to work together to stop bringing out the worst in each other and stop the abuse. By teaching those who are being emotionally abused how to help themselves and those who are being emotionally abusive how to stop abusing, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship offers the expert guidance and support you need.
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According to therapist Engel (The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How To Stop Being Abused and How To Stop Abusing), "even the most loving person" is capable of emotional abuse–that is, "any non–physical behavior designed to control, intimidate, subjugate, demean, punish, or isolate." In a reasoned, sensible tone, she encourages readers to become responsible for their behavior and for changing it. Identified are ten "patterns of abuse" (verbal assault, character assassination, etc.), different kinds of abusive relationships, action steps for cessation, and suggestions for recovery. Using dense writing and cogent examples, Engel clearly shows how this type of abuse, either intentional or unconscious leads to low self–esteem and misery for one or both partners. A difficult and draining yet important read for those who suspect that their relationship has entered abusive territory, this book is highly recommended. (Library Journal, September 15, 2002)
"...important read for those who suspect that their relationship has entered abusive territory, this book is highly recommended." (Library Journal, September 15, 2002) --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
"...important read for those who suspect that their relationship has entered abusive territory, this book is highly recommended." (Library Journal, September 15, 2002) --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Review
"A good, solid treatment of an insidious but all–too–common type of relationship in which the weapons are words and moods rather than fists, but which do just as much damage. Most importantly, Beverly Engel doesn′t just describe––she shows us the way out." ––Susan Forward, bestselling author of Emotional Blackmail, Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them, and Toxic Parents
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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No matter what Tracey does, she just can't seem to please her boyfriend. Read the first page
Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
No matter what Tracey does, she just can't seem to please her boyfriend. Read the first page
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75 of 76 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
A lovely book. Engel comes from love and empathy for abusers and abusees alike and is wonderfully free of judgements. A moving, highly readable and deeply usable guide to how to recognise and then stop patterns of abuse when we are in the habit of giving or receiving it. An inspiring read, and manual, for counsellors and a potential lifesaver for human happiness for everyone from the multiply divorced to the person who's just shouted at their partner for the first time ever. But not for those who believe abusees are victims (poor me)and abusers are monsters: Engel holds that blame benefits no-one and everyone, if willing, can grow and learn new, loving, abuse-free habits that esteem both themself and their partner. Written in wonderfully plain jargon-free English (except that she refers to "borderline personality disorder").
Engel defines emotional abuse as "any non-physical behaviour designed to control, intimidate, subjugate, demean, punish or isolate another person" i.e. everything from blaming to sulking, demands to insults, domineering to overinquisitiveness. [So if you've lived with someone for more than a month and never ever given or received emotional abuse, click here for your halo:-)]
Beverly focuses on emotional abuse but but her techniques could be equally transformative for people who give or receive physical, sexual or verbal abuse. Similarly, the book is all about lifepartners but can be adapted to other close relationships e.g. parent/step-parent to adult child.
26 of 26 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
I can't recommend this enough. Packed with clearly presented information, easy to read, clear exercises, plus she herself was abusive and worked through it, so is completely speaking from a place of real informed balance and empathy.
22 of 22 people found the following review helpful
By J. Rogers
Format:Paperback
This book gives great insight into what has been going on in your abusive relationship. It helps you acknowledge, understand and stop the abuse. Also pointing out that sometimes the only answer is to GET OUT!!!!!
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars
Reassuring confirmation of an emotionally abusive marriage
Wish I'd read this book years ago. Has helped me understand what I have been through all my married life with a sociopath. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Mrs Susan M. Hayes
4.0 out of 5 stars
Very informative read
I remember coming across this book in some bookshop a few years back but never really thought at the time that it would be of such use to me; how I was wrong. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Alex Gadd
3.0 out of 5 stars
OK if your partner is committed to changing
This is a book that assumes the abusive partner is open to change. There are tactics to try, and pages for the abuser to read and work through.
Published 3 months ago by Cee Jay
5.0 out of 5 stars
Excellent book- shining a light and now I see
If you want to understand the skilled abuser who is using, amongst other methods, projection and emotional blackmail against you, whilst convincing you the problem is... Read more
Published 6 months ago by J. Black
5.0 out of 5 stars
Very Interesting
This book has brought to light some of the many issuse my family history has. I given this book to family members who have found this book a little disturbing but also a very... Read more
Published 9 months ago by Mr not so nice but still ok
5.0 out of 5 stars
Excellent book for anyone been through emotional abuse/neglect
This book is a must for anyone who has been through emotional abuse/neglect or had a very critical parent. Read more
Published 16 months ago by Susan
5.0 out of 5 stars
Emotionally abusive relationships.
A must for every couple (and for any person actually) if you want to understand how to stop the pain chain.
Published 18 months ago by Lucy
5.0 out of 5 stars
Powerful Teaching into Recognising abuse.
Amazingly powerful book encouraging individuals to look honestly at their relationships and why we attract the repetative patterns of abuse. Read more
Published 18 months ago by Ms. Charlotte Watt
5.0 out of 5 stars
Superb book
Has been a life saver, with so much wisdom that even rereading it years later, gems still appear, cant rate it highly enough.
Published on 31 Mar 2011 by jm
5.0 out of 5 stars
The best support item an individual can have !
The book has open my eyes to a lot of ongoing issues in my life that not even the doctors could resolve in my 11 year stretch of suffering. Read more
Published on 4 Sep 2010 by Heart Felt x
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