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4.1 out of 5 stars1,179
4.1 out of 5 stars
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on 26 December 2012
It's not a family guy episode. It just isn't - don't be put off by the people who claim it is.

What it is however, is 106 minutes of laughs with a smattering of suspense (no, really), and it's rounded off nicely with a heartwarming ending. All of that sounds a biit "meh", but when it's funny it's really funny - Ted going for a job interview at the supermarket had me almost hyperventilating with laughter. And there are some real near-to-the-knuckle comic moments.

Patrick Stewart expertly narrates the opening scenes with excellent comic precision.

If you're a big FG fan, you'll recognise that some of the crew are from FG:
Walter Murphy does the music as he does on Family Guy.
Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild had a hand in the screenplay.

Also from FG:
Lois (Alex Borstein) young John's mum
Joe Swanson (Partrick Warburton) John's work friend, easily recognisible by his voice
And in Ted, Lori is played by Mila Kunis who is Meg in Family Guy.

Other cameos from memory include Flash Gordon (Sam J. Jones), Ryan Reynolds, and Norah Jones and Tom Skerritt.
And a special mention must go to Giovanni Ribisi who is an excellent actor, he plays "weirdos" so well.

For me, this was the second best film of 2012 (Avengers if you're wondering), and is well worthy of a place in your DVD collection.

I've knocked a star off because it sagged for 10 minutes or so, don't let that put you off though.
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on 8 July 2013
A surprisingly sweet very funny comedy which is not entirely as it seems. Ted is a bear bought to life by a young boy who makes a wish at Christmas for a best friend. Rather than this being a Disney like feel good film of a cuddly toy befriending a human, Ted is a potty mouthed drug abusing z-list celebrity.

After a rise to fame and a fall from grace Ted is trying to lead a "normal" life with his best bud John and his girlfriend Lorrie. However the home is too small for the three of them and it is time for Ted to move on. Throw in a crazed fan trying to kidnap Ted and you have a near perfect recipe ripe for comedy.

Ted is witty, relevant and hugely funny. The gross out humour the trailers allude too is not the focus of the film. In fact that is just a funny facet of Ted's personality. The jokes come naturally through the many situations the characters find themselves in. Ted himself is an absolute triumph. He is such a well rounded character with a sweetness that helps you connect with him.

Both Mark Wahlberg and Mila Kunis are game and throw themselves into the mix. The cgi effects of Ted are also brilliantly realised. His every movement physically and facially perfectly evokes his feelings and there lies the essence of the comedy.

The story is fairly straight forward but this is no bad thing. It gives room for the jokes and the emotional moments to breath. The hit rate is high and he jokes come thick and fast. The only downside is the slightly tacked on feeling of the kidnap plot. It doesn't add much apart from leading into the rather obvious ending but again it isn't enough to detract from the rest of the film.

