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The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships: Breaking Free of Exploitative Relationships

The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships: Breaking Free of Exploitative Relationships [Kindle Edition]

Patrick Carnes Ph.D.
4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)

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Product Description

Product Description

Exploitive relationships can create trauma bonds--chains that link a victim to someone who is dangerous to them. Divorce, employee relations, litigation of any type, incest and child abuse, family and marital systems, domestic violence, hostage negotiations, kidnapping, professional exploitation and religious abuse are all areas of trauma bonding. All these relationships share one thing: they are situations of incredible intensity or importance where there is an exploitation of trust or power.

In The Betrayal Bond Patrick Carnes presents an in-depth study of these relationships, why they form, who is most susceptible, and how they become so powerful. He shows how to recognize when traumatic bonding has occurred and gives a checklist for examining relationships. He then provides steps to safely extricate from these relationships.

This is a book you will turn to again and again for inspiration and insight, while professionals will find it an invaluable reference work.


Offers exercises and advice on breaking the cycle of trauma and overcoming the crippling effects of abusive relationships.

Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 2518 KB
  • Print Length: 250 pages
  • Publisher: HCI; 1 edition (1 Jan 2010)
  • Sold by: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B004FN1S5O
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #46,619 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
The title of this book put me off initially as I thought that it could not possibly have any relevance to my life or experiences. Of course I was wrong, the book is great, it is clear and has lots of true life scenarios. It is quite heavy going because of the complexity of exploitative relationships but it makes so much sense. I really am starting to see patterns and links within my romantic relationships and am starting to feel equipped to face new partnerships with knowledge, confidence and a sense of enlightenment. I would highly recommend.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars breaking free from exploitive relationships 1 Feb 2013
By Cee Jay
The preferred form of the adjective meaning tending to make use of selfishly (exploit) is exploitative, not exploitive. This grammatical error needled me every time I came across it in the book, which was often.

I may have read too many of these self-help books now, I'm losing patience with them. This one is heavy on questionnaires and form-filling.

One thing I found of use from this book was the recognition that I do have PTSD, or at least a sign of it: I dread the phrase"can I have a word?"
For no reason, I freeze, panic, and assume I'm in some terrible trouble. I now realise this is because it was a favoured tactic of abusive bosses: to get me into their office, with a closed door, and then subject me to quite horrible & personal shouted abuse, on the pretext of "having a word". These meetings weren't constructive, they weren't designed to improve my performance, they were used to humiliate me and batter me into being submissive to the abuser.
To this day, 15 years after the last episode, I still have that terrible, stomach-dropping feeling of being in awful trouble if somebody says "can I just have a word with you?". I feel like a naughty child again, even though I'm more than middle-aged now.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
I decided to buy this book as it does not take the traditional victim-hood paradigm that creates the ideal scenario for perpetual violation. This book says NO to abuse and abusive individuals by giving readers the courage to break the bonds of emotional and physical oppression. It does this by encouraging the reader to examine themselves and find out what attracts predators their way through vulnerability and learned behaviour. The Betrayal Bond examines our social structure and its effect on the the way we pacify and excuse negative behaviour patterns.

I highly recommend this book!
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Way off line 9 July 2013
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
This book is not well written. He believes the problem is an addiction rather than the complex issue of abuse. I could not read all of it as it was so glibly written. He does not know his subject area. I hated it.
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14 of 15 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
As we've come to expect from his previous cutting edge books, Dr Carnes integrates a good blend of theory and practicality in his writing. In The Betrayal Bond the author first establishes the basis for seeing how and when relationships become and stay exploitive, and what is required to break the cycle of abuse toward healing. A REFRESHING ADVANTAGE of this book is that nearly half of it is dedicated to sequencing concrete steps for identifying problems and change on a path of awareness, action, recovery, and hope. This book, therefore, stands to be very helpful to the consultant and victim, the practioner and patient in charting a way of understanding, identifying specific goals, and marking progress toward achieving them.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely Outstanding 1 April 2013
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
As a psychologist, I have read hundreds of books. As a human who has struggled all his life I wish I had come across this one far sooner. For anyone who is unhappy in a relationship, yet cannot walk away, this book will provide answers and practical help. It goes way beyond co-dependency and explains why tragically survivors of child abuse are very likely to end up in painful adult relationships and more importantly what to do about it.. It is without doubt the most incredible book I have ever read. Good work Patrick, you are a class act and thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars An Informative and Helpful Book 15 Nov 2011
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
I've yet to finish this book but i'm moving through it very quickly which is always a good sign. I've felt uncomfortable when reading many parts of it as i recognised myself within several of the situations talked about within the book. I don't feel working from a book alone with any kind of abuse that someone has experienced is a good thing and the book itself suggests further help, but for anyone who has explored the subject matter in other areas will find this one of the most informative books at least i've certainly read. Be prepared to confront some painful issues within your life that you may have experienced that will bring up distressing thoughts, but it is an excellent book and if used with getting further help from a professional source, i would certainly recommend it.
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Popular Highlights

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Seduction always relies on the victim’s willingness to trust again. In betrayal bonds, the victim prefers the story over facts, behaviors and results. &quote;
Highlighted by 76 Kindle users
Loyalty to that which does not work, or worse, to a person who is toxic, exploitive or destructive to you, is a form of insanity. &quote;
Highlighted by 72 Kindle users
Trauma survivors can be extremely naive even while being vigilant. Their discernment and common sense have been impaired by living with secrets, denial, deception and exploitation. &quote;
Highlighted by 68 Kindle users

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