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The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It -- And Mean It and Stop People-pleasing Forever: 200 Ways to Say It -- and Mean It and Stop People-pleasing Forever Paperback – 1 Jan 2006

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Product details

  • Paperback: 224 pages
  • Publisher: McGraw-Hill Contemporary (1 Jan. 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0071460780
  • ISBN-13: 978-0071460781
  • Product Dimensions: 13.7 x 1.4 x 20.8 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 509,371 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Product Description

From the Back Cover

"This book will free you. It is one of the most liberating, empowering, and practical topics I've seen . . . and Susan Newman does a masterful job bringing it home."
--Joseph Grenny, New York Times bestselling coauthor of Crucial Confrontations

"The skill of saying 'no' is essential for a life of freedom and dignity. Dr. Newman's book, through a series of carefully analyzed examples, teaches that skill."
-- Herbert Fensterheim, Ph.D., coauthor of Don't Say Yes When You Want to Say No

Overscheduled? Overworked? Overburdened?
Get the "No-How" you need to take back your life

Refusing someone is rarely easy and is often downright uncomfortable. But constantly giving in creates anxiety, anger, added stress, regret, and feelings of powerlessness.

Bestselling author Dr. Susan Newman helps you break your debilitating "yes" habit with her simple techniques, scenarios, and insights. Tackling family, friends, coworkers, and even pushy salespeople, The Book of No helps you

  • Recognize when someone is manipulating you into saying "yes"
  • Avoid being socially overcommitted, and put an end to feelings of resentment, anger, and guilt
  • Get more enjoyment out of the time you make for friends and family
  • Establish boundaries and be more focused and effective at work

About the Author

Susan Newman, Ph.D., a social psychologist, is the author of thirteen relationship and parenting books, including Parenting an Only Child, Little Things Long Remembered, and Nobody's Baby Now. Visit Dr. Newman's website at

Inside This Book

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First Sentence
The very definition of friend makes saying no to one extremely difficult. Read the first page
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Customer Reviews

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Flick Lawrance on 29 Dec. 2012
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I love this book! It is just what some of us need to kick stark our assertiveness and stop feeling guilty for catering to our own needs. I am a natural pushover but this book has motivated me to find my 'NO' and not be afraid to use it when necessary. The situations are a bit Americanised and do assume the reader is rather amazing, however the underlying message can still be understood. Thanks! Very motivational!
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By SARAH on 26 July 2014
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I thought that this book was very tedious to read, the scenarios are all very similiar and after a while the responses are the same. When I purchased this book I thought it would have a more psychological side to it and be interesting as well as motivating.

Unfortunately i didn't gain anything from this book.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Practical ways to say NO, had it for a couple of weeks has already got me out of a few very time consuming favours absoloytely brilliant of you have a hard time saying no when a favour is asked.
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By mark stocks on 14 Feb. 2015
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Thanks amazon another great buy
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on (beta) 54 reviews
36 of 39 people found the following review helpful
Contradictory advice which is rarely useful 25 Jan. 2006
By Neil M. Stewart - Published on
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I'm skeptical whenever I see a book get rave reviews then one lone poor review, but there are some things about this book I wish I knew before I bought it.

The book is heavily gender biased. It is no secret that men and women communicate differently, which is fine; but when I bought this book after reading the back cover and hearing about it on msn's news highlights I was expecting general advice which couls be helpful to all. Instead the book seems to be more based on interactions from and with women. A direct quote, "You are dieting and planned a yogurt to get you through dinner....", another quote "We're having a baby shower for Ellen..... You'll be there, right?"

I don't mind the gender specific situations so much, as they can be applied to different situations, but even the advice seems skewed to the more feminine trait of being liked rather than assertive, which gets to my real beef with the book; IT CONTRADICTS ITSELF. The introduction warns that you should say "No" and be assertive wihtout making excuses or lying. Instead of discussing how to be assertive while at the same time being social; the book goes on to provide situations and the corresponding way to say no, most of which are lies or excuses. I don't have time... I wish I would but.... It's impossible for me to do now...I told Amy I'd do that with her.... Just saying no and sticking to your guns is hardly ever mentioned. Other solutins in the book involve leaving things open ended "I'll have to see..." or compromisng on something you know you don't want to do in the first place, "I'll do the planning but someone else has to do the lunches" (loose quote I couldn't find it again).

If you still think you want to read this book, go to the library.
16 of 18 people found the following review helpful
Great resource for treading the NO waters 3 Aug. 2006
By Meryl K. Evans - Published on
Format: Paperback
We all know someone who, like Oklahoma's Ado Annie, just "cain't say no." These folks accept every project. Every volunteer job. While everyone around them loves and appreciates them (or not), they're often tired and do little for themselves. Some people who fall into this group may not even realize they're on automated mode when agreeing to help.

The Book of No contains 250 scenarios and how to handle them so that you say no. Before the entering the bulk of the book that contains the scenarios, Newman covers five basics to get you started with this No business as well as a 16-point No Credo to remind you that you have the right to say no. Saying no is a learned skill, and the scenarios can help the yes-person develop the courage to say no.

Each scenario poses a question or statement followed by three parts:

* What's going on here? - Explains the situation and possible motives.

* Response - How to respond so the answer ends in a No.</li>

* Alert - A warning to help you the next time you get into the situation or contains insight so you better understand what's going on.

A person who has the courage to say no may feel terrible and guilty afterward. The scenarios don't simply advise saying no, but instead provide honest and guilt-free responses. For example, someone at work asks if you're available for lunch on certain days. The response, "Thanks for including me, but I can't squeeze another thing into my crammed schedule this week."

The scenarios are grouped into four areas for quick referencing: friends, family, work, and difficult people, which include situations with sales people and those who provide services.

The book concludes with a bulleted list of key lessons to provide reinforcement to keep you focused on the road to accomplishing more of what you want and less of what others want. The brief introduction and conclusion with the well-sorted scenarios in between make the book a great tool for people who need support in their journey to say no.
10 of 11 people found the following review helpful
Saying Yes Too Often Can Get You In Trouble 25 Jan. 2006
By Elaine - Published on
Format: Paperback
I just read all the other reviews and I think I have to say "NO" to the reviewer who said this book is gender biased. My husband read this book before me and thought it was very well organized with a creative format and helpful to him (and he does not have a serious problem with saying NO). I do have the problem of knowing how & when to say NO and mean it. This book covers interactions with family members, friends, co workers and bosses and applies to men as well as women.

As a result of reading this book, I have started to become much more focused on how I need to spend my time and energy, so saying I am sorry, I am overwhelmed with commitments right now has gotten much easier.

Thanks to Dr. Newman, I am much less stressed about saying NO, which gives me the time to work on things that are improtant to me and my family.
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
YES! for THE BOOK OF NO! 29 Nov. 2005
By Pamela C. Swallow - Published on
Format: Paperback
Dr. Newman's book is terrific!

Boy oh boy, do I ever wish I'd read it before I got snagged into doing a job that I never wanted to do. I was a wuss to have been so coerced. And now I feel "taken" and irked. Had I read THE BOOK OF NO a week ago, I would have known how to avoid such a situation. Henceforth, I shall be stronger. This is a book for all those who say "yes" too easily.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
Practical , well written and relevant for many 17 Mar. 2006
By Ruth Hague - Published on
Format: Paperback
Unlike many other "how to" books, I found this book well written and useful. You don't have to wade through too much verbose and overblown prose. The book gets right to the point and you can find specific answers to many everyday situations. I actaully plan to buy this for several of my friends, , who like myself, complain about taking on too much but never get to the point where we can say no and not feel guilty.
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