A very successful comedy that can be enjoyed by all.
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It would be hard not to laugh at this: a grown man of 35 who's best friends with a talking teddy he got when he was eight, which now encourages him in a totally immature party and drugs lifestyle while his girlfriend despairs of him ever amounting to anything. On their fourth anniversary of being together he gives her a cheap pair of earrings - well, you can't win them all ... At least there was a present, and he took her to a snazzy restaurant, and is not averse to impromptu sex, even if it is a water pistol in his pocket. But there's more ... she shouldn't be complaining too much, really. Mila Kunis plays her with a good mix of modern savvy city girl and tender but frustrated partner - after all she has a lot to contend with. Ted is really the star of the show - loud, raucous and very vulgar, he steals most scenes. He gets a job in a supermarket and gets a very brassy girlfriend while speaking to his boss with outsize vulgarity. Mark Wahlberg is also brilliant as the human lead - again, a mix of vulnerable and wide boy, and an indefinable appealing quality in the face. Much of the humour is quite outrageous, usually in a sexual/lavatorial way, but this is what seals its brilliance. There is a fight scene between Wahlberg and the bear that is quite hilarious in classic Tom and Jerry style - very violent, but no harm done. It really works, Seth MacFarlane has a fierce talent and the Ted/Wahlberg combo make most New York superheroes pale into insignificance.
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on 18 December 2012
This is not a film I would normally watch. I was railroaded into it by my wife on a flight over the weekend. She had started watching it and subsequently persuaded me to interrupt my viewing of another film to watch this. My expectations were low. I'll conclude at the beginning - its brilliant. Looking at the other reviews this is a bit of a Marmite movie. Plenty of one starers to accompany the fortunate majority of five starers. You need to be able to see beyond the superficiality of a talking, swearing bear to appreciate this film. Not everyone will be able to do this. Bad luck guys - you are missing out. I found the comedy fresh and witty. OK, so its rather rude, but thats kinda where its roots are. I've never seen a teddy bear smoking a bong surrounded by hookers. Thats fresh for sure! The wit comes from the way Ted is portrayed - as a down and out human like character trying to cling on to his role as a teddy bear - a little boy's friend who has now grown up. Wahlberg, on the other hand, is a grown man trying to relinquish his role as a teddy bear's custodian. He does it brilliantly too. There is plenty of comedy friction to be had from this unusual situation. I loved the way the story progressed. Deep within it all there are some touching messages to be found. Depending on which side of the Marmite fence you sit this might be easy or hard. But most definitely worth a try
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on 8 January 2016
The plot is very straightforward: a boy, John Bennett, wishes for ‘a best friend’ and a falling meteorite grants him his wish; a talking teddy bear (voiced by Seth MacFarlane, who also directs and co-screenwrites) who becomes a rather washed-up celebrity. However, as John grows up into the character played by Mark Wahlberg, they remain best friends but complications arise when Ted accompanies 35 year old John when he moves in with his girl-friend Lori Collins (Mila Kunis).
What happens next depends on your sense of humour; if you like Rabelaisian, bawdy comedy with lots of offensive language, you’ll love this film – if not and you’re easily offended (but if you decide to watch it anyway) it’d be best if you were to accompany your viewing with smelling salts. John is terrified by thunder and the scene in which he and Lori are in bed when there’s a growl of thunder, which causes Ted to jump into bed with them and he and John sing the ‘Thunder Song’ is hilarious, the more so because they sing it straight-faced.
Ted’s animation is very cleverly done and there’s a nice sub-plot in which very weird Donny (Giovani Ribisi) and his repellent son, Robert (Aiden Mincks) who, baulked of their chance to buy Ted, kidnap him. How John deals with the out-of-control Robert is on a par with Indiana Jones, coping with the scimitar-wielding assassin.
There’s a very humorous narration by Patrick Stewart and although this film won’t be to everybody’s taste, it was to mine!
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TOP 500 REVIEWERon 16 February 2015
From the creator of TV's 'Family Guy' comes Seth MacFarlane's first feature film 'Ted', the story of a man's love for his teddy bear.

When loner John Bennett (Mark Wahlberg) was only eight and in need of a buddy, he made a wish at Christmas that his stuffed bear could talk to him, and miraculously, it happened. The two grew up together and have a special bond. Fast forward to the present day, and 'Ted' (voiced by Seth MacFarlane) is foul-mouthed, crude and something of a has-been 'celebrity'. The pair of them enjoy taking drugs whilst hanging on the sofa together. However, now in his thirties, John must then made that critical decision in his life, should he stick with his girlfriend or keep his friendship with Ted?

This isn't a movie for everyone, if you're slightly offended - you are not likely to enjoy it, as there are a lot of sex references. Personally, I appreciate such trashy humour, and enjoyed the strange concept, laughing all the way through. Towards the end things become quite heart-warming, and it was nice to see the music video of Tiffany's pop hit 'I Think We're Alone Now' ... don't ask!

An off-the-wall American comedy film that I very much enjoyed. The DVD offers the theatrical production of the movie, as well as the unedited version, which is complete with the bits that were far to rude for the cinema kept in.
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on 26 June 2013
There is nothing like a foul mouthed teddy bear to make for a great movie. Personally I think Zach Galifianakis would have made a better Ted, but then again he has played the dysfunctional buddy role before. As a child John (Mark Wahlberg) wishes for and gets a talking teddy bear. Now that they are in their 30's neither one has grown out of their immaturity with Ted becoming an increasing problem.

