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How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk (How to Help Your Child) (How to Help Your Child) [Paperback]

Adele Faber , Elaine Mazlish
4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (210 customer reviews)

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There is a newer edition of this item:
How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk 4.7 out of 5 stars (210)
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Book Description

3 May 2001 How to Help Your Child
The number one practical guide to making your family life less stressful and more rewarding.
In this international bestseller, experts Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish provide effective step by step techniques to help you improve and enrich your relationships with your children.

Learn how to:
Break a pattern of arguments
Cope with negative feelings
Engage your child's cooperation
Set clear limits and maintain goodwill
Express your emotions without being hurtful
Resolve conflicts peacefully
--This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.

Product details

  • Paperback: 304 pages
  • Publisher: Piccadilly Press Ltd; New Ed edition (3 May 2001)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1853407054
  • ISBN-13: 978-1853407055
  • Product Dimensions: 13 x 19.8 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (210 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 9,873 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Authors

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Product Description


Mumsnet Best Awards 2011 - Best parenting book
`An excellent book for reassessing the way you talk to your children and, as one said, "putting it into practice isn't as hard as I imagined and the children respond so, so well".' --Mumsnet, January 2011

About the Author

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish have received international acclaim from parents and professional educators. They both live on Long Island in the USA. --This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.

Inside This Book (Learn More)
First Sentence
I was a wonderful parent before I had children. Read the first page
Browse Sample Pages
Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
286 of 288 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars True to it's Title 6 Jan 2002
By Derrick
I thought this book might be about how to use praise and language to avoid facing discipline issues with children but it is not like that at all. It teaches parents to be authorative and send the right messages without micro managing their children. There is much good advice on how to recognize and change ineffective paterns of responding to your child. The suggested changes are fairly straight forward and common sense, but may require some practice. Fortunately thare are many well illustrated examples and practical exercises to reinforce these ideas. This book strictly sticks to the topic of comunication and establishing cooperation which makes it an excellent supplement to any parents existing parenting style. Teaches mutual respect without surrendering parental authourity. A very good read, I've heard nothing but positive feedback from other parents who have read this book.
I would also highly recommend the books "Ain't Misbehavin" by William P Garvey and "Setting Limits: How to Raise Responsibe Independent Children by Providing Clear Boundaries" by Robert J MacKenzie.
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63 of 64 people found the following review helpful
I read this book when my son was three. I was being the mother I so did not want to be with him. I was screaming at him, hitting him and being generally horrible. I was out of control did not know what to do. I was confused and anxious. Here was my beautiful baby starting to defy me and I did not know what to do except scream and shout and lash out. I found this book by chance. I read a christmas book list in the Guardian and Susie Orbach recommended it. She said she kept it in her loo and it kept her sane. I knew instantly that I had to go and get this book. It was in 1992 so no internet or Amazon. I searched London and found it in a obscure bookshop mainly full of psycho-therapy books! I went and bought it and devoured it in a cafe, making notes, crying with relieve and knowing that I would now have the skills, hints and tips to deal with my own feelings that were surfacing that I had no idea how to deal with except by blaming my son. The next morning instead of going into to my son and saying - get dressed and insisting on him putting on the clothes I had prepared I said, lovely to see you and offered him a choice of clothes, the same with breakfast, the same with whether he wanted to put on his shoes or his coat first. For the first day in many many months we left the house relaxed and happy. I was in tears as I dropped him off at his nursery and so full of gratitude that I had found this book which was going to save my relationship with my son. My lovely son is now a delightful, happy, talented and inspired young man. What more could I wish for, nothing. It became possible because of these delightful mums who wrote this book. I have given it to many friends, I dont know whether they have gained as much as me, all I know is that it allowed me to be the mother I so wanted to be.
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353 of 364 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars changed parent 2 Sep 2006
As an impatient mother of a challenging three year old I'd given up on books (and there were lots of them) and advice (and there was lots of it). A good friend of mine slipped me this book and I gave it a passing glance. I tried the first technique out with not much hope, and was immediately rewarded with a co-operation That was a week ago. I have since read it from cover to cover, given it back to my friend with a massive thank you, bought it myself and intend to read it again. It has made an immediate improvement to my relationship not only with my son but with my partner, my parents, my siblings and people in general. I've gone from frustrated, irritated, tired orgress to confident, loving mother. I actually enjoying talking to my son and he enjoys talking to me. I'd recommend this book to anyone who deals with children.
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383 of 395 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Buy it! 19 May 2003
I am writing because the last review posted here was written August 2002 and I didn't want people browsing to get the impression that the book was no longer relevant or something. So you are in no doubt: you deal with children? you are losing your sanity? this book needs to be in YOUR home.
The central message is simple: respect children's feelings and they will respect yours. As you are looking for a parenting book, you probably think 'I DO respect their feelings, but the little brat still drives me crazy...' but actually this book shows that most of us continuously disrespect our children, and actually encourage them to behave the way they do. Free yourself from tyranny! Buy this book! Understand it, laugh with it, talk about it, try out the exercises.
A previous reviewer has criticised this book for not being easy-to-reference in a hurry. In the authors' defence: the book does encourage parents to make notes along the way and copy out the main points to remember for easy reference. Although you may think that takes time (of which you probably have little) it is actually a more effective way of learning, and let's face it, when you are in the midst of a parenting crisis, do you really want to turn around and start flicking through a book? If the message of the book really makes sense to you, then you'll be able to come up with a solution on the spur of the moment. This book encourages parents to be resourceful, self-sufficient, flexible and responsive to the immediate situation.

