The Conqueror (John Wayne) [DVD]

"The Conqueror" made in 1955 was produced by Howard Hughes and directed by Dick Powell. It starred John Wayne as Temujin, better known by his later name of Genghis Khan. The film was locked away in the vaults of Howard Hughes who owned the RKO studio who financed this film, and was not shown on American TV until 1974. It is easy to see why it was locked away. Together with "Ice Station Zebra" it was said to be the most watched film of Howard Hughes, which might say more about his state of mind than the quality of the film. The film has to be a strong contender for cinemas unintentionally funniest film of all time. John Wayne has also appeared in a couple of other good contenders. He was an American Consul General in 1850s Japan in John Hustons "The Barbarian and the Geisha"(58), where he was a sort of Gulliver amongst the Lilliputians. In George Stevens life of Christ "The Greatest Story ever Told"(65), he was the Centurion whose deeply American brogue was rather distracting during the crucifixion scene. Good contenders, but I believe this has a greater claim to the title.

A film about a man of humble origins who conquers most of the known world and engages in numerous pitched battles should be a sure fire winner. So what went wrong, or right should I say. Well Wayne turns up costumed in fur with a spikey hat. His eyes are slightly taped up and on his mouth is a very droopy Walrus moustache. Wayne's voice is so deeply American that his efforts seem doomed from the start. It is hard to stop giggling at his appearance.

We then have some of cinemas most immortal camp lines. The opening is a classic. Temujin on a hill observes a passing caravan with Bortai the feisty daughter of a Tartar chief, played by the beautiful Susan Hayward, (not very tartar looking it must be said) reclining on a pile of cushions in a contraption that has been likened to the Albert Memorial and Brighton pier. Someone observes "She is a woman - Much woman" Wayne adds "I feel this Tartar woman is for me. My blood says, take her", and so he does. But Bortai is no shrinking violet and offers some lively resistence even swinging a sword at him, and snarls "For me there is no ease while you live, Mongol!" Wayne's admiration is obvious " You're bewdiful in your wrath", which I guess is another way of saying " You are beautiful when you're mad".
Wayne certainly demonstrates a knowledge of feminine ways and tells Bortai "You're hatred will kindle into passion". And kindle it he did with flattery such as "All other women are like the second pressing of the grape". Words like these could not fail to hit their mark and the smitten Bortai exclaims "I am consumed with want of him".

The film is visually impressive, filmed as it was in the impressive Utah desert locations. Pedro Armendariz who appeared with Wayne in Ford's "Three Godfathers" in 1948 plays Jamujah, Waynes blood brother. Lee Van Cleef is also in there somewhere, although I am sure he was later glad of the heavy disguise. John Wayne made a rare trip to London for the premiere which goes to prove he had as much courage off screen as on. Although Genghis Khan is not remembered in history for his sense of humour, I believe if he were alive and was able to watch this he might well die again of laughter. Like those old Japanese Godzilla movies "The Conqueror" deserves a cult status. I have given it 5 stars as I believe it to be one of the funniest films ever made. It has already deservedly scooped a Golden Turkey award. It deserves to be a cult classic.

John Wayne fans please note that I am also a big fan, but I think even he would admit he was not best suited to this part!! At the time of this review it is probably a smarter buy to purchase as part of the "Historical Epics" DVD, where you will find it alongside such classics as "Gladiator", "Barabbas" and "Spartacus". Worth considering!

"The Conqueror" has great production values. Apparently, everyone's favorite eccentric millionaire/filmmaker, Howard Hughes, thought this would be a smashing success. I recently watched "Genghis Khan" (1965) with Omar Sharif, and thought that film suffered from miscasting (James Mason as a Chinese for example). But that's nothing compared to the casting of John Wayne as the mongol warrior. Did anyone, even Hughes, ever think that was a good idea? Believe you me, this role was more than even the Duke could chew (apparently even Wayne later said he wasn't suited for the role). But it's not just Wayne's and the casting director's fault that the movie is a stinker. The dialogue is so bad it has to be seen (or heard) to be believed. Our great warrior hero Temujin/Genghis Khan (Wayne) shows all the intellect and charisma of a caveman ("I stole you. I will keep you. Before the sun sets you will come willingly to my arms!"). As an epic adventure, "The Conqueror" is really, really bad. But if you're looking for some campy entertainment, all of the flaws, the miscasting and ridiculous dialogue, could be regarded as qualities. It has some slow stretches where not much happens but "The Conqueror" certainly is offers quite a unique viewing experience. I'll let you decide if you think that's good or bad, for you.

I collect films that are so bad they are good or funny. This is funny although the research was well done for costumes etc. John Wayne drawling all American hero as Temujin is great. Only shame was that the bit of desert used was contaminated by the dirtiest nuclear test in US mainland history only a while before filming. Many of the cast and crew subsequently died from cancers so you just don't know if this film helped do them in.