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Tell Him He's Pele: The Greatest Collection of Humorous Football Quotations Ever! [Paperback]

Phil Shaw
4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
Price: £10.99 & FREE Delivery in the UK. Details
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Book Description

27 May 2010

My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about seven - David Beckham

For Tony to admit he is an alcoholic took an awful lot of bottle - Ian Wright on Tony Adams

I've been playing in a golf day for a boy seriously injured in a car accident. I had to drive like a lunatic to get here - Ray Houghton, TalkSport football pundit, on why he was late on-air

Reporter: What would you be if you weren't a footballer?

Peter Crouch: A virgin.

I've never been so certain about anything in my life. I want to be a coach. Or a manager. I'm not sure which - Phil Neville

Footballers may not be known for their profound insights, but it seems no one in the game is above a mixed metaphor or confused cliché. From Harry Redknapp to Martin O'Neill, Patrice Evra to Jason McAteer, see the funny side of the beautiful game with this hilarious collection of verbal own goals. Packed full of hilarious quotes, quips and misfires from the biggest names in football, Tell Him He's Pele is a must for everyone with a sense of humour.


Frequently Bought Together

Tell Him He's Pele: The Greatest Collection of Humorous Football Quotations Ever! + The Big Book of Football's Funniest Quotes + One Ginger Pele!: Football's Funniest Songs and Chants
Price For All Three: £22.99

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Product details

  • Paperback: 320 pages
  • Publisher: Ebury Press (27 May 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0091935970
  • ISBN-13: 978-0091935979
  • Product Dimensions: 19.8 x 15 x 2.5 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 431,598 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Product Description

Review

"An essential work whose previous offerings have entered the lore and language of the game." --"Simon Barnes, The Times"

About the Author

When not skulking around football grounds and press conferences in search of funny quotes, Phil Shaw is a freelance sports writer with 30 years' experience on national newspapers. He reports on football for the Daily Telegraph, Guardian, Independent and Scotland on Sunday, having previously written for the Observer and Time Out. He has also compiled The Book of Football Quotations since its first edition in 1984, originally in collaboration with Peter Ball. Phil lives in Staffordshire with his wife Julie, tons of old vinyl and an unhealthy amount of Leeds United memorabilia.

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Customer Reviews

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Tell Him He's A Very Funny Quotes Compiler 7 Nov 2010
Format:Kindle Edition
As a fan of Phil Shaw's writing, I can assure you that he can find something interesting to write even during a nil-nil draw in some obscure, godforsaken, lower-league hellhole. And, more likely than not, something funny. Shaw has a good eye for telling detail - but an even better ear for the absurd. He puts this funny ear to good use in this brilliant compilation of football quotes. We all know players, managers, chairmen, commentators and pundits say stupid things. I have, occasionally, frequented a live TV studio and blurted out something stupid myself. Nothing as stupid, of course, as TalkSport's Ray Houghton's explanation for being late: "I've been playing in a golf day for a boy seriously injured in a car accident. I had to drive like a lunatic to get here."
There are many more where that came from. If you are a devotee of Private Eye's 'Colemanballs' - which, some issues, is almost entirely devoted to footballers' mixed metaphors and confused cliches - you will be familiar with this genre. But Shaw is a fan of all football humour, whether deliberate or accidental. He is keen to display the players' wit as much as their Malapropite tendencies. On being asked what he would be if he weren't a footballer, for example, Peter Crouch once answered: "A virgin." Crouchy's great rival as a (Groucho) Marxist is Gordon Strachan. "A quick word, Gordon?" "Velocity." Poor old Strach's dry sarcasm got him in trouble at his last two clubs - Celtic and Middlesbrough. Up in Teeside, they weren't laughing when he told a journalist he would "take drugs, and drink and smoke" to deal with the pressure of management. Two weeks later, he was a goner.
As a frequenter of press conferences, I take my hat off to the wee man.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Footballers Say The Strangest Things 17 Jun 2010
Format:Paperback
This is real toilet humour - in the nicest possible sense. Keep a copy in the smallest room in the house and listen to the guffaws from everyone who enters. They're all there - the old ones, some new ones, the wry, the unintended, the downright stupid, lots of Brian Clough and Bobby Robson. Then there's the classic from Gordon Milne, when Leicester manager - `If someone in the crowd spits at you, you've just got to swallow it.' Yuk! At least half-a-dozen smirks on every page.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Another country 19 Aug 2010
Format:Paperback
Tell Him He's Pele: The Greatest Collection of Humorous Football Quotations Ever!
Romantics bruised by tawdry privatisation of the national sport will recover some of their affection for football from this volume of wonderful quotations. Here's the sport that still survives in Burslem, Brechin and Barnsley, captured mostly in the remarks of Football Men but also in the revelatory acts of the grotesque nouveau riche. I swear I could hear Bobby Robson sigh despairingly as he told an anecdote about one "star's" ear-ring. Football's at its most literate, its most passionate, funniest, wisest and saddest the further it gets from corporate-speak and vulgar behaviour. There's no room here for the Scudamores, Coles or expatriate owners. Instead, the gamut of football emotion is expressed fluently on pages that whiff of dubbin and liniment, mud and pies. What made the game beautiful is here - in a compendium edited by one of the sport's most articulate chroniclers.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars TOP READ 16 Aug 2010
By jonamo
Format:Paperback
This is a must read! If sport informs us about life, then this collection of the pithy, the unbelievable, the wise and the downright stupid aphorisms on football will make you a wiser and wittier companion to all who know you. Buy it now. And buy another copy for a friend!
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