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The Drama of Being a Child : The Search for the True Self [Paperback]

Alice Miller
4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (40 customer reviews)
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Book Description

27 April 1995

The first publication of Drama of Being a Child and of this 1997 edition are separated by fifteen years of experience - the author's experience with her own self-therapy and with other recent therapy methods, and finally her knowledge of the life histories of the several thousand readers who have written to her. The research into childhood she has undertaken in this period has led to further fine-tuning of her earlier findings, as is ocumented and illustrated here with an abundance of examples. The author examines the consequences of repression at personal and social levels, the causes of the physical and

psychological harm done to children and how this can be prevented, and finally the new methods at our disposal for dealing with the consequences of infant traumas.


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Product details

  • Paperback: 176 pages
  • Publisher: Virago; 2Rev Ed edition (27 April 1995)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1860491014
  • ISBN-13: 978-1860491016
  • Product Dimensions: 12.7 x 19.8 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (40 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 5,894 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Product Description

Review

Rare and compelling in its compassion and its unassuming eloquence...her examples are so vivid and so ordinary they touch the hurt child in us all (NEW YORK MAGAZINE)

About the Author

Alice Miller lives in France. For more than twenty years she taught and practised psychoanalysis. In 1973, due to her spontaneous painting she discovered her childhood history. Now, she radically questions the validity of psychoanalytic theories. As a result, in 1988 she resigned from the International Psychhoanalytical Association and, in 1995, revised 'The Drama of being a Child'.

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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
154 of 156 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Wise & Perceptive Book That Changed My Life! 14 Feb 2005
Format:Paperback
Alice Miller's "Drama Of The Gifted Child," was originally published as "Prisoners Of Childhood; The Drama Of The Gifted Child," in 1981. I read the book over 20 years ago, and recently reread it. I find that it is just as relevant, wise and perceptive today as it was then. Ms. Miller was a practicing psychoanalyst, who gave up her work with patients to write books, for the layperson, primarily dealing with early childhood abuse. In a new Forward, Miller continues to disavow psychoanalysis. Although I am not in agreement with her on this, she continues to be one of my heroes.

Ms. Miller, who writes an elegant and easily understandable prose, discusses here the issue of children raised by a narcissistic parent(s). She explains that this book is not about high I.Q. children, but about those who were able to survive an abusive childhood because they developed an adequate defense system. At a very early age the child intuitively apprehends the parent's needs. Since the parent, especially the mother, is the child's soul source of survival, the child strives to please, fearing disapproval, or abandonment. Thus, the child sublimates his needs for the parent's. Roles reverse and the child frequently takes on the parent's responsibility as emotional caregiver. This impedes the growth of a child's true identity, and a "loss of self" frequently occurs. The child adapts by not "feeling" his own needs, and develops finely tuned antennae, focusing intensely on the needs of the all important other. Ms. Miller writes, "An abused child, (emotionally), does not know it is being abused, and in order to survive and avoid the unbearable pain, the mind is provided with a remarkable mechanism, the 'gift' of 'repression,' which stores these experiences in a place outside of consciousness.
...
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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Short, sweet and VERY to the point 19 Feb 2011
Format:Hardcover
This is the best book I've read whilst trying to understand my anger and learn to maintain loving relationships. It it also one of the shortest. If you like highlighting key paragraphs in your self-help books, then you'll need to make sure your high-lighter is full, because it will get almost constant use!
She presents a very clear idea. Your pain is entirely related to the your childhood. (Be it disrespect, criticism, anger, being ignored, pushed too hard etc). You are acting out this anger now on auto-pilot, without acknowledging where it came from. You can not move-on until you have studied your childhood and FELT (not intellectualised) the pain you felt.
This may not be rocket science, but she presents her argument far more precisely and powerfully than anyone else, and gives some very useful examples to help you uncover the many experiences of your childhood you have locked away. It is even more vital to read and digest if you are becoming a parent.
I'm a convert. I'm reading it a 2nd time (and this time find myself highlighting many of the paragraphs that escaped the first time).

ps. The title threw me a little with the word 'gifted'. It is not about 'wonder / chess / violin playing brain boxes', it is about every child, and how the 'gift' of childhood gets hidden.
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10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Finding the true self and then becoming it 28 Nov 2007
By Ken
Format:Paperback
This book is written with very deep insight, compassion, eloquence, clarity and power. Alice Miller speaks of the vital importance for us to discover our own personal truth that puts us in touch with our true self. As Ms. Miller states it can be very painful to discover our real feelings since many of us have repressed hurt feelings from childhood trauma that we have buried and we have hid these feelings not only from our parents but from ourselves as well.