John's girlfriend Lori (Mila Kunis) demands that either Ted leaves or she goes. The humor is what one would expect from watching "Family Guy" with a lot of adult language. It spoofs other films and is critical of many aspects of society. It is politically incorrect. Like "Family Guy" some of the bits work and some don't. If you don't find one bit funny wait a minute and a new one comes along.

Excessive f-bombs, sex, heavy drug use, no nudity.
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TOP 100 REVIEWERon 20 February 2016
...all romcoms were as good, and as funny, as this. I was laughing like a drain within a couple of minutes, and there were times when I thought I'd do myself an injury, I was laughing so hard and so loud.
This is not only a brilliant, filthy, hilarious riot of a movie, it's also utterly subversive, irreverent, and bracingly tasteless. And yet, within all that is a touching tale of a lonely child and his talking teddy bear, who grows into a likable adult who happens to have a talking teddy as his best friend - along with a remarkably understanding girlfriend.
Mila Kunis is superb as the girlfriend Lori, and Mark Wahlberg (so good in Boogie Nights, and easily the best thing in The Departed) holds it all together as John, with writer-director Seth MacFarlane working wonders as the voice of foul-mouthed Ted.
Very effective guest stars include Sam J. "Flash Gordon" Jones, Tom Skerritt (subject of a running gag in the film), Norah Jones (and who needs a reason to watch Norah!), and Giovanni Ribisi as a slimy abductor (well, who would you get?).
Patrick Stewart as the (unseen) narrator hits just the right note.
I love Ted - for its seriously hilarious screenplay, excellent direction, and sheer disrespectful filth masking a beating heart.

One of the best Hollywood comedies of the 21st century.
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on 12 September 2012
Ted is hilarious, rude and crude (possibly the word you will see in every review of this movie). The film is cast with comedy gold, with a smattering of Family Guy voice actors thrown in for good measure, and the one-liners smack you in the face right from the beginning. The hilarious narration (provided by Patrick Stewart) supplies a healthy handful of these. The mention of the Apache helicopter was still making me laugh when the film had ended.
What can sometimes be the best thing about a comedy is when it is set in a world that is actually believable - obviously with a living and breathing teddy bear involved this comment might seem slightly strange. However, everything else is plausible, and the animated bear is really well integrated into this world as a second rate "celebrity". From here, the laughs continue to flow.
Some people have described this as an hour-and-a-half long episode of Family Guy, and although the humour is broadly the same, believe it or not, there is much more substance to this movie, with sex, romance, danger, drugs and language used in ways that a twenty-minute episode of Family Guy could only dream of.
As John (Mark Wahlberg) and Lori (Mila Kunis) try to create some kind of life together, Ted's shenanigans (possibly an understatement as these shenanigans often involve parties, drugs and prostitutes) continue to come between them. To John, he is just having fun with his longtime friend. To Lori, John is being influenced more and more by these "shenanigans".
I saw one review describe Ted as "wildy unoriginal", however I'm not sure if you can get more original with a storyline that involves a walking, talking, drug-addled teddy bear. So often, comedies are hit and miss, or run out of steam towards the end. Ted, however, is not one of these and this is why it is probably one of the best and most original comedies I have ever seen. Perhaps the plot is fairly standard, but with the creator of Family Guy at the helm, things don't always go the way you expect.
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VINE VOICEon 9 May 2013
This movie is sooooo funny! It's hilarious from start to finish.

It tells the story of a little boy called John, (Mark Wahlberg), who gets a teddybear for Christmas. He makes a wish that his beloved Ted could be real so they could have real conversations. Lo and behold, the next morning he has a walking, talking Ted! He's so cute and cuddly too!

Ted and John remain great friends and Thunder Buddies for life. Things begin to change when John's girlfriend asks John to choose between Ted and her. John asks Ted to move out and sets him up in his own little apartment. This is where it gets very funny. Ted gets a job at a supermarket and is always up to no good.

Add a creepy sideline of a sleazy character played as always to perfection by Giovanni Ribisi, who wants Ted for his own. There are misunderstandings and fall outs ahoy as the film progresses. It's absolutely brilliant! I even found myself shedding a tear or two! But hands down this is a fantastic movie with laughs in all the right places.

Do yourself a favour and just buy it, if you like Family Guy's humour, this is definitely the film for you!
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