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Review
'Rarely does one find outstanding scholarship and clinical wisdom wedded in one book. Such is the case in Dr. W. Robert Nay's exciting text. The writing style is highly engaging and the text is filled with numerous relevant examples. This book is a must read' for anyone who wants to learn to utilize anger reactions more effectively, whether in personal relationships or the work world. It is a self-help goldmine from a very wise individual who is also a scholarly expert in the anger control field.' - James P. McCullough, Jr., PhD, Department of Psychology, Virginia Commonwealth University, USA
Review
'Rarely does one find outstanding scholarship and clinical wisdom wedded in one book. Such is the case in Dr. W. Robert Nay's exciting text. The writing style is highly engaging and the text is filled with numerous relevant examples. This book is a must read' for anyone who wants to learn to utilize anger reactions more effectively, whether in personal relationships or the work world. It is a self-help goldmine from a very wise individual who is also a scholarly expert in the anger control field.' - James P. McCullough, Jr., PhD, Department of Psychology, Virginia Commonwealth University, USA
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
I bought this book over 2 years ago and it's honestly changed me. It's not the sort of book you can read, finish and then say 'Great I feel much better now', it's ongoing, but believe me it plants the seeds of change, beginning with questioning yourself before the anger takes hold, taking yourself 'outside' the situation as the angry self talk starts. You may think you go from 0 - 60 in a split second, but there is always a start, albeit a 'blink and you miss it' one. It teaches you that there is a scale of anger, starting with that self talk, then a tenseness in the body and a flush of the skin, then it rises from here. Anyone who's angry knows, once the scale hits 10 or even 7, you've already gone, the brain shuts down and the anger takes over, you can't 'control' anger, trying to keep it down once it's up, is even more damaging, you have to 'take charge' before it gets to this point and this book will teach you how to recognise the signs. It has a cognitive approach and explains how to understand the difference between rational and irrational thought patterns and how these cloud your view of people and life. It teaches you to open the gates of communication, to be able to say what you want, to be assertive, instead of losing your temper and not getting anywhere. You very slowly become self aware, it takes work, awareness and commitment, but read it then keep it next to the bed, dip into it every now and again, even on the calm days, don't forget what it says, and you will get there. It seems like a long battle, but it's been and extremely long miserable battle getting us to the angry people we are today. I can't say I'm totally anger free, I still have my moments, although they are less distructive and few and far between, people have noticed, and commented on, the change in me.
37 of 40 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
This is a great, great book. A real eye opener. I'm glad that I got my hand on this book in time (before I ruined my marriage). Actually this book doesn't accuse you of being "bad" person but quiet opposite, it teaches you understand your anger, where its coming from example my childhood experiences (trust me I was shocked), how to express yourself and finally brings lasting change in your life. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to live their life as a calmer and less confrontational person. MY BIBLE (amen). And to you who find the courage like me, THIS BOOK WILL HELPS you on your way. It definitely helped me.
14 of 17 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
My first reaction after doing the analysis of my "anger type" was to be demotivated and scared (that something was seriously wrong with me). This reaction was due to my "score" -- it turned out that I had the "worst type" of anger "style." It was not encouraging or helpful to be labelled this way, and I found the "anger typing" to be quite intimidating -- just the sort of reaction a self-help author does not want to elicit in a reader.
Actually, after letting the content sink in a bit, I realized that this "type" of anger does not typify my life, only my intimate relationship to one person. And, I now realize the shake-up I experienced as a result of being "typed" this way did me a bit of good. It was critical that I be told in no uncertain terms that the way I was reacting in that relationship was actually quite dangerous, and I needed to change my own behavior instead of being angry at my partner's "bad" behaviors.
Truth be told, I had already the urgent feeling that there was something really wrong in that relationship, and this book showed me how to change my part in the dysfunction -- some things immediately; others over time. More importantly, it shifted my perspective about unrealistic expectations and helped me find compassion within myself and for my partner. That alone shifted some of my anger immediately and continues to impact my awareness of my own reactions. A good thing, to be sure.
