This book has skillfully and intelligently identified and described the "damned if I do and damned if I don't" situation in such detailed terms that I found myself being angry that such unfair treatment is meted out to people who try to do their best in circumstances that have been heavily weighted against them. And most of the time that women come under fire for being bad mothers the logic of the arguments used against them is so flawed that it is tragically obscene.
Caplan richly describes the emotional terrain of relationships in a way that could be applied to more than just the mother-daughter relationship.
What Caplan talks about is the insidious effect of role-stereotyping on the relationship between women, and in particular mothers and daughters, in our society. When you are in an abusive relationship this effect is magnified to the nth degree.
I came out of a physically abusive relationship about 10 years ago. During that long and unhappy marriage (25 years) I also gave birth to my daughter. All the time I was bringing my daughter up I had uneasy feelings that I was fighting some invisible enemy that was destroying my relationship with my daughter. This book has explained what I was up against, that, and also recent research on Maternal Alienation conducted in Australia, showed that in an abusive relationship the abuser is jealous of your relationship with your daughter, and seeks to control the situation by dividing you. My mother was witness to several occasions where my ex-husband belittled and denigrated me to my daughter.
Caplan is right that whatever women do, it is always regarded in a negative light. No credit is given for the work that mothers do in many difficult circumstances. Caplan also describes the uncanny premise that even though the husband/father is always hovering in the background like some anonymous ghost, all credit goes to the father.
This book should be required reading for all counsellors, psychotherapists who need to understand the bigger picture because nothing happens in a vacuum.