The Angry Red Planet [VHS]

Sid Pink's "Angry Red Planet" was a delight when it came out four decades ago and it's still great fun to watch. In a day when low-budget SF flicks were all in black and white, this ruby-hued gem was dazzling, filmed in "Cinemagic" - a kind of solarized and red-tinted film processing gimmick. So boost the color control on your TV to the max and get your retinas scorched the way audiences did in 1960. Sid Pink's pics tend to the bizarre - "Bwana Devil", "Reptilicus", "The Man From O.R.G.Y." and of course the camp Hans Conried classic "The Twonky" about an alien TV set that takes over a geek's household. This film is no exception. This time four astronauts land on Mars, only to find they are unwelcome. Armed only with a sonic ray gun named Cleopatra -- "because she's such a cool doll" -- our intrepid quartet must fight off a meat-eating plant with a yen for red-haired Irish-American exo-biologists, a 40-foot-tall bat-rat-spider drooling over a goateed, pipe-smoking professor, and a one-eyed blob the size of a mountain that wants to devour their spaceship with everybody in it. All the while they are ogled by three-eyed, two-horned Martians with an attitude problem. Hand-painted sets, puppet monsters, beatnik dialogue, nothing but red as far as the eye can see, and a jazz xylophone score - hey, daddy-oh, this is like coolsville.

If you visited the cinema in the 1950s and into the 1960s, then you were acutely aware outer space was crawling with all kinds of voracious, hideous space creatures and hostile alien types waiting eagerly to decimate and/or devour any intrepid Earthlings foolishly willing to venture out into the great unknown, as illustrated in the film The Angry Red Planet (1960). Given these apparent dangers, it's a wonder we ever found anyone with guts enough to go into space...co-written by Sidney W. Pink (Reptilicus, Journey to the Seventh Planet) and Ib Melchior (The Time Travelers), the latter also directing here, the film features Gerald Mohr (Invasion USA), Naura Hayden ("Bonanza"), Les Tremayne (The Monolith Monsters), and Jack Kruschen, who was nominated for an Academy Award around the same time for his role in the film The Apartment (1960)...kinda hard to believe after seeing him here...

At the outset we find ourselves among some gooberment bigwigs...turns out a manned spaceship sent to Mars, once lost, has since been found (drifting in orbit around Mars), and the decision is made to bring it home by remote control. Since there's been no communication with the ship, the fate of the four-person crew is questionable. Once returned to Earth, there appear two survivors, one Dr. Iris Ryan (Hayden), who's in a severe state of shock, and the other not identified as he's got some nasty space fungus, and is quarantined quickly (perhaps they should have just remote detonated the ship rather than bring it back to Earth...oh well, too late now). The computer tapes are blank, so the only answers have to come from Dr. Ryan as to the fate of the mission, which takes us into a lengthy flashback. Time to meet your Mars crew...there's the navigator/pilot Colonel Thomas O'Bannion (Mohr), a manly sort with the swagger and chest hair to prove it, Dr. Iris Ryan, the definite looker of the bunch, Professor Theodore Gettell (Tremayne), the obvious brainiac sporting the prerequisite goatee and pipe, and finally the odious, idiotic, ethnic comic relief named Sam `Sammy' Jacobs, the electronics expert, hailing from where else? Brooklyn, of course...anyway, after a lengthy bit of space travel, our plucky adventurers finally arrive and discover the `red' planet is really pink (no foolin'). The surface seems devoid of intelligent life, but there are plenty of hungry, carnivorous plants. As the professor ponders his sense of dread regarding the possibility of some sort of community mind in control of the planet, Tom puts the make on Iris, Iris endangers herself needlessly a few times requiring Tom to save her, and Sammy pitches woo to his sonic freeze cannon due to its propensity to get them out of jams (seriously...he names it Cleopatra and kisses numerous times...get a room you weirdo). Things get nasty as various native creatures, including a rather large rat/bat/spider/crab creature and a ginormous, googly-eyed amoeba-like snot monster threatens to eat the crew, and a mysterious force field prevents them from taking off...

