The Art of Talking So That People Will Listen: Getting through to Family, Friends, and Business Associates [Paperback]

The title gives a hint (yet can't possibly do justice) to the actual wisdom and teachings contained in the book. Obviously, most people, because they are talking, feel as though they are also communicating. But that's not so. Just hearing you or me talk does not necessarily mean that the other person is "listening." And unless they are listening, what you and I say will not have much impact. A key to personal success is talking so that the other person not only will listen, but be inclined to take your point of view as well. This is true regardless of whether one is dealing with spouse, small and teenage children, friends, neighbors, employees, employers, customers, prospects, or that person you may meet just one time in your life.

I love what Dr. Swets says on page four: Communication that wins a positive response from others can provide you with a new way of life. Nothing is more essential to success in any area of your life than the ability to communicate well. Nothing can compare to the joy of communicating love, of being heard and understood completely, of discovering some profound insight from another's mind . . . Self-concepts are enhanced, attitudes broadened, beliefs depended, perspectives clarified, hopes restored, frustrations dissolved, hurt feeling healed.

Although much of what Dr. Swets teaches will show you how to live life with a minimum of personal 'hassles' with others (in other words, 'prevention'), he also includes a brilliant chapter dealing with "Conflict Resolution" for those occasions when conflicts do occur, as they inevitably will. The fact is, there are times when conflict and misunderstandings will take place. When that happens, there needs to be a positive, win-win solution. Dr. Swets provides this in a simple-to-understand- and-apply fashion. Reading that one chapter will ensure that you'll never again have to feel as though a conflict with anyone in your life cannot be worked out. It is simply magnificent information, and worth many, many times the price of the book itself.

I feel I could write volumes just on what I learned from this book, however, I'd rather you purchase the book yourself and learn from it first hand. Let's put it this way: The venerable Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, in a very complimentary Forward to this book, put it wonderfully well when he wrote, .. . a book that outlines procedures of communication with the completeness of Dr. Swets' study becomes a working manual that can be invaluable. And I do not know of a book that more comprehensively covers the entire subject of communication. Moreover the author himself communicates in a clear and understandable manner . . . He knows how to write so people will understand, how to talk so people will listen . . .

And may I add one more note? In all the classics dealing with communication and people skills (and The Art Of Talking So That People Will Listen ranks right up there with the classics) such as How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People by Les Giblin, as well as those on general success such as Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, the great authors all teach in terms of "universal principles", natural laws that have stood the test of time and will transfer from situation to unique situation. Yes, techniques change from time to time, but principles never do. The principles taught by Dr. Swets will work for you, your children, your grandchildren, etc. I could not personally give this book a higher recommendation.

Bob Burg, author of WINNING WITHOUT INTIMIDATION and ENDLESS REFERRALS.

Having read other similar books, I'd say this one was very helpful. This book would probably be of little value to experienced communicators, because it covers basics. Which is good for beginners, it is short. You really must practice what you learn from the book in order to improve, not just read it. To help you better understand what's in the book, here are some topics.

1) Eliminate negative commutation habits
2) Learn the art of listening
3) Discover how communication works
4) Win peoples attention
5) Develop the courage to say no
6) Establish respect when talking to kids
7) Create closeness with people you care about
8) Dissolve discord
9) Persuade people to cooperate with you

The most helpful chapter for me was on perusing people to cooperate with you. He rightly stated that most people resist change unless they can see its resulting benefit. So he provided five steps for achieving cooperation. (1)Attention, (2)Comprehension, (3)Belief, (4)Retention, (5)Action. I enjoyed reading his explanation and suggestions for each step. I believe they are right on target.

He tells us to set goals to our communication so that our speech won't be left to habit or impulse of the moment, he then proceeds to tell you how and why. Because he says that people pick up clues not only from voice, but from our actions, our facial expressions, and tone of voice.

Another really good and helpful chapter was on listening. If we don't know how to listen, our communications will suffer. And so here too he talks about five level of listening.

Bottom Line: If you are interested in improving your communication, this is a very good book to start with. I was not disappointed with this book, but its not all that great to receive 5 stars. One reason is because there are some good information missing in this book.