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The New Don't Blame Mother: Mending the Mother-Daughter Relationship
 
 
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The New Don't Blame Mother: Mending the Mother-Daughter Relationship [Paperback]

Paula Caplan
5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)
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The New Don't Blame Mother: Mending the Mother-Daughter Relationship + When You and Your Mother Can't be Friends + Toxic Parents; Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
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Product details

  • Paperback: 320 pages
  • Publisher: Routledge; 2nd edition (11 May 2000)
  • Language English
  • ISBN-10: 0415926300
  • ISBN-13: 978-0415926300
  • Product Dimensions: 2.2 x 1.4 x 0.2 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 510,004 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Product Description

Review

"The best way to bond with your mother.."
-Self Magazine, July 2001

Product Description

In 1990, Paula Caplan, a nationally recognized expert on the psychology of women, wrote the groundbreaking Don't Blame Mother . Now, almost ten years later, she finds that we are still blaming mothers. Fully revised updated with a new introduction, this second edition prposes new ways of mending the mother-daughter relationship. The New Don't Blame Mother: Mending the Mother-Daughter Relationship shows us that dangerous myths about mothers pervade our culture and have created or aggravated many of the problems between mothers and daughters. Myths of the "Perfect Mother" give rise to impossible expectations and set mothers up for failure - good mothers don't get angry, good mothers are endlessly giving - and myths of the "Bad Mother" exaggerate mothers' failings and create a monster figure in her image-mothers are too needy, mothers can't let go. Caplan shows that if women can identify these myths then they can take concrete steps to build a strong and loving relationship with their mothers. The New Don't Blame Mother Shows how the anger and agony of the mother-daughter relationship can be replaced with a new bond based on understanding and respect. The New Don't Blame Mother is a must read for all mothers and daughters. Caplan, drawing on over twenty-five years of research, clinical practice, and the experience of workshop participants, will show you how to stop blaming mother and, instead, start loving her.

Inside This Book (Learn More)
First Sentence
You're reading a book called The New Don't Blame Mother, so chances are, no matter how sad, upset, or angry you are at your mother, you'd rather improve your relationship with her than simply stay upset. Read the first page
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
12 of 13 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
This book has skillfully and intelligently identified and described the "damned if I do and damned if I don't" situation in such detailed terms that I found myself being angry that such unfair treatment is meted out to people who try to do their best in circumstances that have been heavily weighted against them. And most of the time that women come under fire for being bad mothers the logic of the arguments used against them is so flawed that it is tragically obscene.

Caplan richly describes the emotional terrain of relationships in a way that could be applied to more than just the mother-daughter relationship.

What Caplan talks about is the insidious effect of role-stereotyping on the relationship between women, and in particular mothers and daughters, in our society. When you are in an abusive relationship this effect is magnified to the nth degree.

I came out of a physically abusive relationship about 10 years ago. During that long and unhappy marriage (25 years) I also gave birth to my daughter. All the time I was bringing my daughter up I had uneasy feelings that I was fighting some invisible enemy that was destroying my relationship with my daughter. This book has explained what I was up against, that, and also recent research on Maternal Alienation conducted in Australia, showed that in an abusive relationship the abuser is jealous of your relationship with your daughter, and seeks to control the situation by dividing you. My mother was witness to several occasions where my ex-husband belittled and denigrated me to my daughter.

Caplan is right that whatever women do, it is always regarded in a negative light. No credit is given for the work that mothers do in many difficult circumstances. Caplan also describes the uncanny premise that even though the husband/father is always hovering in the background like some anonymous ghost, all credit goes to the father.

This book should be required reading for all counsellors, psychotherapists who need to understand the bigger picture because nothing happens in a vacuum.
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Amazon.com:  4 reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
good reading 16 Feb 2011
By romy - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
For once someone isn't looking to scape goat the female parent as has always been done in the past. Yes, moms make mistakes but adult daughters need to stop listening to Fraudism entirely and always blaming mom for everything. Helps moms understand their kids better to. Good read
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
The New Don't Blame Mother Mending Mother-Daughter Relationship 17 Sep 2010
By gkirk214 - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
This is the best book I've read on healing the relationship with Mother-Daughter! Great Great Book! However, this book needs to have an additional book with a title for healing the Mother-Son relationship or Healing the Mother Daughter and Son relationship. Every Man and Son needs to read this book but they won't due to the title. We need to heal Son's as well as Daughter's relationship and stop the blamming toward the one who loved us the most. I hope the Author Paula Caplan gets this information as I have not found a way to contact her.
Thanks gail
1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
Excellent 26 Feb 2012
By Wendy R. Neugebauer - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
It just reaffirmed that what I am doing is the right thing! Great book, would recommend it to anyone wanting to have a better relationship with their daughter.
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