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The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships (Perennial Library) [Paperback]

PhD Goldhor Lerner Harriet
4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (46 customer reviews)

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The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships 4.8 out of 5 stars (46)
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Book Description

Aug 1989 Perennial Library
Written as a guide for all women, regardless of age, background or life experience showing how they can turn their anger into a constructive force for changing their lives. The author, a psychotherapist, draws on a decade of clinical investigatiion as well as recent findings in psychoanalytic theory, to show how and why anger so often prolongs rather than challenges existing harmful dynamics in relationships. She provides specific strategies for making meaningful and lasting changes in important relationships with friends, family and lovers.
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Frequently Bought Together

The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships (Perennial Library) + The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships + The Dance of Fear: Rising Above the Anxiety, Fear, and Shame to Be Your Best and Bravest Self
Buy the selected items together


Product details

  • Paperback: 256 pages
  • Publisher: HarperPerennial; Reissue edition (Aug 1989)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 006091565X
  • ISBN-13: 978-0060915650
  • Product Dimensions: 20.4 x 13.6 x 1.7 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (46 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 900,825 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Product Description

Review

‘A careful and compassionate exploration of women’s anger.’ SUSIE ORBACH
‘An inspirational book.’ RELATE NEWS
‘Provides a whole new way of looking at your problems. A good investment.’ Amazon reader, 2001

--This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.

From the Back Cover

Do you find yourself always fighting with your nearest and dearest, distancing yourself through silence, or blaming others for the failure of your relationships?

For so many women anger is a destructive force which perpetuates all the harmful dynamics of our most intimate relationships. In this classic, inspirational book, renowned feminist psychotherapist Harriet G. Lerner shows how all women, regardless of age, background or experience, can turn anger into a constructive force.

Focusing largely on the family, 'The Dance of Anger' provides the reader with the insights and practical skills to stop behaving in the old predictable ways and to begin to use anger to establish a more positive approach to significant relationships.

"An inspirational book"
RELATE NEWS

--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Inside This Book (Learn More)
First Sentence
"Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to." Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
60 of 61 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An excellent read for anyone, not just women. 2 Jan 2002
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
If you're wondering why you're going round in circles, repeating the same mistakes in close relationships with men and women, family and friends, then this book will help you find the reasons. It explains, with real-life examples, some of the ways in which we all end up hanging onto old ways of dealing with and responding to loved ones, even though we know these old ways do not work, or make us happy.
I borrowed this from my local library, on the advice of my Relate counsellor, and enjoyed it so much that I'm buying it for reference.
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14 of 14 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Works like magic! 1 Jun 2009
Format:Paperback
Unlike some other self-help books this one treats anger as a tool of self-development and an opportunity to learn more about yourself. It does not teach you to control your anger, quite the opposite, it says that one has a right to feel the emotions that one experiences without feeling guilty about it. It teaches that you cannot control the others or their feelings and opinions. This is the first very helpful lesson I learnt. Trying controlling others is what often makes you even angrier. According to the author, your anger is your own problem, and you simply cannot rely on others to sort it out for you. If you are unhappy with someone, it is your responsibilty to make a decision (ranging from "I can live with it" or "This is unacceptable - this will have to change"), think of acceptable changes and folow the through. She sees all relationship as "dances", where if you want to change your usual "steps" and break the circle, you will have to realise that it will inevitably affect your partner, which might result in him/her also changing their "steps". She does warn also that it may result in them stopping the "dance" altogether - i.e. stopping the relationship. This book will help you to gain insight into what YOU really want.

Another good advice is never make important decisions or argue your case when you are hurt or angry. At this moment you are very vulnerable and confused and probably will not be able to communicate your feelings to others.

Wonderful book - worked like magic with my partner! Everyone should read it - it is not just for women! Full of examples, which when you read, you go "OMG, this is SO about me!".

