boys (and now girls), has for too long gone unnoticed. But thanks to this
frank guide, those not lucky enough to have attended this extraordinarily
preserved institution can now experience life as a Swinesian for
themselves. Apart from its academic record, which is quite literally in a
league of its own, everything you need to know about this unique
institution is here, including:
Sports: manly pursuits such as animal cruelty and `Hackers' seal
Swinesend's reputation as a school of hard knocks.
Culture: from the Combined Cadet Force Marching Band (described as `a
musical form of shock and awe') to the Self Abuse Society, a Swinesend
education encourages all forms of self-expression.
World-class facilities: from its online gaming site to its new Cage
Fighting arena, Swinesend is hurling itself into the 21st century whilst
maintaining its rich legacy.
Heritage: ancient traditions such as `Steg Burning' and `Toasting the
Simpletons' are still central to school life.
This indispensable handbook ensures that everyone can feel as though
they have attended this singular establishment and - for the price of an
hour's fees - pass themselves off as true Swinesians: the recipients of a
truly unforgettable education that they will never be able to blot from