Perhaps the worst/best line from this film occurs after the rocket lands on Mars and the crew is deciding on their course of action. Sammy chimes in with this doozy..."Well, should we go out and claim the planet in the name of Brooklyn?" Yeah, go ahead, dude, and don't bother putting on your spacesuit...The Angry Red Planet, released by American International Pictures, is perhaps the epitome of shoddy science fiction films, featuring cardboard characters, lousy dialog, rotten acting, cheapie sets, low rent special effects, and scads of pseudo science...so why should anyone want to see it? Because it's a big, steaming load of fun. I think my favorite character was Colonel Thomas O'Bannion, played by Gerald Mohr, who came off as a low rent Humphrey Bogart type, with a propensity for hiking his leg up on whatever was available, and leaning on his knee. I mean really, this is just a cool way to talk to people, having your goodies splayed out right in everyone's face. For some reason, the buttons on his shirts never seemed to work properly, as often he can be seen running around bare-chested, displaying his fine man chest rug (eat yer heart out David Hasselhoff). His abilities as a commander were questionable, as often his orders would go unheeded by the others. One thing's for sure, he was always on the make, continually hitting on Iris, regardless the situation (hey, when the ratio is three dudes to one woman, you gotta lay your claim early and often). Nowadays that kind of continual attention would probably be labeled harassment, but back then, it was, well, harassment...as far as the special effects, they're pretty substandard, as I already mentioned, but they do have their charms, and no doubt made quite an impression on younger viewers who witnessed this feature around the time of its release. The main effect occurs once the crew ventures onto the surface of Mars, for the purpose of exploring. There's a heavy, pink, Pepto-Bismol polarized tint, one that seems kinda cool for about five minutes, but then wears thin quickly, inducing a gradual ache in the noggin. If you dig on obvious matte painting backgrounds, you'll be in heaven here as there are scads of them, some decent, some not. As far as the creatures, I thought they were pretty decent considering, as I'm sure that large rat/bat/spider/crab monster would have scared the hell out of me if I was all of ten years old. The huge beastie that came out of the lake was a bit more impressive, its menacing qualities offset slightly by its crazy, google eye. I loved the fact it was just some gigantic, unstoppable mass that, with little provocation, charged after the crew, chasing them all the way back to their rocket, to which it then just glommed on to the ship in an effort to feed on the fleshy contents. All in all this is pretty much a thrown together effort, shot in less than ten days for a minimal budget, but one that does entertain. I'd take this over the slew of direct to video CGI laden junk currently littering the home video landscape.

The picture, presented in fullscreen (1.33:1), looks decent, but I did notice a slight graininess throughout. There was a frame or two missing, and the master print did exhibit some slight wear and tear. The Dolby Digital mono audio comes through very well. As far as extras, there isn't much, only an original theatrical trailer.

Cookieman108

Absolute love. I barely remember seeing this movie when I was little on a Sunday afternoon. The rat-bat-spidermajigger sent me into my moms arms and under the blankets. Now I'm 33 and I just finished watching the dvd from MGM. The sound, print, and color are all fantastic! MGM is pretty consistant. If you are anal about your dvds then fear not. The movie itself is a hoot. Hollywood is still recycling this plot over and over, monthly it seems. Sci-Fi formula: A Bunch of dudes and one "token" (usually a girl but sometimes an ethnic) zoom off into space and find something spooky. In the 50's it only took 80 minutes to do this, now it takes 2.5 hrs (always with about 30 minutes of 'space' footage filler). The bottom line, If you dig theremin laced moody exotica soundtracks, creepy aliens, foxy 50's bombshells in tight space-suits, and wise-cracking jugheads (ala McHale's
Navy) then this is your flick. A bargain at twice the price.