Please, please, please - read this book! It's very insightful and (mostly) positive!
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10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The Dance of Anger 11 Mar 2010
By Mrs
Format:Paperback
I read this book at a time when I seemed to be losing my temper constantly with those who I love the most. Something had to be done. I bought this book under the impression it would teach me to control my temper. It doesn't. What it does teach is where the anger comes from, how and why relationships settle into repetitive patterns (how many couples fight over the same thing over and over again?) and most importantly how to direct your anger into something far more positive. The lesson that the only person you can change is yourself is obvious and yet one I had never fully understood until I read this book.
It is emotionally demanding to read, especially when I recognised some less than attractive traits in myself. There are no magic "how to's" and no guarantees other than it takes time, energy and patience. However I understand myself and my partner so much better now. We argue less destructively, far less frequently and I feel more empowered than I have done in a long time. I would recommend this book to everyone.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars mind blowing 3 July 2009
Format:Paperback
The Dance of Anger was a revelation within the first few pages I recognised myself-some of it I found difficult to accept but it spoke the truth- it was a real eye opener.I learnt so much from it about myself and more importantly ways to resolve years of unresolved issues-Instead of trying to change those close to us its time to accept what we cant change and change how we approach things.I would recommend it wholeheartedly Jean Derby England
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36 of 38 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Everyone can learn somerthing from this book 2 April 2001
Format:Paperback
This book is really great.. it provides a whole new way of looking at your problems. We all have problems getting on with someone or other and this book helps you use that problem to teach you how to start behaving in a new way which will redefine the relationship. It is also helpful to make you realise how you might be contributing to other people's problems with getting along with you. The core of it is to respect your needs. It's not about compromising in order to smooth a relationship. Easy to read and although aimed at women it is useful for everyone. Even if you're not that angry it goes beyond using anger and can be genrealised into using many types of emotional reactions in clarifying your real feelings. A good investment.
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41 of 44 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
This book explains how to say things in a very different way, a way that turns a power struggle into something very much more positive. Although it is written by a woman with women in mind, I feel that men would gain a lot by reading it. If one follows her advice, and maybe 'rehearses' the phrases she recommends, then a difficult relationship - with no matter who - can be changed. Not of course necessarily perfected, but it would certainly stop the distructive way in which a relationship can develop. It also helps one realise the negative way in which our anger can destroy not only relationships, but ourselves. Do buy this book.
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17 of 18 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An excellent read for anyone, not just women. 2 Jan 2002
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
If you're wondering why you're going round in circles, repeating the same mistakes in close relationships with men and women, family and friends, then this book will help you find the reasons. It explains, with real-life examples, some of the ways in which we all end up hanging onto old ways of dealing with and responding to loved ones, even though we know these old ways do not work, or make us happy.
I borrowed this from my local library, on the advice of my Relate counsellor, and enjoyed it so much that I'm buying it for reference.
Comment | 
Was this review helpful to you?
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars A fantastic practical guide to deal with Anger
Only half way through reading this book at the moment but, already, I have learned so much that will help in my close relationships. Read more
Published 4 hours ago by Melissa Butterfly
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
educational!
Published 2 months ago by M. Koxvold
5.0 out of 5 stars Life-changing insights
This book is full of potentially life-changing insights, delivered in the form of easy-to-follow case studies and discussions. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Rachael Durrant
4.0 out of 5 stars Four Stars
very useful
Published 2 months ago by DPR
5.0 out of 5 stars Came highly recommended
After first chapter gave it to my pal to read so haven't actually read it all, but every little helps
Published 2 months ago by Onslo
5.0 out of 5 stars helpful
good book. really helpful
Published 3 months ago by tina hiatt
5.0 out of 5 stars asserting and loving
An honest, fair view and excellent examples of the habits relationships fall into. Reading this during a breakup, a falling out, an argument or any repetitive inter relationship... Read more
Published 3 months ago by Mr. S. Tomlin
5.0 out of 5 stars Really useful read!
Easy to read, highly relevant to any woman, amazing book. I will be recommending it to quite a few friends.
Published 4 months ago by Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing book
Very deep, helps me a lot in understanding anger management. Brilliant examples, clear writing, good points. Thank you, Harriet Lerner!
Published 5 months ago by Anna Sotnik
5.0 out of 5 stars excellent book
very good book I think everyone should read it, it can answer a lot of things about ourselves. Even though it says it is a womans guide I think a lot of men would find it very... Read more
Published 5 months ago by Amazon Customer
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