What I have learned from this remarkable book is that we hide these feelings from our parents so they will `love' us, but it's not our true self that they love since it is these hidden feelings that are the manifestations of who we really are. In its place we give our parents an image of ourselves so as to make them happy. This fulfills their needs but we hide our own since we fear that the expression of our own needs will lead to parental rejection and correspondingly to a loss of their love.

When we hide and suppress these childhood unacknowledged needs then the basis of all our future relationships will be determined by these unrequited needs and they become the unconscious motivations that drive us throughout our adult lives.

It is only by getting in touch with these lost needs that we can begin to discover those missing parts of ourselves. This is just the beginning to true "self discovery" that is, it is the beginning to discovering and becoming who we truly are so that, eventually, we can become who we are truly destined to be.

A fine book indeed.
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18 of 19 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An Important book on the way to self discovery 9 Aug 2007
By Aeneas
Format:Paperback
Alice Miller highlights in this book the importance of looking into one's own history in order to understand our psychological makeup and become free of behaviors that otherwise hinders us in being ourselves. I have come to understand irrational and debilitating aspects of my own behaviors, that stemmed from childhood traumas, and seen how these can be liberated once they are experienced emotionally. It is not done over night and not by just reading this book alone.

The book is however a great encouragement and at the same time through stories and examples gives an understanding of where to look and clues to some of the behaviors that previously were simply confusing and puzzling. I wished I had read this book 19 years ago, when I first encountered therapy as it would have been an added help in understanding the process that I had started on. Another powerful book on this subject is "The Narcissistic Family".

All in all a highly recommended book, as understanding the human 'machine' is vital in order to become free, as Gurdjieff would say.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Wow, just wow.
Without getting too deep I went to see a therapist as I was quite unhappy with various aspects of my personality and life. She told me to get this. Read more
Published 16 days ago by J. White
5.0 out of 5 stars Bought this for a gift
I have read this book myself many years ago and found great comfort in the words. My friend has recently started fostering children with social challenges and was sharing some of... Read more
Published 21 days ago by Saxon
5.0 out of 5 stars Take a look inside
She give food for thought and reveals how drama's start from an early age, enabling and empowering book. I like it very much!
Published 2 months ago by Sunny
5.0 out of 5 stars Very insightful
The book has many insights that were new for me. It does confront the reader with his or her own issues and I recognise a lot while reading this book. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Willeke
5.0 out of 5 stars Be true to your self
Powerful and moving. A lot of people - those in denial - may not get it. It is a challenge to parents and authority and in this society we are deeply conditioned not to question... Read more
Published 4 months ago by martart99
5.0 out of 5 stars A Classic!
A book every therapist, or abused child needs to read. This women (dead now) was criticised for her extreme views at the time, but there is so much to learn from what she says, a... Read more
Published 5 months ago by basketcase
5.0 out of 5 stars The truth is so simple but so difficult to accept in my arrogance
I loved that the author made the connection between the expression of repressed emotional trama and the healing process. Read more
Published 6 months ago by Emily
5.0 out of 5 stars WONDERFUL BOOK
I love this book it is clear and precise and an easy read, it is great for shedding light on the legacy of childhood, and what was missing and what needed to be there for a healthy... Read more
Published 6 months ago by Harriet Monaghan
4.0 out of 5 stars Thought provoking
The summary as written on line prepared one for this book. No great surprises. Enjoyable to read if this is your taste in literature
Published 7 months ago by pat neale
5.0 out of 5 stars My Quest
I read all of Miller's books back in the early part of the 90's. At that time I had embarked on 'my quest' to find the answers that I needed in order to make sense of my... Read more
Published 13 months ago by R. J. Krzak
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