Indeed, I am so impressed with this book and the changes it has made in my relationship with my children that I have written this review. Now that's saying something!
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic
I have loved this book. The best thing about it is that you can easily apply the method and IT WORKS. I'm a teacher and I'd like to introduce this new approach in my classtoom. Read more
Published 2 days ago by susana martinez
5.0 out of 5 stars Insightful
This book has made me enjoy being a mum again and perceive my kids in a different light - as individual beings with their own feelings and meaningful reasonings rather than as a... Read more
Published 5 days ago by Nicholas S Long
5.0 out of 5 stars A great read
I teach young children and enjoyed seeing the difference in the children's reactions to me since I have been putting the tips and advice throughout this book in place. Read more
Published 17 days ago by sefmoo
5.0 out of 5 stars I buy extra copies so I can give them to my children when they have...
I read this when my first child was 2 years old. I now have three teenagers and this has been my favourite parenting book. After a while the language becomes second nature. Read more
Published 18 days ago by Mrs B Childs
5.0 out of 5 stars How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk
A very informative read. Helps teach parents to communicate at a child's level of understanding. Although I am not that keen on the comic book sketches, they can help get the... Read more
Published 18 days ago by Mr. S. J. Bonham
5.0 out of 5 stars fascinating read
Bought this book a recommended by a friend. Having tricky moments with the children and even though they are of different age groups (aged 9 and 3) this book works really well. Read more
Published 18 days ago by Anita Jones
5.0 out of 5 stars Very useful
This book help me to realize what I am not doing well enough and what I should be doing in the daily life. A very useful and down to the point book. Every parent should have one.
Published 21 days ago by Mrs. X. Li
5.0 out of 5 stars SUPERB BOOK
WOW thats the first word who gets in my mind after red this book half throu it really helps you to understand the problems off your kids the way they feel how to handel them. Read more
Published 21 days ago by serge
5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant
As most other reviews have said this book is brilliant. Makes you really think about how you talk to your children on an every day basis and how to put yourself in their position
Published 28 days ago by Sarah
4.0 out of 5 stars Like this a lot
My kids are only 4 and 3 but have already used some of the tactics and can see how I will refer to this throughout childhood.
Published 1 month ago by Ducky quack quack
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