- Paperback: 256 pages
- Publisher: New American Library (27 Oct 2005)
- Language English
- ISBN-10: 0451215222
- ISBN-13: 978-0451215222
- Product Dimensions: 20.2 x 13.7 x 1.4 cm
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 700,005 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Talking to Eating Disorders
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Product Description
Product Description
What to say-and what not to say-when a friend or family member has an eating disorder. When a friend or family member shows signs of an eating disorder, the first impulse is to charge in, give advice, and fix what is wrong. But these tactics-however well-intentioned-can backfire. This compassionate guide offers ways to tackle the tough topics of body image, media messages, physical touch, diets, and exercise-along with a special section on talking about these issues with children. It includes information about when to get professional help, how to handle emergencies, and answers to difficult questions such as "Am I too fat?" or "Is this ok to eat?"
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First Sentence
Think for a moment about the person you want to talk to when you need support, advice, and understanding. Read the first page
Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Back Cover
Think for a moment about the person you want to talk to when you need support, advice, and understanding. Read the first page
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3 reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
Amazing book for significant others and all loved ones
3 July 2010
Format:Paperback
I'm a recovering individual. I'm sure this book is great for all loved ones, but I specifically tried to use it with my boyfriend. When there is a question in the book, such as "Should I confront my loved one when she/he is using symptoms?" the book offers a few suggestions, because no two individuals are alike. I highlighted the information that I wanted my boyfriend to take and turned over the corners on pages that were particularly important, to say, "You are not doing this and it's super important that you do!". Some of the great advice that I can remember is that you can confront someone about using symptoms but do not confront them WHILE they are using symptoms. For example, if your loved one is binging and purging, do not talk to them about it until later, in a safe and comfortable environment. It also said that some individuals want to be stopped from purging, while others do not, and that is a conversation one should have with their loved one. It gave tips for how to deflect questions such as, "Do I look fat?" It teaches skills where most loved ones are, unfortunately, sorely lacking.
If your loved one is trying to recover, I might give them this book and have them highlight some things, to see if there are any areas where they really want you to change some unhelpful behaviors. Keep in mind that some of the highlighting might be performed by the individual's eating disorder, but it IS her/his recovery. If you think some of what is highlighted is ridiculous and it's just to protect the eating disorder, then that may be a great thing to bring up in family/couples therapy. If your loved one is still in the midst of an eating disorder, not yet ready to work on recovery, then I would read this book without asking her/him to highlight anything. She/he might just use it to manipulate you, and they might not be ready to talk about their eating disorder at all.
I highly recommend this book to significant others, parents, siblings, and friends. It is a super quick and easy read. I recommend it to all my recovering friends when they ask me, "How can I help my family understand my eating disorder?"
If your loved one is trying to recover, I might give them this book and have them highlight some things, to see if there are any areas where they really want you to change some unhelpful behaviors. Keep in mind that some of the highlighting might be performed by the individual's eating disorder, but it IS her/his recovery. If you think some of what is highlighted is ridiculous and it's just to protect the eating disorder, then that may be a great thing to bring up in family/couples therapy. If your loved one is still in the midst of an eating disorder, not yet ready to work on recovery, then I would read this book without asking her/him to highlight anything. She/he might just use it to manipulate you, and they might not be ready to talk about their eating disorder at all.
I highly recommend this book to significant others, parents, siblings, and friends. It is a super quick and easy read. I recommend it to all my recovering friends when they ask me, "How can I help my family understand my eating disorder?"
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
Really focuses on what the title suggests!
17 Mar 2009
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
I found this book as a second try and I'm glad I did! When I had the need for a book on this subject I checked one out of the public library in my hometown. It was so bad I returned it after reading about half. I found this one on Amazon and ordered it without reviews but I'm happy I took a chance.
The focus of the book is on talking, communication and understanding. How to be the best support for a person you love. It empathetically explains what you can expect to help out with and kindly lets you know when to hold back or have patience and realize that you cannot control what someone else eats.
That said there is a lot that you can do to be supportive and encouraging. I have read each section and found myself better understanding what the person suffering from the eating disorder is actually thinking. How they are processing what we are saying, for good or bad. I realized that this is one disorder where it is so easy to try your best to be supportive but fail because your words are inadvertently hurtful or misunderstood.