Notably, I took the assessment a second time, this time eliminating that particular relationship from my answers, and my anger type changed. As a result I began to search the book for explanations, but the author offers nothing to explain how we can have different anger types, or different anger scales, or absolutely no anger reactions, based on the situation or the relationship.
Additionally, the idea that current intimate relationships can reopen wounds inflicted in earlier relationships -- fears, frustration or hurt --which emerge as seemingly "new" anger, is not explored outside the context of a single anger "type" that applies to every relationship or situation.
So, I find that the author presents some fairly sweeping generalities without allowing for the fact that two people can "lock in" to a very negative pattern of anger, but that does not mean that the anger "styles" of the partners in that relationship necessarily emerge in other areas or relationships in their lives. Certainly the styles' tendencies are there. But tendencies do not equate to patterns, dangerous or benign.
That said, the author does offer a valuable perspective on how to defuse any kind of anger, how to shift focus from self-orientation, blame and expectations, and how to more effectively address situations that trigger various types of anger.
That contribution was very helpful. Additionally, the book is well-written, easy-to-follow and clearly organized. Overall, I would recommend it, given these caveats.
Actually, after letting the content sink in a bit, I realized that this "type" of anger does not typify my life, only my intimate relationship to one person. And, I now realize the shake-up I experienced as a result of being "typed" this way did me a bit of good. It was critical that I be told in no uncertain terms that the way I was reacting in that relationship was actually quite dangerous, and I needed to change my own behavior instead of being angry at my partner's "bad" behaviors.
Truth be told, I had already the urgent feeling that there was something really wrong in that relationship, and this book showed me how to change my part in the dysfunction -- some things immediately; others over time. More importantly, it shifted my perspective about unrealistic expectations and helped me find compassion within myself and for my partner. That alone shifted some of my anger immediately and continues to impact my awareness of my own reactions. A good thing, to be sure.
Notably, I took the assessment a second time, this time eliminating that particular relationship from my answers, and my anger type changed. As a result I began to search the book for explanations, but the author offers nothing to explain how we can have different anger types, or different anger scales, or absolutely no anger reactions, based on the situation or the relationship.
Additionally, the idea that current intimate relationships can reopen wounds inflicted in earlier relationships -- fears, frustration or hurt --which emerge as seemingly "new" anger, is not explored outside the context of a single anger "type" that applies to every relationship or situation.
So, I find that the author presents some fairly sweeping generalities without allowing for the fact that two people can "lock in" to a very negative pattern of anger, but that does not mean that the anger "styles" of the partners in that relationship necessarily emerge in other areas or relationships in their lives. Certainly the styles' tendencies are there. But tendencies do not equate to patterns, dangerous or benign.
That said, the author does offer a valuable perspective on how to defuse any kind of anger, how to shift focus from self-orientation, blame and expectations, and how to more effectively address situations that trigger various types of anger.
That contribution was very helpful. Additionally, the book is well-written, easy-to-follow and clearly organized. Overall, I would recommend it, given these caveats.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
Good advice, but the writing style made me angry!!!
This book offers very good advice, which can be put into practice.
The thing I found really annoying though, and made me skip through a lot of the book, when it constantly... Read more
The thing I found really annoying though, and made me skip through a lot of the book, when it constantly... Read more
Published 3 months ago by Mrs. T. S. Mawdsley
great book
This is a great book.
This book is pratical and within a few pages into the book I could identify with my own issues regarding anger. Read more
This book is pratical and within a few pages into the book I could identify with my own issues regarding anger. Read more
Published 6 months ago by J. Batstone
A life saver
If you reading this, there's a good chance that you need this book. Buy it to understand your situation and possibly save your life before it's too late.
Published 13 months ago by GG
not all it's cracked up to be
hardly a thrilling read - some of the techniques like the "signal breath" are far too complicated to use, (not to mention hard to understand) nor is it particularly positive "the... Read more
Published on 21 Sep 2009 by T. E. Roberts
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