It has been reported in our previous edition that Narcissa Black Malfoy Zabini Lovegood Zabini and her husband Blaise Zabini were found tragically murdered at their residence. Mrs. Zabini's step-daughter and step-son-in-law, Luna and Neville Longbottom were taken to the M.O.M for questioning but were released when it was determined through Priori Incantatem that they did not commit the crimes. It was determined that Mrs. Longbottom had last used her wand for baking rich tea biscuits, and Mr. Longbottom had used his wand to water the garden. The M.O.M. Auror division is on the case, as are the elite Hexperts, M.W.A.I. The M.O.M. feels that the M.W.A.I. may be able to bring some Muggle insight into the crime. We will update you as events unfold.
The planets survival is growing shorter and all life on earth may be destroyed soon. This has caused a problem for the m.o.m, because they can save the planet, but by doing so, they would be introducing muggles to the wizarding world. Of course, life is more important than self exploiting, but we fear that if muggles start to understand magic, they will destroy chances of further development. The main question that the m.o.m is asking, is, ''do we want to keep a flawed planet alive because, they will probably just find some other way of self destruction''. A long debate has been taking place and the future of the planet does remain in the hands of the minister.
Professor Rubeus Hagrid, a teacher at Hogwarts, was left in a dangerous condition after a Giant attack. He was wandering in the forest when two giants approached him and started attacking him. He would have died if his half brother hadn't of fought them off. Hagrids half brother ( Grawp ) tragically died, but managed to get the two other giants unconcious until the ministry could get there. Mr Hagrid is in a comba and there is a strong possibility that he may die. He is testing magic medicine and he is winning, but we haven't given up hope, however the chances of him dying are higher than the chances of him living.
Wait! Isn't Grawp at Oxford? Hang on Hagrid! We're pulling for you!
Marion, Wisconsin Police Department:
Officers were called to DuPont Cheese following a siting of children runing out of the back of the cheese factory carrying packages. Witnesses from Flanagan's Auction Service state the children were in Halloween costumes and seemed to disappear into the surrounding pasture. Responding officers found no damage to equipment, but all coolers had been emptied. The DuPont Cheese manager stated that the missing inventory was cheese, sausage, butter, sour cream, milk, cheese curds, and cottage cheese in vats. The State Patrol will send in investigators from Madison as the similarity to another crime in Wood County is striking.
The Hogwarts house elves will be holding a Cheese and Sausage Festival, along with offering baked goods for sale on Saturday next on the Hogwarts Quidditch Pitch. All proceeds will help defray medical bills for Professor Rubeus Hagrid, who was attacked by giants under the pay of the remaining DeathEaters at large. Dobby and his assistants received a large donation of cheese and sausage, along with baking supplies from the DuPont family in the United States. Once again, preservation charms will be placed by the fourth year studants under Professor Flitwick, and Eeyelops Owl Emporium will offer delivery service at no charge. Please be generous to this cause. Send requests to Dobby at Hogwarts for baked goods that need shipping. We offer our sympathy to Professor as his brother,Grawp, was killed in the same attack.
Unfortunately, soon after Mr Rubeus Hagrid was brought to st mungos, because of a fiant attack, he died tragically because of a lack of knowledge of what to do from the the witch operating on him. The witch has been fined and suspended from her job, until further notice. Mr Hagrid's funeral will be well attended and he will not be soon forgotten. All the teachers at Hogwarts will be attending it and some other good friends like the weasleys and Harry Potter. Mr Potter claims that before he dies, he will kill the two giants, responsible for his friends death. Nobody can understand what caused this random surge of aggresion from Potter, he must understand that giants are a less intelligent species and can't be held responsible for their actions. Hagrids funeral will take place on Tuesday at 2:00 pm and it is open to anybody.
In a shocking case it has been found that a large number of young witches and wizards calling themselves the slugs or amazonians have been found with horrific injuries and spell damage throughout the world. It is said that at each scene of the crime there has been graffiti VoldyMORT not Voldy. Although unconfirmed these rumours serve to suggest that perhaps THe big V is none too pleased with his new found fame as VOLDY
We at the Prophet are happy to announce the recovery of Rubeus Hagrid from a Giant attack. He was visited while in his coma by his best friends, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger-Weasley and Ronald Weasley. They were able to sit with him and talk to him. They even snuck his dog Fang into be with him. The love and affection that he received caused it's own Magic and Mr. Hagrid awoke from his coma and is on the road to a full recovery. We also are glad to report that the death of Mr. Hagrid's brother, Grawp, was incorrectly reported by other publications. We are happy to report that Grawp Hagrid is well and happy and completing his studies at Oxford, where he is enjoying great success as captain of the Rugby team. It appears that the Giant killed was the Hagrid brother's cousin Darwin. We regret the loss to their family.
The last tabloid saying that Hagrid survived, is a lie. It was made up by one of those phoney news papers, unfortunately he did die, but his spirit lives on. I apologise for any inconveniece the last tabloid may have caused. BTW, NO NEW EVIDENCE CAN CONTRADICT THIS, ANYONE WHO ATTEMPTS TO DO SO IS LYING AND WILL BE SUED BY OUR NEWSPAPER. lol
Dis Darwin win a Darwin Award? LOL the police around here can't figure out where those darn kids are taking the cheese? at least no beer went missing. LOL Thanks for saving Hagrid and Grawp, I watched Rugby on sunday, england lost to Sth Africa. whew they NEED Grawp!