What I also loved about this book was the lack of filler. It does not spend pages quoting side effects, endless paragraphs of examples that take up space or chapters dedicated to rehash. They wrote a book that filled a need and not to make money on a "hot" topic. It also lets you in on the fact that with an eating disorders there is no easy cure. Many of the books I looked at seemed to hint that if you followed this or that program you'd have this problem crossed off your list, and fast.
The author explains the long term situation, the 3 steps forward 2 steps back path that this disorder usually takes. I appreciated knowing that it might be a long road and not to expect miracles. I learned how to listen, so I'd know when to bring up certain subjects to get the ball rolling again or for the fist time.
Very insightful and informative.
Thank you Ms. Heaton and Ms. Strauss
The focus of the book is on talking, communication and understanding. How to be the best support for a person you love. It empathetically explains what you can expect to help out with and kindly lets you know when to hold back or have patience and realize that you cannot control what someone else eats.
That said there is a lot that you can do to be supportive and encouraging. I have read each section and found myself better understanding what the person suffering from the eating disorder is actually thinking. How they are processing what we are saying, for good or bad. I realized that this is one disorder where it is so easy to try your best to be supportive but fail because your words are inadvertently hurtful or misunderstood.
What I also loved about this book was the lack of filler. It does not spend pages quoting side effects, endless paragraphs of examples that take up space or chapters dedicated to rehash. They wrote a book that filled a need and not to make money on a "hot" topic. It also lets you in on the fact that with an eating disorders there is no easy cure. Many of the books I looked at seemed to hint that if you followed this or that program you'd have this problem crossed off your list, and fast.
The author explains the long term situation, the 3 steps forward 2 steps back path that this disorder usually takes. I appreciated knowing that it might be a long road and not to expect miracles. I learned how to listen, so I'd know when to bring up certain subjects to get the ball rolling again or for the fist time.
Very insightful and informative.
Thank you Ms. Heaton and Ms. Strauss
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
Good information, but very basic
29 Sep 2009
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
Heaton and Strauss have written a book on a very complex topic - eating disorders - and have done a good job in breaking things down so that a caregiver or anyone who is concerened can help through practical means - in conversation, actions, etc... I felt that they provided some very good suggestions as to specific words that are helpful, and words that don't encourage.
I bought this book, as my mid-twenty year old girlfriend has anorexia. Unfortunately, I found that while good information was presented, it was very basic. For example, the first chapter talks about blame and how blaming others can complicate a situation. While this is true, I didn't need to be reminded of this simple fact.
There is no fluff in this book what-so-ever. It is simply filled with tons of suggestions of things to say or not to say, along with a description for each comment. I found it frustratingly simple, with, as I've said before, many topics that felt like common sense. I feel that this book, however, would be a fantastic resource for younger friends of a person with an ED, maybe for the middle school and early highschool years.
On average, I read about half the book within about a 3-day time period, and skimmed the rest.
Chapters include topics on:
Blame, understanding change, being in control of what you can and should be in control of, conversation basics, talking about body image, talking about messages from the media, talking about touch (for romantic relationships), talking about diet, talking about exercise, talking about professional help, talking to young people, managing emergencies, handling relapses, and a "dos and don'ts" chapter.
Each chapter is short, and, as I said before, have many of the "comments" in bold, with an explaination.
For me, this wasn't helpful, although it did affirm a lot that I already knew or felt. I will be searching for a more exhaustive resource, probably this time, one specifically on anorexia.
I bought this book, as my mid-twenty year old girlfriend has anorexia. Unfortunately, I found that while good information was presented, it was very basic. For example, the first chapter talks about blame and how blaming others can complicate a situation. While this is true, I didn't need to be reminded of this simple fact.
There is no fluff in this book what-so-ever. It is simply filled with tons of suggestions of things to say or not to say, along with a description for each comment. I found it frustratingly simple, with, as I've said before, many topics that felt like common sense. I feel that this book, however, would be a fantastic resource for younger friends of a person with an ED, maybe for the middle school and early highschool years.
On average, I read about half the book within about a 3-day time period, and skimmed the rest.
Chapters include topics on:
Blame, understanding change, being in control of what you can and should be in control of, conversation basics, talking about body image, talking about messages from the media, talking about touch (for romantic relationships), talking about diet, talking about exercise, talking about professional help, talking to young people, managing emergencies, handling relapses, and a "dos and don'ts" chapter.
Each chapter is short, and, as I said before, have many of the "comments" in bold, with an explaination.
For me, this wasn't helpful, although it did affirm a lot that I already knew or felt. I will be searching for a more exhaustive resource, probably this time, one specifically on anorexia.
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